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by Kraemer in Other Fiction
Young Writers Society Forum Index » Action/Adventure Fiction

This thread was created on July 22, 2008
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When Innocence Dies
When Innocence Dies ~ Chapter one
When Innocence Dies ~ Chapter three
When Innocence Dies - Chapter Four
When Innocence Dies ~ Chapter five
When Innocence Dies ~ chapter six

When Innocence Dies ~ Chapter two

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Sorsha2   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Tue Jul 22, 2008 3:11 pm    Post subject: When Innocence Dies ~ Chapter two Reply with quote

Hey everyone

the next installment of When Innocence dies introduces us to more characters. In this chapter we discover Faye and Kyle - two detectives who are investigating the mysterious murders that are springing up throughout the city.

It is a long chapter so if you want to review it in segments feel free to do so Smile

Thanks to anyone who takes the time to read and review, all comments are welcomed and appreciated.

Cheers

******

Chapter Two

There was never a time or place for death and murder, as far as Detective Faye Sunhill was concerned. But if there was anything she’d come to understand over her six years on the force, it was that neither of the two respected either fact. Winter had swept over Toronto with a fierce slap of icy winds and relentless snow storms. If the weather was a reflection of the moods of those who resided within the mega city, with days of grey skies and frigid temperatures dipping as low as minus thirty, it was no wonder that Faye had seen a jump in the homicide rate. Spanning from a homeless man being stabbed multiple times for a measly ten dollars to a husband deciding he could no longer handle the bonds of marriage and instead chose to heave his wife out a nine story window.

And now, here it was, with the sun barely arisen more then an hour in the sky and she’d been called in for her second homicide case; the second with enough blood to paint four walls and no body to be found in plain sight. Even with the light and frigid wind, Faye could still smell the sharp metallic scent of blood mixed with death. It was a smell she’d come to know and recognize as easily as it was for her to breathe.

Crouching low she surveyed the scene with her sharp blue eyes. There were several tracks; some she could tell had belonged to the victim, who’d made her way in what appeared to be a desperate run. The footprints that followed were still being analyzed by animal control. It was hard to distinguish them in the snow but there was one partial that had been preserved in the semi frozen mud near the edge of the small creek.

“I’ve sectioned another two sets of prints,” Faye peered up to see her partner of three years, Detective Kyle Brennar who stood at her side with his camera in hand busily snapping pictures of the crime scene. “They don’t match the victims shoe size or direction she was heading. They came along the opposite edge of the creek, one starts about three feet shy of this mark,” He gestured lazily over

his left shoulder. “The second set is just beyond the tree nearest to where the body must have been.”

“Was the area around their prints swept by hand or a branch maybe?” Faye rose to her full height and even then she was a full head shorter then Kyle who still hadn’t pulled his face away from his camera.

“Nope. The snow is covered with a thin layer of ice from the rainfall we had the other day and then froze over once temperatures dropped to freezing during the afternoon. It wouldn’t take much to break through it but it’s impossible to sweep away tracks. The two sets just appear in the middle of nowhere. It doesn’t make any sense.” Finally his face lifted away from the lens and Faye cursed the disturbingly female flutter she experienced each and every time she saw him.

He had the most striking and deep set eyes she’d ever seen on a man, a vivid and intense green framed with tawny brows; complete with a straight nose and an angular jaw which was always covered with a haze of beard. It wasn’t so much that he was attractive that always made her knees weak. It was his mind, his brilliant and captivating intellect and sharp wit. She just wanted to pick it all apart and dig deep until she found what made him tick. Then she’d probably give into her feminine urges and screw them both senseless, but hey, she was only human after all.

“You’re right, it doesn’t.” Turning around, she dragged both hands to her hips and analyzed the ugly crimson smear in the pristine white of the snow. They’d found a discarded backpack which had contained a high school ID. It had matched a missing person’s report that had been filed earlier that night from a worried mother when her daughter had failed to come home or answer her cell phone. Poor kid had just barely turned seventeen. After a search of the area the bag had been found by a patrol man, shortly after that her tracks that had led him through the park and towards the ravine where he’d stumbled on a bloody mess. There had been no body, but the forensics team found a broken necklace with a gold and amber pendant. Faye was willing to bet her years on the force that the parents would ID the necklace as one that belonged to their daughter, Laura McVey. The samples of blood they collected from the scene would only corroborate that fact.

