Stop The Scrolling Header | Enable the Scrolling Header

Firefox 3

News:  

NaNoWriMo

YWS Birthday Smash!
Username:    Password:      Log me on automatically each visit    
Your pain
Your pain

by Moonglowe in Other Poetry
Young Writers Society Forum Index » Romantic Fiction

This thread was created on July 5, 2008
Post new topic   Reply to topic
Digg It Del.icio.us

Related Items
Possible Related Items Follow:
Poisoned Roses--Prologue
Poisoned Roses--Chapter 1
Poisoned Roses--Chapter 2
Poisoned Roses--Chapter 3
Poisoned Roses--Chapter 4
Poisoned Roses--Chapter 5
Poisoned Roses--Chapter 6
Poisoned Roses--Chapter 7
Poisoned Roses--Chapter 9
Poisoned Roses--Chapter 10
Poisoned Roses--Chapter 11
Poisoned Roses--Chapter 12
Poisoned Roses--Chapter 13
Poisoned Roses--Chapter 14
Poisoned Roses--Chapter 15
Poisoned Roses--Chapter 16
Poisoned Roses--Chapter 17
Poisoned Roses--Chapter 18

Poisoned Roses--Chapter 8 Goto page 1, 2  Next

Topic ID: 32601
View previous topic :: View next topic  
Author Message
ashleylee   View This User's Portfolio
Let's make beautiful music together
Master of the Forum

667
Gender: Gender:Female
Age: 16
Joined: 13 Mar 2008
Posts: 1175
Reviews: 667
Country: some place that I can only dream about
300 Points

PostPosted: Sat Jul 05, 2008 4:17 pm    Post subject: Poisoned Roses--Chapter 8 Reply with quote

Well, here is the next chapter.

Hopefully you enjoy it Wink

Happy Reading!

**Edited as of Sept. 21**

________________________________

CHAPTER EIGHT

I wake up late on Saturday to find that Carmen and the others have left for the mall without me. Nora tries to explain their absence to me but I won’t listen. I have looked forward to this time with the gang, away from humans, just spending time with my Coven brothers. It would be a relief, an escape from my sleepless night of pain with Isaac haunting my every move, his blood drifting tantalizingly across my nose.

It seems that they had other plans, though.

“Forget it, Nora!” I shout, throwing on an old tee shirt and jeans before sweeping out of the room.

Nora ensues, her feet pounding on the floor. “Sophia, please! Carmen said that you would be angry with him about…something!”

“Well I wonder why!” I screech, nearing hysteria.

“If this is about me and him—“

“Yes, Nora! It is!”

“Well don’t be mad at me too! I just tagged along for the ride,” she glowers.

I sigh, glancing at Nora, knowing full well that I will never be able to stay mad at her for long. “Nora, I have to go.” Hurrying for the lower levels, I leave her in my wake. I can hear Nora’s labored breathing as she stands at the top, choosing not to follow.

Downstairs, I don’t stop for breakfast. I can smell the rusty scent of a horde of rabbits barely alive. My canines push against my lower lip but I fight the urge to drink. I have to escape this house.

Outside, I break into a run until I reach the shores of Lake Michigan. There I sit, curling my knees to my chest. The crisp morning air blows through the strands of my hair, seeking my scalp, cooling the skin there. It ruffles the over-sized tee clothed on my body and my jeans form to my curves as I lay on my back, breathing in all the scents of the forest.

I can detect a mouse family, shivering in their burrow beneath the earth. I can smell the sweet nectar of the pines, their sticky oil leaking down the bark. And then a new scent reaches my nose—strong, intense, mixed with adrenaline.

A vampire.

I jump to my feet in one swift movement before a fast-moving object hits me hard. I tumble to the earth, the object with me. I spot a head full of blonde hair before we start to roll down the hill, towards the lake.

“Carmen!” I screech, struggling to untangle myself from him. His arms are like iron bands around my body and I can’t pull free. I feel the rumble of a chuckle deep in his chest and I kick out, hoping to catch him by surprise as we drift even closer to the icy waters.

Finally, when we are close enough to reach out and touch the ice, Carmen releases me. I dig my nails into the earth, halting the rolling as Carmen stands above me watching me closely. When I have enough dignity to look him in the face I see that a smile is spreading across his face, making his eyes sparkle.

