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Jamie_rocks
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 Posted: Mon Jul 07, 2008 12:37 am Post subject: |
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Hmmmmm, I'd say 9/10. I like the plot, but werewolves is a little unoriginal. I think you should come up with something different to be plaguing the humans. But that might just be me, and other than that, very good idea.
Yes, I'm back. Okay, I just started outlining this, so it probably isn't that good, I just wanted an opinion. Sorry, it's kind of long.
This man was seven years old in 1828. His crazy father had murdered the younger sister of these three men. He pleaded insanity and was sent to a mental institute, which he lived out the remainder of his life in. The men didn't believe he was punished enough, and decided to go after the one thing that would really hurt him, his son. A wizard knew that the man were plotting to kill the boy, and felt bad. He made this pendant, seemingly unknowing to the three men. As long as the pendant wasn't destroyed, the man could not die. It also drastically slowed down aging, so in 2008 the man is only 26 years old. The man does not know how, but the brothers have followed him through the years, and they know all about his pendant and how to destroy it. In an attempt to save himself, the man goes on a journey from the streets of New York to the oceans of Hawaii to the deserts of Australia, but when he finally finds his old house, he finds that centuries ago, the brothers tracked down the wizard, tortured all the information out of him, forced him to make them all pendants, then killed him. The only hope for the man is a letter written from the wizard's long lost daughter. In order to save his life, he must go on a wild goose chase in a race against time. He has to hope that this daughter is alive, knows how to destroy the brothers' pendants (all the pendants created have a different ritual to destroy them), and isn't just a ploy to lead the man into a trap.
Also, I don't know whether I should start with him in '08 and gradually explained what happened so the readers don't really know his childhood events or that he is immortal, or have his childhood as a prologue or something. Thnanks for the time. |
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LoveableLittleSock
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| Posted: Mon Jul 07, 2008 12:55 am Post subject: |
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It's.. well, 6 outta 10. Because one, I'm not so fond of fantasy, and it's nonsensical. They only want to kill the man to get back at the guy who murdered their sister. That guy is obviously dead, because it was 190 years ago, so why are they sill trying to kill him? And the pendants are just a fill-in to make the story move along and practical. I do like the time change though - the 19th century to the 21st. Pretty cool.
Okay, for my first project, I want to do something easy: chick lit. It's not EASY, per se, but you know, it will get me started. It's about 19-year-old Mirabelle moving into the city to pursue a career in radio with her 11th grade boyfriend, Michael. They become the love doctors "Mike and Mira," and are on their way to becoming major radio personalities...
...until Mira catches Michael cheating on her with the radio producer. They inevitably break up, resulting in the show failing and both of them losing their jobs. Mira is forced to move out of her apartment because she can't afford it, and has to move in with her schoolmate, Laura. Trying to get back on her feet, Mira discovers that radio is the one thing that she's really good at. She gets another job at a radio station and works there for a while before convincing the producer that she can handle her own show.
When Michael doesn't appreciate the competition, for he has his own show too, he mercilessly attacks her over the air. Her first career in jeopardy, Mira is attempting to juggle work and her personal life and panicking on top of everything - but she's determined to show the world she can prevail.. but can she? |
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Jay
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| Posted: Tue Jul 08, 2008 3:21 am Post subject: |
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Well, I'd give it a 7 out of 10 because I like the drama element and it has potential for a pretty funny radio battle between Michael and Mira. That could be cool. A lot of it could depend on Mira's characterisation and personality-it could really work well if she's a feisty, assertive go-getter but less so if she's more passive and sensitive. I'm not that keen on chick lit, but that's more of a personal thing.
Can I also say I want Jamie_rocks's imagination?
Here we go...
It's a 21st-century setting with a fantasy twist and it's set on a country called Ellophene. There's TV, computers, video games and cell phones, but there's also wizards, dwarves, elves and gods. There are often hybrids-one character is one-eighth angel and half dwarf.
Ellophene is ruled by the monarchy, and Kemsyt Leviticus is the heir to the throne. He will be taking over now because his father is ending his term (You only reign for twenty years, then it's the next person's turn).
Unfortunately, Alberic (a wizard) also wants to be King-so he can rid Ellophene of the "mundane"-people with no magical ability. This is pretty uh-oh, because Kemsyt's mundane, as is his father. In fact, quite a few people are mundane, and they're all depending on Kemsyt. |
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Jamie_rocks
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| Posted: Wed Jul 23, 2008 3:43 am Post subject: |
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Hmmm, I'd give it a 9/10. I love the whole mix between fantasy and technology. It also sounds like a very interesting plot; the only reason it's not a full ten is because I've watched or read a lot of things with someone trying to steal the throne from the heir. However, as I said, the modern twist originalizes it. I would definitely read it if the blurb was good.