“Judging from the indentations here, I’d say she’d fallen hard. Perhaps our assailant got a hold of her, maybe by the leg and took her down. The blood pooling around this area,” she waved a circle with one hand where there was a much larger concentration, “would indicate some kind of trauma to her leg or perhaps both. That would have made her practically immobile.” Faye tried to envision it in her mind. But what man could manage to snatch her as low that, while she was running; without slamming hard into the ground himself? Judging by the tracks that they had followed, he’d started out on two and then it became four…No, that’s just crazy.

“He must have brought some kind of animal with him. A large one. The members from animal control are a little perplexed by the paw print they found. It’s clearly recent and there was a swab done on a trace substance which turns out to be blood. My bet is it is going to match our Vic. My question is what kind of man would bring an obviously very large and very wild animal out into a residential neighborhood with him?” Kyle wondered aloud.

“Perhaps it was getting to expensive to feed the creature and so he decided to let it hunt for itself.” Faye replied mirthlessly. “This wouldn’t be the first time where I’ve seen a lunatic who purchases a wild and exotic creature and then a person is mauled by the beast as a result of the owner’s inability to control it.”

“Well this wasn’t some accident.” Kyle pointed out. “Our victim was deliberately targeted and stalked. Perhaps this is some twisted and sick way our suspect likes to kill. An animal can be used as a lethal weapon.” At this Faye only nodded, her eyes taking in the shapes and contours of the snow and blood, the creature had settled there, probably taken hold of her leg with its mouth. Poor girl.

“What about the second scene? You were the first on call and I’ve only just arrived here; both addresses are only within a four block radius of each other. Is there a connection?” Faye knew the answer before Kyle even managed to formulate a nod.

“No body; unlike this victim, all personal belongings were within eye sight of the scene. ID confirmed it was another female named Zahra Alavi. She attended the same school as this Vic and was in the same grade. It’s possible they even knew each other. Not as much blood had been present but there was very little evidence to be found all together.”

“Which means our first Vic had very little time to react. As for our second, she’d somehow managed to out run her attacker and put some serious distance from where he obviously intended to take her down. She’d left two weapons at the scene, we lifted clear prints and I’m almost positive they belong to her.” Faye turned her attention to the chaotic mix of snow and blood. “She was a fighter.”

“I wouldn’t argue that fact. As for the other, it took place in the middle of the street so there were no tracks left behind from either the victim or the assailant to compare against what we’ve found here. There’s one key element that I find interesting in both cases.” Turning the digital camera to face Faye, he skipped through the images until he found the one he’d taken outlining the entire crime scene.

“Tell me what you find to be odd.” Her eyes took in the shape of the blood, the way the snow was scrapped away from the concrete, as if she’d tried to claw herself away from her attacker…

“There’s no sign or indication that the body was removed. There’s no trail of blood leading away to show that she was dragged or carried…no residual flow to confirm whether or not she was eaten or disassembled and transported in piecemeal. Like the tracks here…the bodies seemed to have vanished.”

“Oh yeah, they vanished alright,” Kyle replied while he tucked the camera into his trench coat pocket, “into thin air.”

***********

Faye ran her hands over her face and felt the dull ache that had begun to form earlier that morning turn to a full blown and throbbing nuisance. She’d had to visit two families and tell them that their daughters had been savagely murdered. Without the presence of bodies at the scene it would have left some glimmer of hope with most that perhaps the girls had been taken alive, but the coroner had deemed it impossible given the amount of blood found at both crime scenes, which in his expert opinion had indicated otherwise. At the first scene there were small fragments of broken bone, skin and tissue along with animal’s hairs that were yet to be identified by the lab. They’d canvassed the neighborhood, knocked on countless doors and no one seemed to know or had heard a damn thing. No screaming. No shouting. Nothing.

And still there were no bodies to be found. Yet. Without bodies the families would be unable to have the kind of closure they’d need to properly mourn the dead. Finding corpses was not Faye’s primary concern. Instead she was more driven to bring down the bastard who killed them. That would be the best she could do for the McVey’s and Alavi’s. If in apprehending their murderer also led the authorities to their remains, then it would be an added bonus. Although her gut told Faye that there would be very little of them left at this point to recover. They’d be lucky if they stumbled across any bones in tact let alone anything identifiable.

