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This thread was created on July 15, 2008
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A letter to my beloved-I did not die
Topic ID: 33109
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dacoozed
Novice
Gender: 
Age: 15
Joined: 03 Jul 2008
Posts: 10
Reviews: 5
Country: Some where on planet Earth... I think
300 Points
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 Posted: Tue Jul 15, 2008 3:30 pm Post subject: A letter to my beloved-I did not die |
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Now that I'm gone, please don't forget me
Don't cry for me
For I did not die
I am up in the sky
Watching over you
Is what I now do
I am in your dreams at night
Holding you tight
When you walk, I walk besides you
When you talk, I listen to you
For I did not die
I am the moon that lights up the sky
I keep you save, even when you think you are alone
I am now the oceans dome
When you look up above
I am that grey dove
Flying over you
Flying around you
When you ask why
Remember I did not die
I am in your heart
By your side
I am now your guide
For I did not die
I am up in the sky |
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Last edited by dacoozed on Wed Jul 16, 2008 11:56 am; edited 1 time in total |
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Writing for love is a pas
Novelist
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Age: 14
Joined: 02 Apr 2008
Posts: 254
Reviews: 79
Country: none ya (US)
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| Posted: Tue Jul 15, 2008 3:43 pm Post subject: |
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Awwwww! That is so sweet. I'm sure he would be proud. This is an awesome poem.
Keep writing.
_WFL_ |
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Why have a heart if a heart can be broken. Thats the one thing that can never be bought again. |
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mizz-iceberg
Speaker of the Forum
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Joined: 14 Apr 2007
Posts: 525
Reviews: 214
Country: Canada
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| Posted: Wed Jul 16, 2008 6:24 am Post subject: Re: A letter to my beloved-I did not die |
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I can see this comes from the heart. Yes I agree this is a sweet poem.
The Nitpicks:
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For i did not die
I am the moon that lights up the sky
I keep you save, Even when you think you are alone
I am now the oceans dome |
-I needs to be capitalized
-The 'E' in 'even' shouldn't be capitalized.
It's a nice poem but it can be even better. Good base but you need to develop more on the ideas. Give this poem more flesh. It was slightly too factual. We need more emotions in this. I hope you understand what I mean.
All in all it's a nice poem but it can be better.
-Mizz |
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bunnie_i_am
Junior Writer
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Age: 15
Joined: 19 Jun 2008
Posts: 45
Reviews: 15
300 Points
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| Posted: Wed Jul 23, 2008 4:37 pm Post subject: |
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that is SO good! I love it! I have friends whose grandpa died, and she felt sooooooo, ummm calm? no relived after reading that!!
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I am in your dreams at night
Holding you tight
When you walk, I walk besides you
When you talk, I listen to you |
This is my favorite part!!!!
Keep writing, good luck and thanks for the read! |
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I write for the same reason I breath, I'd die if I didn't.
Bunnie the Fishie |
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| This thread was created on July 15, 2008 |
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