Okay, here's one I've sort of been developing for a while, though I'm not sure how original it is.
Renae and Khrystal are best friends, and practically twins. Renae's father is rich, so they have this huge house. One night while her father is out of town, Khrystal spends the night at Renae's house. Unfortunately for Renae, there's ransom hunters after her, but through a mix up of bedrooms, they grab Khrystal instead. After they realize their mistake, and that Khrystal has seen their faces, they decide it's best to kill her before returning for Renae. To prevent being followed, they sneak her into Canada, but after around four days of running, and a bad winter storm, Khrystal ends up stranded in Alaska's wilderness. As if that wasn't enough, a group of the ransom hunters are looking for her, and she's heard plans for the rest of them to go back and snag Renae. Now the head cheerleader of Thomson High School has to fight her way through miles of untamed Alaskan wilderness, find help, and back to Washington in time to warn Renae.
This will actually continue into a second novel, the idea for which I'll put up is this one gets a good rating. |
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ProfessorRabbit
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| Posted: Wed Jul 23, 2008 3:16 pm Post subject: |
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5/10. It seems kind of elaborate to sneak her into Canada just to kill her; hell, if she's the girl's best friend, "practically twins," they might even be able to get her family to pay a ransom for both of them. How the heck does she get away into the Alaskan wilderness, anyway? A pampered cheerleader would probably die.  I'd also change the spelling of Khrystal's name. It seems a little forced.
(( Of course, I work at the department of Vital Statistics, so I've seen the depraved names people actually give their real-life children. Khrystal is pretty tame. ))
My idea:
Denial Becomes You
A young girl, Gracie, with a screwed-up family life ( part of a previous work ) has finally won free of her past and is just trying to live a normal life as a high-school girl. She's finally managed to force it all back in her mind - until the dreams start. Night after night, she dreams of a handsome stranger, mysterious, alluring, but most definitely evil. He calls her by name, and beckons her to come with him and be his bride in the world of nightmares. Gracie tries to keep it to herself, but soon she is preventing herself from sleeping, and the obvious strain soon makes itself apparant to the girl's best friend, Luna, a hispanic girl with incubus blood in her veins. Gracie's own family has fey blood, though she herself is only human. Luna tries to help her friend with the limited powers she has developed, but the situation only worsens. Soon, the man starts appearing in real life, showing up at Gracie's school, at her job, on the street... In their attempts to escape him, the two teenagers find themselves thrown into a dark world built on nightmares, from which they may never escape!
I dunno. It's a kind-of sequel to a previous novel, but it stands alone as well. |
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Jamie_rocks
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| Posted: Sun Jul 27, 2008 10:38 pm Post subject: |
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Hmm, I'd say 9/10. It seems interesting, but the blurb and cover art would be the hit or miss.
My idea:
The Revenge (Questioning Title)
Annie was five years old when she stood by this lake and watched her mom drown her older brother, then herself. She's fifteen now. After a rocky start at first, she's finally steadied out in high school. She's making friends, dating, and doing her best to put Mark's death behind her, with the help of her wonderful adopted parents. Then Mark comes back. It's nothing new to see his face in her nightmares, but when he starts showing up in the waking world, she starts to wonder if she's being haunted. Though she's terrified, she can't really blame him. After all, she lived. Only Mark was cruelly murdered, and he's come back to get his revenge on her. But Annie starts to realize that it might not be her Mark's after, and she may have more to fear from the living than the supernatural.
And then of course, there's a twist at the end, but I'm not going to spoil it. |
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StolenHearts.
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| Posted: Mon Sep 15, 2008 2:32 am Post subject: |
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9/10-Jamie_Rocks
Because I'm all for a good horror out of the ordinary book  I find the plot really interesting, and I hope you expand on it more.
well here's my idea (even if you don't like it I'm probably going to do it anyway)
No title comes to mind :/
It's set in the 1990's In the house of the Spelding family. Alora J. Valdrez was adopted into the Spelding family at age seven. Leanne, Demetrius and Joselyn are now her family. Of course it is complicated to love someone who detests you, Alora is abused by Leanne and Demetrius. Joselyn the eleven year old can only sit and watch her eighteen year old step sister be punished for nothing. Alora is beaten because she is different not of her own choice though. She soon is introduced to another world of which humans are blind of, so why can Alora see it.