Photos from both scenes were splayed out on the table before her, she’d analyzed them until she felt cross eyed and still nothing new jumped out at her. The tracks of the attacker started with a set of two feet, size ten and clearly male. Then in the next lunging ahead of him it changed to the animal but there were no prints to indicate the beast was present until that point.

“It doesn’t make sense.” Faye growled her frustration, fished her hands through her short and curly, honey colored hair to give it a hard yank. “Why does nothing about this make any sense?” A light tap at the door made her jump and spin around to see Kyle leaning against the jamb with two mugs of steaming coffee. The scent was like heaven – she could have wept in gratitude.

The dark circles under her eyes was the first thing he noticed, and her disheveled hair was second along with the rumpled clothing and white cotton t-shirt with a collar that she had been yanking on all days. All were clear signs that not only was she stressed, tired and agitated, but for the first time since they’d been partnered up, Faye was completely and utterly lost, unsure of herself and her case. Stepping away from the door he passed one steaming mug of black coffee into her outstretched hands. He waited until she’d taken a long and soothing gulp; the liquid heat warmed through her and brought some color back to her cheeks.

They’d been partners for three years and in all that time he noticed she always worked round the clock; sometimes she chose to even curl up on the small cot in her office overnight rather then commute home. Anyone who looked at her would see a woman brimming with confidence, one who knew how to not only do her job but who also knew how to maintain her head without losing herself in the system. She fought and she fought hard to close every case that passed her desk – not because it was her job, but because it was her passion, and partially because her father had left big shoes for her to fill. Aside from all that, she believed in justice. He’d never, in the last ten years he spent in homicide, met anyone like her. Nor did he think he ever would find another to compare.

There would only ever be one Detective Faye Sunhill.

“Any word yet from trace about the animal hairs and paw prints found at the ravine?” When she spoke her voice was light and sounded less weary. The coffee had worked its way into her system as he had hoped it would; now he would have to deliver the news that would potentially drag her back down again. But better it came from him then someone else.

“They have been able to narrow it down to canine but they’ve had no luck with identifying the breed other then it appears to be closest to that of a Gray Wolf. Given the size of the prints they estimate the animal to be approximately three hundred pounds; four and a half feet high when on all fours. There was a tooth fragment that had been mistaken as a bone belonging to the Vic. They’ve reconstructed a prototype of the tooth given the size and density of the shard.” He held it out for Faye to analyze; the shock that shadowed her features had been a look he’d shared only moments earlier when it had been presented to him. The reconstructed tooth was about as wide as her thumb; almost twice that in length. Faye turned it over and over again in her hand while her mouth slowly managed to form and make sense of the many words whirling through her mind.

“What could this have possibly come from? A three hundred pound wolf? Is that even conceivably possible?”

“As far as all the experts have told me – no. But the evidence seems to indicate otherwise. An animal that big would be very difficult to hide or contain as it would require ample room to run and get exercise. The suspect would have had to transport the creature in a van or perhaps a truck…how could no one have seen anything?”

Before Kyle was able to answer there was a slight tap at the door, both Detectives looked over to see their Commander, Brandon Stykes peering at them both with eyes as blue as cobalt and as hard as steel. The thin wiry hair on his head which he dyed reminded Faye of rusted steel wool and contrasted against his deeply tanned skin. The suit he wore was clean, crisp and fit him like a glove but the haggard expression on his face told Faye that he’d just finished his runin with the press who were undoubtedly having a field day broadcasting details of their murder investigation across the eleven o’clock news.

“Are the follow ups to your reports for the two morning homicides on my desk yet Detectives?”

“Yes Commander.” Kyle answered with a tip of his mug in salute. “We were just discussing a few details before turning in for the day.”

“Don’t bother.” Commander Stykes yanked viciously on his tie then unbuttoned the collar. “We’ve received a call – another homicide, given the details of the crime scene I’d say it’s the same perp. Although this time we have a witness. The officer who responded to the scene has her sitting in his black and white as well as established the perimeter. I want you both on scene to process and get a statement from the witness before the press gets wind and are crawling everywhere. Also, no one from our department is to release any further details and no comments are to be made without my express permission.” He was gone as quickly as he came but when he left the world around Faye seemed to spin out of control.

