Topic ID: 32077
|
View previous topic :: View next topic |
| Author |
Message |
Nolan
Writer
Gender: 
Age: 15
Joined: 15 Jun 2008
Posts: 94
Reviews: 44
Country: Above Heaven;Below Hell
330 Points
|
 Posted: Tue Jun 24, 2008 9:57 pm Post subject: Way Back Home |
 |
|
When I look
Upon your face,
I see a melancholy woman
Who has never stood
For the right causes.
When I look
Upon your face,
I see a mediocre mind
Trying to impress
Itself upon others.
When I look
Upon your face,
I see a person
Who has stopped feeling
Empathy for others;
I see a selfish
Little brat.
But, most of all,
When I look
Upon your face,
I see a scared
Little girl who only
Wants to find
Her way back home. |
_________________
"Don't worry about my sanity, dear. After all, it's pointless to worry about something that's nonexistent."
-Nolan Logan |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
Angel of Death
Nano '08 Winner
Speaker of the Forum
Gender: 
Age: 14
Joined: 04 Nov 2007
Posts: 872
Reviews: 409
Country: Where the big star in the sky doesn't leave
1533 Points
|
| Posted: Wed Jun 25, 2008 12:11 am Post subject: |
|
|
| Wow, this was intense. I felt the emotion, the I don't know what to call it. It just was and that's hope poems should be. It wasn't traditional it just talked about a person(that maybe you know too well.) All in all, Good Job. |
_________________
"Like the apple that passed through both the lips of Adam and Eve, you are forbidden. So if I were to pick you from a garden that has been coveted by another man, then I shall have hell to pay for my sins,"-Me |
|
| Back to top |
|
gamechanger10
Excuse me while I kiss the sky.
Novelist
Gender:
Age: 13
Joined: 24 Jun 2008
Posts: 473
Reviews: 81
Country: I'll let you know as soon as I find out.
369 Points
|
| Posted: Wed Jun 25, 2008 12:54 am Post subject: |
|
|
this was really deep. i felt the emotions rushing forward and all that good stuff. there's not much else to say about this piece. as the reviewer prior to me stated: it just was and it still is.
nice poem. i really liked this. keep up the good work!  |
_________________
"The difference between the right word and almost the right word is the difference between lightning and the lightning bug." -Mark Twain |
|
| Back to top |
|
2Write4ALLways
Junior Writer
Gender:
Age: 14
Joined: 23 Jun 2008
Posts: 26
Reviews: 13
Country: America
300 Points
|
| Posted: Wed Jun 25, 2008 3:26 am Post subject: |
|
|
| Great choice of words. Good work. I really felt it, and the posts above state it very well. Its a nice piece. |
_________________
The things that I knew, I now see, that I don't.
The world is not the place I thought it was. |
|
| Back to top |
|
Nolan
Writer
Gender:
Age: 15
Joined: 15 Jun 2008
Posts: 94
Reviews: 44
Country: Above Heaven;Below Hell
330 Points
|
| Posted: Wed Jun 25, 2008 3:36 am Post subject: |
|
|
Thank you all very, very much.
I'm overjoyed that you appreciated this.
|
_________________
"Don't worry about my sanity, dear. After all, it's pointless to worry about something that's nonexistent."
-Nolan Logan |
|
| Back to top |
|
bkwrm
Writer
Gender:
Age: 15
Joined: 07 Mar 2007
Posts: 96
Reviews: 78
Country: England
300 Points
|
| Posted: Wed Jun 25, 2008 9:02 pm Post subject: |
|
|
I liked this a lot - it was very poignant, even though you kept it brief. All the words/phrases seemed well chosen and it worked well. There's nothing more to say really except keep writing and I hope that all your work is this good.
Bkwrm  |
|
|
| Back to top |
|
writ3rindisguis3
Writer
Gender:
Age: 14
Joined: 07 May 2008
Posts: 63
Reviews: 30
Country: A place in my imagination...
300 Points
|
| Posted: Wed Jun 25, 2008 9:16 pm Post subject: |
|
|
I liked this poem. I could feel the emotion and understand the feelings. Ver nice choice in words. It made it short and simple. Great job!
Becca |
_________________
Did I just run a green light? |
|
| Back to top |
|
Ailam Remard
Writer
Gender:
Age: 14
Joined: 09 Apr 2008
Posts: 78
Reviews: 33
Country: Fa Fa Away...
300 Points
|
| Posted: Tue Jul 15, 2008 6:03 am Post subject: |
|
|
Bravo! Hehe, I like to say that. It reminds me of the Pantom of the Opera.
I really liked this, it reminded me of the self centered popular girl who gets everything and anything she wants. The one who's mean to everyone and thinks she's better. But she only does the stuff she does because she's insecure and unloved.
That was so lame of me, but anyway. It's midnight and I'm tired and I need some points so once again...
Awesome! Keep up the good work!
PEACE!
-Ailam |
_________________
Buh-Bye! |
|
| Back to top |
|
niccy_v
Senior Writer
Gender:
Age: 16
Joined: 20 Jun 2008
Posts: 192
Reviews: 68
Country: Where the horses are
566 Points
|
| Posted: Fri Jul 18, 2008 2:32 pm Post subject: |
|
|
That's an impressive poem. Deep thought and emotions really came up.
You chose such impressive wors, they fit so well you're a great writer/poet. The repetition fits perfectly, and its a good length and includes so much, but is very light on and not a very hard read.
Has to be one of the better poem's i've read on here.
It's so deep and meaningul, very easy to follow and imagine as a personal experience. I definitely can relate to parts. |
_________________
Nichola.
I am not going to be held responsible for my actions the next time somebody changes colour to color, realise to realize, centre to center, or such. |
|
| Back to top |
|
Livinginfantasy
Oh Emm Gee
Novelist
Gender:
Age: 15
Joined: 19 Mar 2008
Posts: 444
Reviews: 179
Country: Fantasy... DUH
597 Points
|
| Posted: Thu Jul 24, 2008 8:41 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Woah!
Deep. Very deep. Very intense.
The ending was wonderful and powerful. Although I don't like the repeating phrase "When I look upon your face...". But that's just me.
Bravo! You'll be getting another gold star, mister. |
_________________
Afterism (n) - A concise, clever statement you don't think of until too late. |
|
| Back to top |
|
Shallowdepth
Junior Writer
Gender:
Age: 17
Joined: 25 Feb 2007
Posts: 42
Reviews: 19
Country: USA
300 Points
|
| Posted: Sun Jul 27, 2008 3:24 am Post subject: |
|
|
| Wow, that was really good, and very accurate. It's definatly what you see when you look around at the shallow people that surround you in today's society, at least that's what the poem makes me think of lol. Yeah I like the structure of the poem and the repetitive string that kind of starts out each segment, so to speak. Very good. |
_________________
"When a thought takes one's breath away, a grammar lesson seems an impertienence."
~Thomas W. Higginson |
|
| Back to top |
|
darksky
New Member
Gender:
Age: 15
Joined: 25 Jul 2008
Posts: 3
Reviews: 0
300 Points
|
| Posted: Mon Jul 28, 2008 1:46 am Post subject: |
|
|
| This poem is filled with emotion with a very different twist on the comparison. Great job! |
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