I know this isn't a very good point of view but right now this story is in the making. I am a perfectionist so i believe in time it will turn into something completely new. I'm pretty sure all of you are going to think this stupid but it's jumbled in my mind I just have to find a way to bring it out.
--mackenzie L. |
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tnme22
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| Posted: Mon Sep 15, 2008 3:15 am Post subject: |
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7/10...I had to read it over a second time because I was confused the first time, so many names 
Its sounds pretty good though, good luck with it
This story is still kind of vague in my head so yeah...
The Legend
Alright so this girl (unnamed right now) goes to this camp with two of her friends for almost half her summer. It's a really fun camp and she's really excited.
While there they learn a legend about the camp. Basically the legend says that there are these spirits that live in the camp, good ones and bad ones. Every 100 years the bad spirits come and wreck havoc on the camp if someone unleashes them. After X number of days of madness the good spirits come and fix things.
Well, it's that 100th year anniversary and someone accidentally unleashes the spirits. Some people die and eventually the MC gets the good spirits to come and saves the day.
I have like a page done and an extremely rough outline of it so yeah...
I'm not very good at explaining things, I know... |
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Cobra
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| Posted: Mon Sep 15, 2008 5:39 pm Post subject: |
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6/10. Would be more but for the plot's roughness. Ooooookay, my plot is very complicated and probably hard to understand, but I'll try to narrow it down to the bare essentials. It's set in 2165. The main character is an assassin called Cobra(Real name Christopher Sickle) He isn't a good guy and he doesn't care about anything other than money. He's blackmailed into doing a job for the Mafia, to assassinate someone called Ivar Zakovsky, a crazy Russian who wants to make his country great again. He has found a new type of radiation called Belphazi(which will, if I write more than one book, play a large part in the series) and experimenting on plant matter with it, trying to create a sentient army of plant-creatures, noting the animating effect it had on them.
But his plan worked too well and one of his creations became too clever and powerful, eventually planting a spore inside him and controlling him through that.(The plant-king will also feature in the second book) Cobra's attempts to kill Zakovsky/ the plant-king before he becomes invincible are hampered by two Sinefesh(a race born at the beginning of the world, Sinefesh have inspired vampire and demon stories throughout the centuries because they have two forms and can change at will.) Their unnatural powers mean that Cobra can't kill them despite being half-werewolf himself(werewolves evolved recently, a hybrid race affected by Belphazi radiation, causing genetic mutation. They are involved in a constant war with the Sinefesh) They don't do much in the first book but if all goes well they'll play a much larger part later. By the time Cobra catches up with him, the plant-lord has fully manifested himself in Zakovsky and seems invincible. Thus follows a swordfight on the steel girders of the Belphazi launching ramp, directly above the cave of stalagmites where the radiation was originally discovered. Cobra, under orders to complete the mission "By any means possible" realises that the only possible way to kill Zakovsky is to overload his system with Belphazi, which in small doses is beneficial but a large amount can kill the plants. It ends with Cobra throwing himself at Zakovsky and taking them both over the edge, falling towards the sharp stalagmites below.
(P.S. Go vegetarianism!) |
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Bickazer
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| Posted: Mon Sep 15, 2008 11:33 pm Post subject: |
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5/10
It's not my cup of tea first of all, and second some aspects just sound cheesy. Like the "plant monsters"...uh...O_o The "new radiation" idea sounds corny too. I hope it does have some scientific backing to it; doesn't have to be a lot but at least should seem halfway plausible.
A girl called Jill Edwards moves to a new town. She dislikes her younger brother Ezra, who doesn't act in a socially acceptable way. Namely, Ezra seems obsessed with a fantasy world he believes is real. Somehow Jill and Ezra end up in this fantasy world, which is real. Jill discovers the monarchy in the world is stagnating and the times are turbulent. Though she and Ezra first befriend an intensely pro-royalty girl warrior Janis, they later find themselves drawn to the mysterious revolutionary, the blind illusionist Proteus...
This is an idea I cooked up in school today because I was bored, so it's rough and really goes nowhere. It intrigues me mostly for providing a chance to apply to Brinton's theory of revolutions to a fantasy setting. Because I got tired of how intensely pro-monarchy most fantasy stories seem. |
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Jamie_rocks
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| Posted: Sun Oct 12, 2008 3:19 am Post subject: |
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8/10. It seems original enough. Minus points because you don't know where it's going.