“What do you want?” I growl, stumbling to my feet. Grass stains sprout on my knees and the front of my tee shirt along with patches of wet from the snow. I brush at them with my hand but it does no good.

“Why were you mad at Nora?” he abruptly asks, his smile dying on his face.

“How do you know I was mad at Nora?” I ask suspiciously.

“Sophia, we are to be Bonded in less than three months. Her feelings are already becoming more of my own. I could feel the confusion coming off of her when you guys talked. Plus, you are our Uniter. I can almost feel your feelings just as acutely as Nora’s.”

“Where were you when this was happening?”

“In the car outside.”

“So you lied to Nora?”

“No. I was ready to leave but then I felt the confusion from her and knew I couldn’t leave with you being so angry,” he explains, and I roll my eyes, pushing past him. “So why were you mad?”

“Figure it out,” I grumble, stomping up the small embankment.

“Because she was in the car with us?” Carmen asks in exasperation.

“Just forget it, Carmen. You don’t understand.”

“Well explain it to me!”

“Forget it.” I wave a hand at him, clearly irritated.

“How did you get home last night?” he wonders suddenly, his eyes boring into mine as he yanks me around to face him. I feel his icy breath on my cheek and shudder. “Tell me!” he demands, shaking me slightly.

“I got a ride,” I whisper.

“With who?” he asks through clenched teeth. He sees my awkwardness and freezes. “You were with Pretty-Boy, weren’t you?”

“Isaac,” I correct with a snarl, yanking my arm out of his grip.

Carmen’s whole demeanor changes—his shoulders’ hunch and his eyes transform to a steely black. “So I guessed right. There is something going on between you and him.”

“No!” I shout, my voice reverberating off of the local trees.

“Then why did you get a ride with him?”

“Because he offered. And you weren’t coming to pick me up, so I accepted.”

“But you didn’t come home right after school.” His voice is accusing.

“No, I didn’t,” I say simply.

“So you think that you can hang out with humans alone now, huh? After what happened last time…” he trails off, his words taking on the form of a slap.

“You have no idea what could have happened last night,” I glower, clenching my molars together to force calm into my voice.

“No, I don’t. Enlighten me,” he grins mockingly, canines long.

My body slacks, my knees tremble, and I collapse into the snow. “I could have killed him, Carmen. I could have killed him.”

“What are you talking about?” His voice betrays his anxiety, trembling as he speaks.

“I could have killed him!” I scream, bounding away before Carmen can react.

* * * *

The rest of the weekend, I spend it in the solitary confinement of my room via my choice. Nora is the only one allowed inside and that is only to sleep. Otherwise, whenever I hear footsteps, I snarl with a ferocity that sends the other vampires scurrying away.

I count the hours by the alignment of the sun and moon with the earth, gazing out my window during all the hours of the day and night. Sleep is eluding me no matter how my eyelids droop or my body strength weakens; I fear I will drop into unconsciousness.

I still can’t get over the fact that I almost lost control. I had thought I was strong enough now. I have trained myself after the last incident to stand strong against the humans’ scents. Maybe it was just the closeness of Isaac to me, or the unexpected-ness of it all. I just can’t face the fact that it was all me…my weakness. Maybe Carmen is right. My Birth Mother must have passed the weakness gene onto me and I will forever have to exile myself away from humans.

On the eve of Monday morning, Nora enters with a small pheasant clutched in her hands. The smell of blood is strong and I snatch it from her before I can stop myself. Nora laughs at my eagerness, and I smile apologetically at her. I open my mouth to feed but halt. Looking up at Nora as she straightens the bed sheets on her mattress, I open my mouth to speak. “Nora,” I begin, and she glances up, her look puzzled. “I’m sorry about all the hassle I’ve made.”

Nora shrugs, sitting at the foot of my bed. “Philip is worried about you.”

“Isn’t he always.” I roll my eyes, and Nora smiles.

“True, but so is Carmen.” Her voice grows stern.

“Good. Let him worry,” I growl, sinking my canines into the pheasant.

“Sophia, you know the rules about Human Interaction. If you break another rule, I fear that—“ but I cut her off with a deadly glare. Nora waits until I am done feeding, taking the pheasant away while I talk.

“I know the rules, Nora. I wasn’t born yesterday.”

“Just about,” she teases.

