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This thread was created on July 23, 2008
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When Innocence Dies
When Innocence Dies ~ Chapter one
When Innocence Dies ~ Chapter two
When Innocence Dies - Chapter Four
When Innocence Dies ~ Chapter five
When Innocence Dies ~ chapter six

When Innocence Dies ~ Chapter three

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Sorsha2   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Wed Jul 23, 2008 6:36 pm    Post subject: When Innocence Dies ~ Chapter three Reply with quote

Okie Dokie - Chapter Three is up.

As per usual, constructive criticism is very much appreciated.

We continue the story with Laura awakening in a strange and sinister environment, from there we transition into Faye and Kyle trying to peice together the clues and make sense of the puzzle.

I hope, for those of you who do read this or who have been following the story to see the progression, that you have/continue to enjoy the novel Smile

Cheers

ps:

a note for those who are new to the story, < at the beginning and > at the end means that the dialogue is heard mentally, through thoughts, spoken via telepathy, etc.

Anyother questions or uncertainties, feel free to ask

*********

Chapter Three

When Laura awoke it was to find herself surrounded by darkness. The steady sound of water dripping in the background was amplified inside her head and beat like a drum. It was almost insufferable. She tried to move but each time she did everywhere ached and burned. There was a crawling under her skin like hands that skittered about and it startled her enough to cry out. It was then she realized she was bound with thick steel chains. There was the rough scrap of concrete when she pushed herself to her knees. In the dim surroundings she could make out pipes above her and a brick wall at her back. Beyond that was nothing but the eerie pitch black of shadows.

The crawling sensation returned and this time it shot down her arms and legs as if someone were putting on her skin like a garment.

<Us feel hungers. Feed. Ravenous. Give us control, give us control.>

Laura’s body heaved once, twice. There was nothing outside of the hunger that consumed her with a flood of agony. It hurt so much and burned a hole inside her body. It was a void that she had to fill. In the distant haze she heard a steel door open and movement followed. Eyes that had been blurred and unfocused immediately zeroed in and cut through the pitch like lasers. The steady beat of a fresh heart drove out the drip of the water; the heady sound of it hummed in her body.

<We hungers.> The voice sniggered in her mind. Each movement was a flash. Blood, there was so much of it and the taste as it spilled past her lips when she tore into the flesh was like heaven. There were cries and wails but it only fueled her insatiable lust to feed. The screams were just as satisfying as the meal was itself. She drank and drank deep, her fingers locked around the squirming body until it stilled. Hot liquid flowed down her throat in greedy gulps. But it wasn’t enough. She sank her teeth in a second time and ripped with her hands, tearing deep into the thick skin and freeing the warm slippery flesh.

When she’d eaten her fill, Laura felt a haze creep over and settle into her bones. The voice purred, and was content to rest as her mind slide into the sleep of the dead.

*****

Darius drummed his fingers on the edge of the desk where he sat observing the live video feed from the cells they kept under the manor. It had taken Laura three days to awaken and when she had the demon had almost immediately seized her, the hunger had been so great she’d torn the hog to pieces. The carcass would need to be removed, he noted, just in case she awoke again today then she’d need fresh blood and meat. Lamia had only given her a week to gain control over her hunger for blood. But Darius knew, as did all vampires that sometimes the demon would crave more then just to feed. There was also the primitive urge to mate. She could go into a sexual frenzy soon and sometimes, if that was left unchecked, it could be almost as consuming and dangerous as the bloodlust.

The demon in Darius trembled. It had been a while for him as well. With each decade that passed it would become easier for the body to suppress certain urges. Blood was always a constant necessity, but the frequency and the urgency could be tamed, predicted and controlled by ensuring that one fed regularly. Lamia had taught him various tricks to control the ‘beast’ caged within, but every now and then the demon would rear its ugly head and they’d be lost in the haze until the feeding had finished. Then they’d sleep, as Laura was sleeping now, and could do so for hours or days at a time. When they awoke, it would be to feel incredibly charged, revived and in most cases the horror of the offenses they’d committed would be nothing them then a dream easily forgotten upon opening your eyes.

Lamia slipped a hand on his shoulder; she leaned forward to survey the computer screen before her with complete silence. Darius tried to decipher her thoughts, but with Lamia such a feat was almost always impossible. She’d spent nearly two millenniums in constructing a wall around her mind and her heart. And the select few whom had managed to scale it, did so only to find that there were other obstacles in their path. Darius knew she loved him as much as she could love anyone – like a younger brother or perhaps a child, but she never let her feelings show beyond a certain point.

