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Writting;
Writting;

by aden's in Narrative Poetry
Young Writers Society Forum Index » Other Poetry

This thread was created on June 26, 2008
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Vengeance

Topic ID: 32167
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Nolan   View This User's Portfolio
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Age: 15
Joined: 15 Jun 2008
Posts: 94
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Country: Above Heaven;Below Hell
330 Points

PostPosted: Thu Jun 26, 2008 6:44 pm    Post subject: Vengeance Reply with quote

The template of man stands still.



Silence surrounds, and it is worthless.



The person you are can and will



Happily receive Death's sweet kiss.



 



For, when it rains all around,



And Armageddon pours down,



Only you could make a sound



And annihilate this whole town.



 



Destruction came from above;



Your good heart, without fear.



You saved yourself from the evil in love,



And destroyed my world, without a tear.



 



Vengeance is mine, saith the Lord;



For a while it was, but, never, no more.



The war drums strike the fiercest cord;



Upon you we shall descend like the Devil's sword.

_________________
"Don't worry about my sanity, dear. After all, it's pointless to worry about something that's nonexistent."

-Nolan Logan


Last edited by Nolan on Sat Jun 28, 2008 3:01 am; edited 1 time in total
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bkwrm   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Thu Jun 26, 2008 8:16 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I can't say that I agree with the feelings expressed in this poem, but it was well written and it flows well. Pieces such as this seem to be your forte - or maybe just your favourite way of expressing yourself?

Just one thing;

Quote:
For a while it was, but, never, no more.


You've got too many commas - try cutting out the one before never.

Keep writing
Bkwrm Smile
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Sexy Sadie   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Fri Jul 25, 2008 12:08 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

'Lo Nolan (once again)

I liked this very much! Your poetry is very deep, you really have to look at it to understand it, rather than read it. If that made any sense. Like John Lennon, not the style, but the depth. I don't know what I'm talking about.

Let me take a wild guess on what this is about, the coming of Christ? I'm not into any religion myself, but I've taken classes on religion.

Bravo!

Keep up the good work, mate.

-Sadie Twisted Evil
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This thread was created on June 26, 2008

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