She looked down at her watch and read that the time was 10:46pm. He’d struck for a third time in less than twenty four hours.

**********

There was a mixture of rain and snow falling from the sky and even though there was little to no wind, the chill sank deep into Faye’s bones. Luckily the crime scene was situated in the empty lot of Bridlewood Mall which was covered with a concrete overhang protecting them from the elements. There was a small pool of blood mixed with dried stains from gasoline and coolant often found in parking facilities. The officer who’d been on scene had managed to keep most of the stragglers who were out and about at this hour, contained and the witness locked away in his squad car.

“It’s our guy.” Faye stated firmly with both of her hands jammed into her jean pockets to keep them warm. “From what I can see with my eyes there’s even a few traces of animal hair which look almost exact to what we found. I’ll get trace in here to start collecting the evidence. We should get the girl’s statement before the shock sets in much further.

When they opened the car door, she was sitting there, rocking ever so slightly in her seat. She wore a coat that was ripped on the left arm, her hands were bare and they were covered with drying blood. Faye opened the wallet that Officer Stojanovski had presented to her upon arrival and studied the picture and the name. In the photo, Faye saw a young teenage girl who was pretty, blonde and green eyed, probably very popular with the boys in school and comfortable with her looks and the attention they earned. She noted the age was the same as the other two victims and the school name on the card confirmed that she attended the same educational facility as both Laura and Zahra.

Interesting.

“Candice Faust?” When she heard her name, the girl jumped like a rabbit under the gun. The eyes that appeared so bright and bubbly in her photo were now gaunt and chased with shadows and fear.

“You know my name...” She whispered. “…so did he.” Her eyes glazed over with memories that Faye knew would come to haunt her in nightmares.

“Candice.” Faye lowered to her level and settled low on her haunches. “I need you to tell me what happened. What did you see?” Tears slipped down her cheeks and the whites of her eyes were blood red. She’d been trembling earlier, but now she was shaking uncontrollably.

“I was with Saadia. We were walking home together from the movie theatre – we went to go see Hannibal, you know – the one with Anthony Hopkins playing the psycho killer who eats people?” She lifted those tear filled eyes from Faye to Kyle and then back again. “We’d decided to cut through the parking lot since it would save us two blocks and we’d get home faster. She lives just up the street from me…” Candice closed her eyes and placed the back of her hand to her mouth to swallow the bile that was forcing its way up her throat.

“I heard him before we saw him. He came at Saadia from behind, snarling like a beast. I thought he was trying to mug her until I…I…I saw blood. She screamed. She screamed so loud. He was biting her. I took my purse and began beating him, trying to get him off her…everything was flying out of my purse and then I tried to pull him away with my hands. He turned on me and – his face…” Candice blanched for the second time and Faye was almost certain the poor girl was going to be ill but somehow she’d managed to fight it down yet again.

“His face was covered in blood and his teeth, they sank into my arm, I felt them pierce me through the coat and my body…I burned like someone had doused me in petrol and lit me ablaze. I couldn’t move, couldn’t think. It all happened in a matter of seconds but he let me go like it hurt him just as much as it hurt me. Then there was a smile on his face, he touched his lips and spoke. His voice didn’t sound…natural.”

“What did he say?” Faye had to resist the urge to pounce on her for the information.

“He said, ‘Candice, my beauty. You’re time will come soon’. And then…” This time Candice broke in her words but did not continue, instead it appeared as if they were stuck in her throat and refused to force their way through. There was fear in her eyes now, but not from what she’d seen or experienced, instead it was more so of what it was she had yet to say.

“Candice – I need you to tell me everything. As crazy or unusual as it may sound, it’s my job to know all the details. I can’t catch him if you don’t help me.”

“He…changed.” Her voice was so soft Faye almost had to strain to hear it.

“What? Like his coat? Or was he wearing a wig? Perhaps a fake mustache?” Faye offered trying to coax more details from her. At this Candice simply shook her head of matted blonde hair and took three rapid breaths before blurting it all out.