Then there was Sangard, he’d been loyal to her and her cause; older then she by a paltry forty seven years which to a vampire were like minutes. With Sangard, Darius knew Lamia had complete faith and trust but she even kept him at arms length. The mission was all that consumed her now. That, and her thirst for Luther’s death.

“Is this the first time she’s awoken?” Lamia finally spoke breaking through the silence and the train of Darius’s thoughts.

“Yes.” He replied with a deft nod, his hand skimming across his lips as he watched Laura twitch and jerk. The demon was already becoming restless. She’d awake again very soon.

“When she feeds again, alert me at once. How are the other two fairing?” Darius switched the screen to display the video streams of the three cells. The third they’d brought just that night was still as death and had not moved. The second was ravenously feeding on sow that’d been released into her cell.

“Turn on the audio.” Lamia instructed. Darius complied and the greedy sound of teeth ripping through raw flesh along with the constant growl of the demon filtered through. The demons within them squirmed in response to the frenzy. She didn’t have to say it but Darius knew what she was thinking and killed the audio feed. There was a faint ring of red around the malt colored irises of Lamia’s eyes. She’d been so consumed over the last twenty four hours she’d neglected her own hunger, a fact that could be potentially dangerous. Lamia was considered one of the few existing ancients. That made her strength far greater then the younger generations and as she grew stronger so did the demon. If she allowed herself to slip into the bloodlust, she’d tear apart half the city before her savagery could be contained.

“Go on.” Darius urged. “She won’t be up for another hour or so. I’ll find you once she has.” Lamia straightened, her eyes closed and he knew she was pushing the demon down, locking it under her control before she nodded her head in consent.

“Very well. I will be in confinement. Sector 12; you can reach me on intercom if necessary.” Darius watched her walk away and disappear down the hall with all the speed and agility of a vampire. It had been nearly six months since she’d been placed in confinement and that had been because she’d neglected her urges for six weeks. The result had been that both Sangard and Darius had to forcibly confine her in Sector 12 for three days. She’d raged and fed, fucked and maimed countless male inmates that Sangard had lifted from various maximum security facilities across the United States. Afterwards she’d refused to speak for a week’s time, furious with herself for letting the demon reach such a state where she’d been unable to do anything other then become a raging monster, helpless against its urge to sate its many different appetites.

He switched cameras from Laura’s cell to where Lamia confined herself. She was standing in the middle of the room, her eyes closed and Darius could see the ripple in her soul as clearly as one would see an arm move. The demon was awakening and she was slowly allowing it to surface. With a flick of his fingers along the keys, the video returned to show the three cells. Sangard had already taken care of the slaughtered remains in the two where both Laura and Zahra had awoken to feed and whom now were both unconscious; bathed in blood and gore.

A week from now we’ll assess where we stand; if she’s too volatile or if she is overpowered by the demon then she’ll have to die. Lamia’s words returned to haunt him; within his core a flicker of anger and protection arose at the thought. He’d spent the last seventeen years watching her after being appointed Laura’s guardian. It had been his job to watch over and protect her like a ‘shadow’. And when it had mattered most he’d failed her.

He would not let it happen again, no matter the cost.

*****

The bright lights beamed down on Candice, stinging her eyes while the steady blips of machines in the background reminded her that she was in a hospital. Shortly after speaking with the detectives she’d been beset with a raging fever. Slipping in and out of consciousness she could only remember mere fragments. She’s lost a lot of blood. There is no wound on her body to indicate or explain the blood loss…fever reaching one hundred and twelve…she should be dead by now…

“Candice Faust?” Opening her eyes it was to see the pale face of the woman she remembered to be Detective Faye Sunhill. She was seated in a chair near the hospital bed. There were three empty coffee cups and a fourth simmered away; was cupped in her hands. “Ms. Faust, do you remember who I am?”

“Yes.” Her voice sounded so weak and her throat cracked. She felt so thirsty, so dehydrated, almost like she’d been sucked dry.

“Ms. Faust, I understand you’re not well and are therefore in need of rest but I have a few more questions for you in regards to the statement you made. I need to clear this up as quickly as possible. Will you speak with me?” Instead of answering aloud, Candice merely nodded her head. Her eyes were squinted against the glare of the florescent lights but the longer she kept them open, the less it caused her discomfort.

“Ms. Faust, you claimed that you saw the assailant bite the victim ‘Saadia Naseer’, is that correct?” Again Candice nodded. “When you tried to pry him off of her, he then turned and bit you as well.” Another nod. “He bit you through your coat.” Candice opened her mouth to speak but when her voice cracked again she resorted to a third nod.

