Topic ID: 32041
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hobbes
Writer
Gender: 
Age: 13
Joined: 22 Jun 2008
Posts: 54
Reviews: 60
Country: i can not say that.It would comprimise our agents in the field
314 Points
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 Posted: Mon Jun 23, 2008 11:00 pm Post subject: Blackbeards tale |
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all gather close,
all gather near!
I have a great story
I want you to hear!
The tale is of Blackbeard
a mighty pirate was he
the story begins in England
time of Queen Ann's war, you see
Edward Teach
was kind and loyal
worked in the navy
and obeyed the royals
then one day
his soul went bad
his heart evil
and his mind mad.
He sailed across sea
looking for more
but he got greater
then what he bargained for.
he saw ships
crashed and stranded
"Gimmie your treasure!"
he demanded
He was known as Blackbeard!
the fierce!, the great!
scoundrels,thiefs, and cheaters
were all his mates.
he tied fuses to his beard
and set them aflame
telling his prey
this is no game.
the mayor of Ocracoke
got his best fleet
all in total,
a thousand feet.
he battled Blackbeard
for 3 long days
until Blackbeard's mind
began to haze
at last,
in the final duel
Blackbeard's life
was at the end of its spool
right before
he met his death
he spoke these words
with his final breath
" I curse ye all
far and wide!
for I'll return,
upon high tide!"
I leave you with these words
the're right and true
next time your out at sea
Blackbeard's coming after you! |
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if the silence takes you, then I hope it takes me too.
he who laughs last, has a slow mind. |
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LilSarahBreezy
Junior Writer
Gender: 
Age: 15
Joined: 19 Jun 2008
Posts: 34
Reviews: 5
Country: Wherever Chris Brown Happens To Be Right Now =]
300 Points
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| Posted: Tue Jun 24, 2008 12:36 am Post subject: |
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That was really good! I could practically hear someone talking like a pirate, reading that to me.
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in the final duel
Blackbeard's life
was at the end of its spool |
That was the only bit I had a problem with. That rhyme sounded a little too forced to me. I might just be imagining it, I've been known to do that.
I also noticed that in the third to last line, you had a little typ-o and a common error, it says "the're" and i'm assuming YOU meant "they're". But it really should say "their". I know that sounded a little jumbled, so let's just say that "the're" should become "their" 
Great job, overall!
IMPORTANT!!!-- The rules say you have to make 2 reviews before you post your own work, and I'm sorry to say that it's standard that if you break that rule, you need to make 4 reviews. It won't take that long, so hurry up and do it before some one else finds out XP |
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Be My Love And Race The Dream Together ♥♥♥ |
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gamechanger10
Excuse me while I kiss the sky.
Novelist
Gender:
Age: 13
Joined: 24 Jun 2008
Posts: 473
Reviews: 81
Country: I'll let you know as soon as I find out.
369 Points
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| Posted: Tue Jun 24, 2008 11:23 pm Post subject: |
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This was a wonderfully written piece.
Nice work!
there were a few spelling issues that LilSarahBreezy pointed out, but all in all, this was a very enjoyable poem.
KEEP WRITING!!
-me |
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"The difference between the right word and almost the right word is the difference between lightning and the lightning bug." -Mark Twain |
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clueless
Senior Writer
Gender:
Age: 14
Joined: 23 Jun 2008
Posts: 106
Reviews: 35
409 Points
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| Posted: Wed Jun 25, 2008 10:23 pm Post subject: |
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| Yay Mark!!!! Good job. that was pretty cool. Write more! |
_________________
I am, a flower quickly fading. Here today but gone tomorrow. A wave tossed in the ocean, A vapor in the wind. Still you, hear me when I'm calling. You catch me when I'm falling. You told me who I am.
I am yours. |
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Bookmarker
Novelist
Gender:
Age: 13
Joined: 26 Jun 2008
Posts: 364
Reviews: 24
Country: USA
917 Points
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| Posted: Sat Jun 28, 2008 4:02 pm Post subject: Reply |
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How much research did that take to write that poem?  WOW! That poem was so awesome that I'm almost suspecting that you stole it from a book. I'm definitely not going to say that you have potential because that's what EVERYBODY says. I'm going to say that you got skills! 
The only problem is that you spelled "you're" as "your" near the end of the poem. Also, you said "the're" instead of "they're"
Keep on writing!  |
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Never engage in a battle of wits with an unarmed person.
-Dr. Anonymous |
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Sinkingtooslow
Junior Writer
Gender:
Age: 20
Joined: 25 Jun 2008
Posts: 48
Reviews: 20
Country: The Moon
300 Points
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| Posted: Sat Jun 28, 2008 4:29 pm Post subject: |
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| This was a very fun, very entertaining poem! I love it! Very nicely done, perhaps it could use a little bit of touch ups here and there, but it seems a bit more authentic perhaps with its faults. I could really see this being a pirate story or song. Very nicely done. |
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springrain2693
Novelist
Gender:
Age: 15
Joined: 29 Jun 2008
Posts: 286
Reviews: 57
Country: USA
706 Points
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| Posted: Sun Jun 29, 2008 6:49 am Post subject: |
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| Sometimes poems that bluntly tell a story irk me, but this one interested me and kept me reading through. I dont enjoy pirates and seafaring adventures, but this I liked. Spelling errors are present, but with a simple touch itsgreat. |
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The ironic thing about life is that nobody gets out of it alive.
NaNoWriMo '08 winner; The Promise; 62,152. |
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idle muse
Novelist
Gender:
Age: 16
Joined: 08 Dec 2007
Posts: 378
Reviews: 25
Country: United Kingdom
300 Points
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| Posted: Sun Jun 29, 2008 7:07 pm Post subject: |
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I really, really liked this. It's simplicity is also it's strength.
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was at the end of its spool
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'Spool' seems to be like a desperate word to find something that rhymes with 'duel.'
That was the only bad thing I have to say. It was excellent! Keep up the good work! |
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Religion is the opium of the masses
- Karl Marx -
Democracy is the worst form of goverment, except for all the others that have been tried.
- Winston Churchill - |
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