“He changed into an animal – like a wolf. But huge. Then he finished with Saadia and ran away…I…I must have passed out. I don’t remember what happened. But when I woke up I was alone and Officer Stojanovski was shouting into his radio…I don’t remember anything else.” Candice buried her face in her hands and began to rock again. Although Faye wanted to push for more, she knew the girl had reached her breaking point and there wouldn’t be much more information they’d be able to get at this point. She needed rest, she needed medical attention and then in 12 hours time Faye would go for a second round of questioning. She’d obviously been under a great deal of stress and trauma and so her mind had confused fact with fiction.

His tracks had started as two and then changed to four

Faye closed her eyes and pressed her fingertips to them as if to push the thought from her mind. A man changing into a wolf – it was absurd.

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Bishop   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Tue Jul 22, 2008 5:30 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I can tell where the story is going, the detective will probably become the hunted, but thats just what makes it action/adventure. You did keep me hooked, on a stable level, I wasn't completely into it because you could have done better, but you did keep your level head, giving each character a personality and not mixing them so that the reader comes confused. Keep writing more, and pm me when you do, ill become one of your readers, and vice versa, I'm already done with a novel, already waiting to get it published and i'll let you read it once I post it on here.

There were some run on sentences but not too many, a minor flaw.
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Sorsha2   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Tue Jul 22, 2008 5:55 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hey Bishop,

Thanks for the comment.

Actually, the Detective doesn't really become the 'hunted', at least - not necessarily in the context I think you mean and not for very long. As a surprise twist she will soon find herself in the role of an ally.

I would love to read your stuff, definately be sure to let me know when its up Smile
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PostPosted: Tue Jul 22, 2008 6:19 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

No problem. The only thing I see that would completely make it more interesting, is if there is the detective finding out less information to begin with, but thats just my opinion. The story is great, and deserves no bad comments at all, The detective seems a little flabergasted at the fact the girl said the murderer transformed into a wolf, and an abnormally sized wolf, I could not really picture what size the wolf could have been, because there was no real scale, but that is the mystery part, I am sure more will come later so I'm not asking you to change anything. Be sure to pm me when you add more, I will read instantly.
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PostPosted: Fri Oct 03, 2008 11:13 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Here I am, Sorsha, for chapter two! Wink

Quote:
“Yes Commander.” Kyle answered with a tip of his mug in salute. “We were just discussing a few details before turning in for the day.”


Should be a comma after "yes"

This is the only thing I found wrong with this chapter.

Other than that, I found this to be really good. I think I liked this chapter so much is because I love crime fiction. I watch CSI like 24 hours a day Wink but anyway...I would love to know more about this Perp and the guy whose a vampire/werewolf. Also, I would try to go into more detail about Candice's emtions at this point. What is her face doing? What is her eyes doing? Stuff like that to make it more realistic along with the dialogue. Remember, with dialogue, you need to use commas instead of periods before tags. LIke so:

"Berry, I need the water," the woman cried out in urgency.

"All right, all right, hold your horses, lady," Berry grumbled, marching from his room.


You see the commas and the lowercase lettering on "the" Remember to do that with all dialogue.

Otherwise, this was very enjoyable! Very Happy

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Sorsha2   View This User's Portfolio
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Reviews: 33

300 Points

PostPosted: Mon Oct 06, 2008 1:28 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hey Ashleylee

Thanks for the wonderful review Smile

I am sooooo glad that you are enjoying the chapters. I will make the necessary changes to this chapter (although I tend to make the updates on my hardcopy rather then here).

I love crime fiction too, but I was a little scared because this is the first time where I've written about cops and the whole investigation process so its slowed my writing a bit because I am doing so much bloody research Razz hahaha but I guess its been well worth it thus far.


Quote:
Remember, with dialogue, you need to use commas instead of periods before tags. LIke so:

"Berry, I need the water," the woman cried out in urgency.



Thanks for the pointer because I actually did not know this. I always thought you only used the comma at the end if the scentence/dialogue were continuing. For example.

"Very funny. I suppose," she said while placing a hand to her thundering heart, "that you thought scaring the crap out of me...blah blah blah.

So thanks for the pointer Smile
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