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The Running Away Song
The Running Away Song

by Clo in Dramatic Poetry
Young Writers Society Forum Index » Fanfiction

This thread was created on July 9, 2008
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Love and Murder in Mitadake Chapter 1
Love and Murder in Mitadake Chapter 2
Love and Murder in Mitadake Chapter 3

Love and Murder in Mitadake Chapter 4

Topic ID: 32814
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Abocreature   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Wed Jul 09, 2008 9:31 pm    Post subject: Love and Murder in Mitadake Chapter 4 Reply with quote

I thought I might submit this now while I'm working on the my other story. Hope you enjoy it! ^^

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Chapter 4

I reached for my knife, but it was too late. The axe came down and struck me dead in between the shoulder and neck. I screamed at the pain. As he swung at my head, I was able to duck just enough so it grazed my hair. Suki screamed and caught me as Tom kicked me down.

I heard a thud, and saw Tom on the ground, from Matt pushing him. “Don’t kill him, damnit! It’s not his fault!” He looked at me, in Suki’s arms “Is it?”

Suki looked back at him “Of course it isn’t! She’s our friend! We would never try to hurt her!” Tears built up in her eyes as the blood in my shoulder started to spread. I was losing consciousness. The lights were spinning. I was getting dizzy and light-headed. I looked up and I saw Suki’s face, it was a pleasant sight as I closed my eyes, unconscious.

I woke up on the floor of the basement, Suki hugging me, her head next to mine as she slept. I just laid there, hugging her, enjoying the moment. The feeling of her heartbeat was gentle, comfortable, assuring. Her breath on my face was warm, inviting. It was moments like these that I loved her the most. I smiled sweetly and closed my eyes back to sleep.

I fluttered my eyes open to see Suki’s beautiful face looking back at me. “Hey there, Hun.” she said with a smile “How’s your shoulder feeling?”

I smiled at her “It hurts a little, but that’s to be expected. Right, sweetheart?”

“Right, me and Matt wrapped up your wounds. Tom just needs to calm down a bit before we leave.” She bent forward and kissed me “I love you so much.”

“I love you, too”

“I see you finally told each other your true feelings, Suki and Jin” Matt said with a smirk, sitting in a chair with a paper and pencil on a desk in front of him.

I sat up with surprising energy “You knew all along, didn‘t you?”

He chuckled “Hey, I promised both of you that I wouldn’t tell. So, I didn’t. Besides, it’s probably better to tell each other yourself. Oh, and while you two love birds were sleeping over there, I wrote down all of the clues. But, I still need Jin’s findings.”

I looked at him “It seems that whenever these two children stop singing, someone goes insane” I slapped my head “Why didn’t I think of this before? Those two children obviously did something to contribute to this murder. Or they did all of it.”

Matt looked back at me “Yea… yea, that makes sense. You know what, we should go to the security room and check out the tapes to see just what exactly happened .”

Suki came around to my face, smiling “What do you think, love? Are you up for another walk?”

I smiled back “As long as I’m with you.” I kissed her and got up. “Let’s go” I said.

So we began walking. Our usual positions, Matt up front, me and Suki holding hands behind him. Matt suddenly stopped and said “Do… do you believe that mind control is possible?”

I thought for a moment “I suppose it’s possible.”

“I-I think that those two kids are… well… controlling these people’s minds. I mean, love is what saved you two. But I’m afraid Mina is a different story. I’m afraid that my sister won’t be able to survive”

“Matt, I’m starting to think the same thing. But don’t worry, we’ll save Mina somehow”

We walked in front of the security room. Matt tugged on the door “Uh-oh…”

We looked at him nervously and Suki said “What’s wrong?”

He turned around “The door’s locked. And we need a code number to get in.”

Me and Suki looked at each other for a moment, then I turned back to Matt “Well, what are

we going to do n-”

“Come with me” A women with a strangely red colored hair said, walking up to us. It was Mina.

I put my hand in my pocket, gripping my knife “Back off, Mina. We don’t want anymore trouble.”

She stared at me in the eyes “Please, Jin. I only have a little bit of time of my own will. Just follow me, I know another way around.”

I could tell Matt was confused, but a gave him a look that said “I’ll explain later, let’s go now”.

So we went, off to wherever Mina was taking us. She occasionally looked back at us for a brief moment, then turned back around. We walked in front of a doorway. Mina turned around “It’s right through here, follow the vents and you’ll get right into the security room. Please, you go first”. I suspiciously walked inside with Suki and Matt. All of a sudden, the door shut behind us. “I’m sorry, guys” Mina said, taking out an axe. “But this had to be done, the master required it.”

Me and Matt quickly took out our knives “Get behind me, Suki” I said as me and Matt got ready for the attack. “Mina, who is your master?” I asked.

She laughed insanely and charged at me. She brought her axe up over her head. As it came down, my knife went up in the air and weakly stopped Mina’s axe from slicing me. Sparks flew through the air “Matt, a little help would be nice!” I screamed at him.

“B-but… I can’t kill my own sister!”

I kicked her off of me, then we parried weapons again “She’s not your sister anymore! Those two kids have taken complete control of her! Your sister is dead!”

Suddenly he got very angry, and his pupils turned a shade of blood red. He tightened his grip on the knife and ran at Mina, full force. He jumped and tackled her to the ground. He took the knife, and plunged it into her chest, again and again, he gave her no mercy. As he calmed down his hands were covered in blood. He sat back and looked at his hands with fear and sadness, he began to cry saying “W-what have I done? I have killed my own sister, that’s what I did!” He reached over and took the knife out of her chest.

“Matt!” I said “Don’t kill yourself! You have so much to live for! It’s not your fault! That isn’t your sister!” But no matter what me and Suki said to him, he wouldn’t listen. Instead he took the knife, and slit his own throat. He fell to the ground with a pool of blood.

Suki shrieked and I hugged her tightly. I held her closely, I could tell that this night wouldn’t end well.


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Hands05   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Fri Jul 11, 2008 9:57 pm    Post subject: Re: Love and Murder in Mitadake Chapter 4 Reply with quote

Another great chapter, things are really getting intense!(And you also helped me out in Mitadake High on BYOND by letting me know how to get to the security room) I'm really getting more interested in what's going to happen next! Two thumbs up! Smile.

Abocreature wrote:
I could tell Matt was confused, but a gave him a look that said “I’ll explain later, let’s go now”.


"but a" should be "but I".
Instead of writing "gave him a look that said" it should be "gave him a look and said".

Abocreature wrote:
So we went, off to wherever Mina was taking us. She occasionally looked back at us for a brief moment, then turned back around. We walked in front of a doorway. Mina turned around “It’s right through here, follow the vents and you’ll get right into the security room. Please, you go first”. I suspiciously walked inside with Suki and Matt. All of a sudden, the door shut behind us. “I’m sorry, guys” Mina said, taking out an axe. “But this had to be done, the master required it.”


There shouldn't be a comma in the first sentence.

Those were your only errors, thanks for continuing this story.
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This thread was created on July 9, 2008

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