“All right, I think forty years as a vampire is a indication that I am no longer a Newborn.”

“Sophia, you have to be at least one hundred until that title goes away.” She smiles tenderly at me when I snort in disgust. “But again, you know the rules,” she continues to remind me.

“I know, I know,” I murmur. “Nothing is happening between us.”

“That’s not what Carmen told me.”

“What did he say?” I raise an eyebrow.

“That the way that boy looks at you…” she trails off, cautioning me with her eyes. “Like you are his Blood Mate.”

“What? T-That’s crazy!” I fumble for words but a lighter-than-air feeling is seeping into my gut. I have known Isaac for what, five days? That isn’t possible to feel that way about someone…is it?

Nora sadly shakes her head. “Sophia, don’t do this,” she urges. “He’s not our kind.”

“I know that!” I glare. “Nothing is happening. We are just—“ I stop. What are we? Friends?

Nora smiles softly. “Just what?”

“Friends,” I say firmly.

“All right,” Nora drawls, and I push her. She falters, grabbing for the bedpost. We both crack smiles and she pushes me back. I laugh when I smell another enter. Both of our eyes snap upwards and I snarl.

Carmen fills the doorway with his muscled frame. He and Nora exchange a tender moment and I glance down awkwardly. [I]Will there never be a moment like this between me and another? Or will I always be the outsider, the rule-breaker?[/b] I hear Carmen approach me, and my head snaps back upwards, breaking off that line of thought. “I’m guessing you heard the conversation,” I mumble, glaring into his eyes.

“Most of it,” he nods.

“And?”

“And what?”

“Do you believe me?” I question, picking absently at a loose thread in the quilt.

“No,” he answers truthfully.

Rage fills me with a hot, steaming fluid and I feel my eyes darken dangerously. “Nothing is going to happen.”

“I don’t believe you, Sophia.”

“Why not? I tell the truth!”

“Because I saw the way he looked at you.”

“Who cares how he looked at me! I am my own person and I make my own decisions.” I leap to my feet, struggling to get the point across. “He is a insignificant human! What can he do to me?” Carmen doesn’t answer; he only shakes his head.

I grumble in frustration, storming from the room without a backward glance.


_________________
-Fill your paper with the breathings of your heart-
~William Wordsworth


Last edited by ashleylee on Sun Sep 21, 2008 4:57 pm; edited 2 times in total
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message MSN Messenger
dommy65   View This User's Portfolio
Senior Writer

57
Gender: Gender:Female
Age: 15
Joined: 18 May 2008
Posts: 137
Reviews: 57
Country: USA
300 Points

PostPosted: Sat Jul 05, 2008 6:13 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hey, Ashley!

Okay so I really liked this chapter. Great description, and you really showed how close each of the characters are to each other.

Quote:
The rest of the weekend, I spend it in the solitary confinement of my room.


this is the only line that didn't really work for me. I think maybe it should be:

The rest of the weekend, I spend in the solitary....

Maybe you should take out the word it? Or maybe not, you're the author, haha.

It's such a great story I can't wait for more! Very Happy

~Dommy

_________________
I said your eyes, they say nothing
So you can't stop me
On summer days like these
I said words they mean nothing
So you can't hurt me
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
ashleylee   View This User's Portfolio
Let's make beautiful music together
Master of the Forum

667
Gender: Gender:Female
Age: 16
Joined: 13 Mar 2008
Posts: 1175
Reviews: 667
Country: some place that I can only dream about
300 Points

PostPosted: Sat Jul 05, 2008 8:37 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dommy65:

Thank you SO much Very Happy

I'm glad you like it!

_________________
-Fill your paper with the breathings of your heart-
~William Wordsworth
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message MSN Messenger
Night Mistress   View This User's Portfolio
a lover of vampires
Speaker of the Forum

196
Gender: Gender:Female
Age: 18
Joined: 09 Apr 2007
Posts: 793
Reviews: 196
Country: USA
635 Points

PostPosted: Sat Jul 05, 2008 9:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wow!

I am still knida of sore on Carmen 's and Nora's relationship.

Something bad is going to happen to Sohpia. I can feelt it, and then Carmen and Nora will stop being friends with her and make her all lonely.

I have a really bad feeling about Issac's and Sophia's realationship.

anyways., you didn't pm me. PM me next time you post the next chapter.