“I see.” Faye said slowly. Her blue eyes shut for a moment, and fingertips pressed firmly to the closed lids. “Ms. Faust there is no indication that you were bitten, there is no wound on your body, no teeth marks, no punctures or cuts of any kind, can you explain this?” There was a moment of shock, Candice felt her mouth fall open and her mind raced. She remembered seeing the fangs, feeling them sink into her, so deep and powerful. She remembered the rush and the fire coursing through her veins and the flood of pain.

It was so clear…

“No.” She forced herself to say. “I can’t. He bit me. I was covered in blood – my blood.” It was true, when they’d spoken with her in the car yesterday evening, Faye had noticed the drying blood on her hands and clothes. They’d sent it to the lab to compare it to the blood found at the scene. There had been no match. It hadn’t belonged to the vic.

“You also told us that you saw the attacker change into a wolf and run away.” Faye leaned back in her chair and rested the now empty cup of coffee with the others that had collected on the small night table alongside Candice’s hospital bed. “Is it just as possible that he might have had the animal with him; that in your delirious and disoriented state you thought you saw him change into the beast when really the creature had been there the whole time?” Candice entertained the thought for a moment then shook her head emphatically.

“It was him. He changed.”

“Candice, you’re not helping me.” Faye argued, she leaned forwards and pressed the palms of her hands to her face both from fatigue as much as frustration.

“Well I am sorry Detective Sunhill. I am telling you what I know. It’s your job to make sense of it based off what the evidence tells you.”

While part of her wanted to argue the facts further, she decided against it. Clearly it wasn’t going to make a difference in the slightest bit as Candice’s mind was made up.

“Very well. Get some rest Ms. Faust.” Rising to her feet, Faye donned her leather jacket and exited the hospital room with quick and deliberate strides. Kyle was waiting for her in her beat up departmental vehicle with yet another steaming cup of black coffee in hand ready for her.

“I could kiss you for this.” She said with the first smile in days; peeled back the lid and inhaled the deep rich scent. She didn’t know how, but he always managed to find the best, freshly brewed coffee.

“Has her story changed?” He asked while gunning out the hospital parking lot and pulling out into the street which was filling up with early morning traffic.

“Nope. Still swears up and down that he bit her, even though there isn’t a single mark on her body. And she’s also convinced he changed into some kind of werewolf before her eyes.”

“She was distressed and in a weakened state. It’s easy to mix delusions with reality in such circumstances.” Faye opened her mouth to agree with him, but she recalled Candice’s face and something inside of her began to doubt. There wasn’t a moment’s pause, and her eyes had been clear and focused. Not dazed or cloudy with drugs or fear. She was sure about what she had seen.

“Has the video for the lot been pulled?” Faye asked while tipping her car seat back as far as it would go.

“Yes. I received the call about twenty minutes ago to say that it’s arrived and waiting for you on your desk.”

“Good. Wake me when we get to the precinct. I need a power nap.” Kyle had deliberately doubled back and circled the block to afford her an extra thirty minutes before reaching over to lightly shake her shoulder. She’d barely flinched when he touched her shoulder but there had been a slight murmur that caught in her throat, and her eyes appeared vaguely haunted when they first opened. However, as always, she put the wall up quick enough that most wouldn’t have noticed the moment of vulnerability. But he did. He always did. And one day, he intended on finding out what sort of ghosts were chasing her when she slept.

******

It was pushing close to three thirty in the afternoon and Faye had reviewed the footage about a hundred times. It had all happened in a matter of minutes and not all of it was clear since they only had one angle to work with. Unfortunately, once Candice lunged at the attacker she was knocked back out of the camera’s vantage point. A full minute went by before what appeared to be the largest wolf she’d ever seen set itself on Saadia who had lain there, still as death. Then the animal was off in a flash and gone from sight within seconds.

And while that was enough to perplex her, what happened afterwards had only confused her further. It was impossible to tell given the angle but Faye watched while a man emerged from behind the pillar. He was tall; perhaps six foot five with hair so blonde it appeared white and fell well past his shoulders. Despite the cold winter weather he wore a simple leather jacket which grazed his thighs but was not long enough to conceal the broadsword he’d strapped to his back. He’d come and lifted the body of Saadia Naseer in his arms then for a moment simply stood there and gazed down in what Faye could only assume was Candice’s direction.

“What are you doing?” Faye whispered aloud. “What are you looking at?”

“He’s deciding whether or not to leave her there.” Kyle spoke up and rewound the tape enough for them to reexamine his entrance but just around the thirty second mark the tape went to static and in a three second delay the screen cleared and he was gone, only a faint ring of mist had remained before quickly evaporating.