This is what would be the synopsis on the back of the book if it was ever published. (Not that it ever will be)
Brad Liftridge had a pretty good life. Sure, his looks weren't perfect and he didn't exactly love his step-dad, but he was still pretty lucky. Until the last day of school, when he found and read the old love note wedged in a corner of his locker. Then unexplainable "accidents" start happening. To save himself and his family, Brad must dig deep into his town's history and uncover the secrets buried there. But what he finds isn't what he expected, and it just might destroy him... |
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BrokenSword
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| Posted: Sun Oct 12, 2008 8:14 am Post subject: |
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Interesting plot, but I feel there is not enough information, especially at the end, to hold my attention. Perhaps you could mention or hint what these accidents are? I see what you are getting at, though, and I think if I had a little more information, I would pick it up and read it. ^_^
(Set in the 1880's)
One night in a lonely Western town, a prostitute is in the middle of offering her services to a client in a hotel room when suddenly, a loud bang in the room next door and a scream is heard. The two stop and investigate once they hear someone run from the room, and find a man dead. A killer has struck, and the prostitute and the client find that they are the only witnesses.
The unlikely pair, the loud, colorful prostitute named Eliza and her client, a young, nervous man-about-town called Kit set out on a mission to find the murderer.
The journey is dangerous as they try to dodge the killer and his posse, who continuously try to foil them. Along the way, Kit asks her for sex occasionally, but she refuses unless he pays up. Secretly though, she harbors a growing romantic interest in him. Once their quest to bring the killer to justice reaches the surrounding towns and eventually the papers, they become more famous than they had hoped.
(Note: changed from previous idea...was too close to Twilight for me ^_^ ) |
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Jamie_rocks
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| Posted: Mon Oct 27, 2008 5:42 am Post subject: |
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Hmm, I'd say 7/10. It really doesn't seem to pull me in that much; I've read or heard of too many stories like this. One thing I don't get though, is why a common prostitute would be willing to risk he life to track down a murderer. Maybe I'm just stereotypical, but that really doesn't seem likely to me.
One more thing (didn't have to do with your score) if this is supposed to be like the synopsis at the end of the book, I think you should change the second sentence n the last paragraph. It's really choppy, and that throws off potential readers.
***********
Okay, I'm just gonna give the whole plot so I can see what people think of it, instead of just the synopsis. I'm thinking of naming the novel Fred, namely because I can't think of anything better:
Katherine Thompson prided herself in having a perfect little life. She was beautiful, rich, and had an amazing, supportive, and not to mention hot boyfriend. Unfortunately, her illusion is shattered on the night of the senior fair, when her boyfriend Lucas Mase wins her a little toy clown named Fred. A week later, during summer, her parents are killed in a freak car accident. Katherine and her little brother Brannon go to live with their Aunt Elizabeth and Uncle Keith, who lived in a bad side of town. Then, her best friend Missy, whose attending the University, is hospitalized. Katherine plans on going to Brannon for help, but that night, he had snuck out of the house to meet a friend. He was robbed and beaten to death.
Through all this Lucas has been there, helpful and understanding. Less than a month later when her aunt and uncle are also killed, Lucas even offers to let her stay with him in his little apartment. Finally, Katherine starts to think that Fred might be behind it all. Even though the police think she's crazy, Lucas believes her, and recognizes how scared she really is. (I don't know how yet) Katherine finally figures out how to destroy Fred. She thinks she's doing it to protect herself and Lucas; after all, Lucas is her only close friend left, and believes it wouldn't have been long before Fred came after them. What she learns in the end though, is that Fred had been cursed by Lucas, and sent out to kill her.
As it turns out, three years ago Katherine had dated Lucas' older brother Dalton. Dalton had problems that Katherine didn't know about, and she also didn't know he really loved her. When she broke up with him, he fell apart. That summer he had gone off to college. Two weeks into the year, he committed suicide. Katherine passed it off as graduation-related stress. She didn't read his note though, because Lucas shredded it right after reading about his beloved big brother had killed himself because some rich airhead had left him for someone new.
Lucas had a passion for witchcraft, and it happened that he knew how to curse things, or to make them go after someone. His curse gave Fred too much power though, and the little doll began to think for itself. Fred felt his creator's hatred for Katherine, but decided that the best way to punish her would be to let her live the rest of her life with all her loved ones dead. Fred became too powerful, and Lucas couldn't stop him. When Katherine destroyed him though, she threw open that little blocked door, giving Lucas the perfect opportunity to get his revenge on her.