_________________
"you are a Friend. nothing more, nothing less,"

Elizabeth Gray of Poison Love.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website AIM Address
ashleylee   View This User's Portfolio
Let's make beautiful music together
Master of the Forum

667
Gender: Gender:Female
Age: 16
Joined: 13 Mar 2008
Posts: 1175
Reviews: 667
Country: some place that I can only dream about
300 Points

PostPosted: Sat Jul 05, 2008 9:53 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Night Mistress:

Omgosh...I'm SO sorry! I totally forgot to PM A LOT of people...you have to know me. I am like the most forgetful people you will EVER meet in your entire life! Confused

But I will PM you next time. I PROMISE! Wink

Well, I'm glad you liked it.

And hey, when are you posting your chapter for your story?? You still have to PM me about that one! Very Happy

_________________
-Fill your paper with the breathings of your heart-
~William Wordsworth
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message MSN Messenger
omsvmars22   View This User's Portfolio
Writer

39
Gender: Gender:Female
Age: 15
Joined: 01 Jul 2008
Posts: 53
Reviews: 39
Country: America for three more years then it's "Hello Oxford!"
300 Points

PostPosted: Sat Jul 05, 2008 10:06 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yay! The eight chapter! Your writing was good as always and your plot line is as addicting as ever.

Just a few things...

Quote:
“Well don’t be mad at me too! I just tagged along for the ride,” she glowers.


I'm a little confused about this line...what is she tagging along on? Maybe some more information or a rewrite would help? Confused

Quote:
The crisp morning air blows through the strands of my hair, seeking my scalp, cooling the skin there.


This is beautiful writing! I can picture it perfectly and I can almost feel it myself! Smile

Quote:
“Isn’t he always.” I roll my eyes, and Nora smiles.


Shouldn't this be a question?

Quote:
“That the way that boy looks at you…” she trails off, cautioning me with her eyes. “Like you are his Blood Mate.”

“What? T-That’s crazy!” I fumble for words, but a lighter-than-air feeling is seeping into my gut.


Yay! This makes me happy but I know that it is probably going to end badly... Crying or Very sad

Okay so other then the very few things I pointed out, I love it! I like that you have Carmen more protective in this one, it feels more right. Laughing
I can't wait to find out what happens! Hurry to write more! Very Happy

_________________
It's not the face, but the expressions on it. It's not the voice, but what you say. It's not how you look in the body, but the things you do with it. You are beautiful.-------Ian O'Shea
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
endless_secrets   View This User's Portfolio
Junior Writer

20
Gender: Gender:Female
Age: 16
Joined: 03 Jun 2008
Posts: 39
Reviews: 20
Country: Canada
300 Points

PostPosted: Sat Jul 05, 2008 10:54 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

WOW! That was a great chapter, very intricate use of description yet again, you have a gift! Keep writing you've got me hooked. I also have a bad feeling, like everything is going to get a lot more complicated, Carmen is going to do something drastic I think and maybe make Nora angry at him, I don't know, but I want to know! Very well done Ashleylee.
Keep PMing me!

_________________
Always and forever an endless secret...
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message MSN Messenger
soconfused4512   View This User's Portfolio
Writer

31
Gender: Gender:Female
Age: 16
Joined: 02 Apr 2008
Posts: 78
Reviews: 31

365 Points

PostPosted: Sun Jul 06, 2008 3:47 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Okay i am confused in the last chapter u said that carmen called sophia and told her to ride with "pretty-boy" yet he gets mad about it ? im confused

_________________
[><] Shawn D. Bolding & Paula W. Brock [><]
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
ashleylee   View This User's Portfolio
Let's make beautiful music together
Master of the Forum

667
Gender: Gender:Female
Age: 16
Joined: 13 Mar 2008
Posts: 1175
Reviews: 667
Country: some place that I can only dream about
300 Points

PostPosted: Sun Jul 06, 2008 1:29 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

omsvmars22 & endless_secrets:

Thank you both SO much. It really helped me A LOT! Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy

You guys are AWESOME!

soconfused4512 :

I know. I bet you read the "unedited" version. I had just changed it so she goes against Carmen's will and takes a ride with Isaac. If you read it again, I think it will make more sense.

Sorry about that. Confused I will make it more noticiable that it is the "edited" version!

Hope this clears things up...

