I love my sister and all, I mean she’s the one who dragged me to this performance in the first place, but can’t she take a hint? Let’s be honest here and I’ll tell you a little secret to keep between you and me; I hate musicals, and my bladder isn’t helping the matter.

I have to piss. Everyone around me is pissing me off. That makes me need to pee even more, and I know for a fact my squirming around is making everyone extremely uncomfortable. There is only one thing to do, and that is to get up from my seat. I shall use the bathroom with dignity, and not let anyone stop me from doing so.

“Excuse me!” I squeeze my way between each seat and person as if I was the bologna and each chair and person opposite from it were the whole wheat non-fat bread high in fiber and vitamins.

Freedom at last! I scream like no one’s watching…in my mind. I head for the first available bathroom only to find a line reaching from the restroom door to La -La Land.

“Damnit!” I utter the one and only word suitable for such a situation under my breath, and suddenly feel slightly relaxed…and warm. Now I know I can’t hold it any longer!

However, I must wait; it’s the only way to separate this poison sloshing inside me from my bladder.

I take a step forward, as another woman exits the bathroom; one stall closer, but wait, what is that smell?

I gag and gurgle as my bladder yells for help. At this time I feel absolutely noxious and it is time for plan B.

I spot another bathroom a few feet away, and there is no line. However, it just happens to be the men’s restroom, but at this time I’d pee right where I’m standing. For now I am going to have to settle for the men’s restroom.

I sprint to the door leading in and swing open the nearest stall door without taking notice to the men staring at me in astonishment.

“Ahhhh” I sigh in relief as my bladder is emptied into the toilet at ease.

Feeling like a new woman I exit the stall and walk up to a sink to wash my hands. I check myself out in the mirror and then apply a fresh coat of Razzle-Dazzle Berrylicious lip gloss.

“Put your hands up!”

“What the hell?” I exclaim.

“You are not supposed to be in here young lady!”

“Are you gonna’ arrest me or something?”

“I have to sweat-cheeks. It’s the law”

I hold my breath and try not to laugh, but I burst out into tears I begin laughing uncontrollably. It’s like taking a piss all over again, but out of my mouth.

“Handcuffs? What are you going to do with those?”

The police office smirks maniacally and attaches the handcuffs to my wrists.

I am in deep shit...really, I have to take a crap!