*******
I haven't decided if she's gonna live or not. I'll have to talk to my friends first. Sorry, I know it's long, but I wanted to see what people thought of the twist. |
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W
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| Posted: Mon Oct 27, 2008 8:43 pm Post subject: |
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First of all its WAAAAAAAY too long. Seriously, you can say all of this in fifty words or less. An agent wouldn't want to read that much just to get the jist, and it felt like a chore to read whole parargraphs that could've easily been changed to a few sentances.
As for the idea itself, what is Katherine doing when Lucas invites her into her apartment? Is she going to college too? How does a doll cause a car crash, and rob/beat a person to death? How does Katherine even come up with the idea that a small, clown doll killed so many people? Shouldn't the police notice that everyone related to her is being killed and put her under the Witness Protection Program or something? You probably know most of these, I just thought of some questions to think about.
The whole witchcraft thing seems really random. It seems like you just tagged it on Lucas at the last second to give a reason for the doll to be alive. Other than Katherine somehow killing it, it sounds like a Chucky rewrite.
--
Kingdom of Blank
A lonely, unnoticable college student named Blank entering his final year, frustrated by his shallow friends and total lack of social life, falls into a coma. Within his frozen state, he creates a new universe, the D World, where all of his most fantastic dreams and adventures come to life in a Kingdom where he is flamboyantly powered, adored captain of the Forever Knights. The day after his coma, however, a mysterious man named Rainford Alexander Bishop Lucksphere the III arrives in the ER, declaring himself the greatest doctor on earth after his famous cures of dozens of the world's most deadlty diseases.
Back in the D World, Blank has already awoken several times (for just a few moments) because of Rainford's excellent treatment, and fears that the next time he'll awake for good. His fears become manifested in the Cherish Paladins, assasians conjured from the sterile and medicine injected into Blank's physichal body. Suddenly, he senses someone new in the D World, and a similarily strange man named Platinum.
The man instantly knocks him out, taunts him as he wakes up in a tightly bound bed, and leading him outside to a conversation with the King and Queen, whom he's actually brainwashed. Still, he dosen't kill Blank, only toying with him as he treats everything around him like a card game. He reveals himself as an invader from the R World (real world), and is only testing and manipulating him on the orders of his enigmatic employer, W.
As Rainford becomes increasingly frustrated that he cannot break Blank out of his coma, and practices more agressive methods, Platinum spirals his imaginary world into more and more chaos, blurring the line between friend and foe. Blank struggles as Rainford's more eerie experiments on him change his universe into more twsted forms, and ponders what plan W could possibly want him for. |
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thunder_dude7
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| Posted: Mon Oct 27, 2008 10:28 pm Post subject: |
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9/10. I like the idea, but I felt the majority of the character's names were poor.
***
Daniel, Allyson, and Elizabeth all have complicated and tragic backgrounds, which have eventually led for all three of them to take care of themselves. Daniel and Allyson, sibilings, decide to join the military so the people in their town don't have to take care of them, and Elizabeth joins to gain experience and eventually take revenge on a murderer.
The three of them become good friends, and everything seems to be going quite well. However, one day, during normal routines, a person faints and becomes very ill. The next day, two become diseased. Three on the third day. Eventually, Daniel's roommate, Brad, catches the disease, prompting the three of them to look into this.
First, Allyson and Elizabeth team up to steal a book for research. Next, Daniel begins talking to Brad every evening to check symptoms and check the disease's progression.
Meanwhile, Elizabeth struggles to bond with her mount, a pegasus named Seraph. Meanwhile, she tries to avoid a harassing boy named Jacob.
Daniel, at the time, becomes close friends with a girl named Sarah. Sarah, unlike typical popular girls, is very compassionate and kind, causing her to be very well liked.
As life goes on, the county eventually becomes aware of the mobilization of a neighboring country's army. Because their military has been plagued by a similar disease that is spreading faster, those who are still in training are called to aid in the conflict.
Elizabeth then diagnoses the disease based on what they have found and decides that there is a traitor in the camp. The three of them go along with the army's movement, and a battle takes place. The three of them slip away in the middle of the battle when Allyson asks them to come with her. After they are far away, Allyson says that she had a feeling that they needed to leave, but she wasn't sure where to go.
The three of them, outside of their own knowledge, soon reach the place where the final battle will take place... |
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