“There’s no way he’d have cleared the lot in three seconds.” Faye interjected. “There are no cars in sight and from this angle we can see straight down to almost the end of the parking facility. Carrying the dead weight of a girl who probably weighed close to a hundred and twenty pounds…call me crazy but am I missing something here?” Faye turned from the screen to face Kyle. “This was not the same man who had attacked her earlier. In fact, we have yet to see the reappearance of that man or the animal and we know the suspect acted alone. The girls had walked by that same pillar exactly three minutes and forty seven seconds before they were jumped. They would have seen that man standing there, carrying a sword and probably would have freaked right out, which can only lead to the logical yet illogical conclusion that –.”

“That he wasn’t there to begin with.” Kyle finished her sentence while leaning back in his chair.

“Exactly!” In a very dramatic gesture to further emphasize her point, she slapped her hand down on her desk. “But how did he get there? He couldn’t have just went ‘poof’ and magically materialized out of nothing.” Leaning back in her seat as well, Faye gripped her short golden brown hair and tugged hard enough that it hurt more then her headache.

“Let take this video to the lab; have the technicians break it apart frame for frame. We need an enhanced photo of our attacker and our mystery man. We’ll put their faces on pamphlets and go door to door, hell on the six o’clock news if we have to.”

“There could potentially be a problem with that,” Kyle raised his pen in the air like a school boy seeking permission from his teacher before daring to speak. “The Commander specifically said to stay away from the press without his say so.”

Faye released a weary sigh. “Somehow I’ll work the Commander into giving me the go ahead with the media. While I do that why don’t you try and get a clear look at the ‘wolf’ so we can have an image sent to animal control for an ID. Once we know what we’re dealing with we’ll examine the market and see who has made any exotic purchases in the last decade. I want answers. I want information, whatever it takes.”

Kyle turned from Faye and rolled his eyes in the direction of the clock which busily ticked away. “If our perp stays true to form,” He said while swiveling back to face his frustrated partner, “then we could be looking at a fourth within the next seven hours.” Faye’s blue eyes turned to ice and narrowed in her sockets.

“I’ll be damned if I let that happen.”

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PostPosted: Thu Jul 24, 2008 4:30 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
When they awoke, it would be to feel incredibly charged, revived and in most cases the horror of the offenses they’d committed would be nothing them then a dream easily forgotten upon opening your eyes.


One of few run on sentences you have in your story, they are not major run ons but they are still run ons. Speak your words out clearly, and if you run out of breathe saying one sentence, its a run on.


Quote:
“Let take this video to the lab;

"Lets take this video to the lab to get it examined;[/quote]
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PostPosted: Fri Oct 03, 2008 11:30 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Chapter three, here I go Wink hehe

Quote:
When Laura awoke it was to find herself surrounded by darkness.


This is very oddly worded. Try instead something like: When Laura awoke, she found herself surrounded by darkness. or something like that.


Quote:
“Well I am sorry Detective Sunhill. I am telling you what I know. It’s your job to make sense of it based off what the evidence tells you.”


Should be a comma after "sorry"


Quote:
“Very well. Get some rest Ms. Faust.”


Comma after "rest"
And this goes for dialogue as well. When there is a name the character is refering to as they talk, there should be a comma always before it like so:

"blah blah blah, NAME."

or

"NAME, blah blah blah."


Quote:
“I could kiss you for this.” She said with the first smile in days; peeled back the lid and inhaled the deep rich scent.


Okay, it should be a lowercase "s" on "she" here. You need to remember that this dialogue piece should read:

"I could kiss you for this," she said... Comma after "this" and small "s" on "she" that's proper way to do it. Just remember this for future use Wink

Oooo, this is getting so good, Sorsha! Very Happy

The only part that kind of confused me was the part in the beginning. Is Darius and Lamina dating...or what? Or did they before? Try to clear that up about their history.

Otherwise, I'm on to chapter four!

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PostPosted: Mon Oct 06, 2008 2:08 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

hello ashleylee - wow you've been busy eh? LOL

Again, thanks for pointing out the errors.

As for your question:

Quote:
The only part that kind of confused me was the part in the beginning. Is Darius and Lamina dating...or what? Or did they before? Try to clear that up about their history.


All will be revealed in due time Wink but I guess since you've being so incredible with the reviews I will give you a spoiler.

No, they are not a couple. Lamia is more like a mentor or perhaps an older sister. There never has, nor ever will be a sexual relationship between the two.
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