_________________
-Fill your paper with the breathings of your heart-
~William Wordsworth
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message MSN Messenger
Writing for love is a pas   View This User's Portfolio
Novelist

79
Gender: Gender:Female
Age: 14
Joined: 02 Apr 2008
Posts: 254
Reviews: 79
Country: none ya (US)
300 Points

PostPosted: Sun Jul 06, 2008 8:08 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

whoa. Keep writing please. You could make this into a novel and get It published. It's awesome!

_________________
Why have a heart if a heart can be broken. Thats the one thing that can never be bought again.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Abocreature   View This User's Portfolio
Junior Writer

17
Gender: Gender:Male
Age: 13
Joined: 10 Jun 2008
Posts: 48
Reviews: 17
Country: US
300 Points

PostPosted: Sun Jul 06, 2008 8:35 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Excellent chapter as always! ^^
This is all so exciting! I can't wait until the next chapter! Keep up the good work! ^^
As always, I love they way you portray emotion, it really makes it feel like you're actually there and feeling those things! ^^
I wish I could write like you; you're really talented! ^^

_________________
You think I'm insane?
You might be correct...
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message AIM Address MSN Messenger
ashleylee   View This User's Portfolio
Let's make beautiful music together
Master of the Forum

667
Gender: Gender:Female
Age: 16
Joined: 13 Mar 2008
Posts: 1175
Reviews: 667
Country: some place that I can only dream about
300 Points

PostPosted: Mon Jul 07, 2008 4:18 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Writing for love is a pas & Abocreature:

WOW!

You guys are so great! Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy

You make my day!!!!

_________________
-Fill your paper with the breathings of your heart-
~William Wordsworth
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message MSN Messenger
Alarainya   View This User's Portfolio
Junior Writer

18
Gender: Gender:Female
Age: 15
Joined: 16 Jun 2008
Posts: 35
Reviews: 18
Country: U.S
300 Points

PostPosted: Tue Jul 15, 2008 5:59 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I liked this chapter a lot, but I think its weird that she gets so angry at Nora. Other than that I really liked this chapter, it was very good. Make a new chapter soon, I want to know what happens!

_________________
I'm a special lover sometimes but you only touch a ghost, I'm a sycophantic courtier wit an elegant repost, Needless to say you're the one I need the most, Cause the only one I come undone for is you.- some lines from Come Undone by Vannessa Carlton
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
ashleylee   View This User's Portfolio
Let's make beautiful music together
Master of the Forum

667
Gender: Gender:Female
Age: 16
Joined: 13 Mar 2008
Posts: 1175
Reviews: 667
Country: some place that I can only dream about
300 Points

PostPosted: Wed Jul 16, 2008 1:08 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Alarainya:

I promise to be posting soon! Wink

Thanks for reading!

_________________
-Fill your paper with the breathings of your heart-
~William Wordsworth
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message MSN Messenger
Merry_Haven   View This User's Portfolio
I think I can. I think I can.--I know I can.
Novelist

124
Gender: Gender:Female
Age: 18
Joined: 25 Jul 2008
Posts: 269
Reviews: 124
Country: slowly drifting off to dreamland...
300 Points

PostPosted: Thu Aug 21, 2008 10:41 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ashley-
I can't believe that Sophia got 'solitary confinement' in her room for the weekend. Yet there was a purpose behind that. But seriously why?!
Is Sophia ever going to feel non-angry when Carmen speaks to her when it's about Issac? I guess I'll have to read on then...
Nothing much, well off to chapter nine.
-Merry
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Yahoo Messenger MSN Messenger
Display posts from previous:   
This thread was created on July 5, 2008
Post new topic   Reply to topic
   Young Writers Society Forum Index » Romantic Fiction All times are GMT
Goto page 1, 2  Next
Page 1 of 2

 
Jump to:  
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum
You can attach files in this forum
You can download files in this forum
This thread was created on July 5, 2008

Graphics By Bobo | YWS Sword & Shield Logo by Bobo
Bartemius says, Lots of times you have to pretend to join a parade in which you're not really interested in order to get where you're going. - Christopher Darlington Morley
Contact | Memberlist | Copyright Policy | YWS Store | Site Map
Facebook |  Goodreads |  Live Journal |  MySpace |  Wikipedia

© 2004 - 2008 The Young Writers Society