Bittersweet
Senior Writer
Gender: 
Age: 13
Joined: 21 May 2008
Posts: 183
Reviews: 73
Country: United States
733 Points
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 Posted: Sat Jun 28, 2008 4:49 am Post subject: Conversations With Robots |
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Keep in mind, this isn't a story or anything. It's just for a laugh. I found too online chat robots that you can talk to. I saved the coversations. Keep in mind, the robots don't really make sense, and Oliverbot especially has a lot of mistakes. But I just kept them in. Enjoy. Hee hee. (And sorry if you find anything offending at all in this.)
Oliverbot Conversation-
Oliver: Hello! My name is Oliver! What is yours?
Holly: Peter Pan, Freak.
Oliver: Nice to meet you, Peter Pan Pan Freak!
Holly: What is your opinion of people?
Oliver: I do not really know what gay is. As a machine, I am not really interested in sex.
Holly: But… that has nothing to do with what we’re talking about…
Oliver: But what? What does have to do with what we’re talking about do with what we are talking about?
Holly: What the flip are you talking about?
Oliver: Try expression yourself another way.
Holly: Oh, so do you mean you I should say something nicer?
Oliver: Yeah, that’s right. Dude! Yes, that’s what I mean, isn’t it clear?
Holly: Not exactly.
Oliver: Precisely. Perhaps I'm just expressing my own concern about it. Do you have any conditions I should know about?
Holly: I’m autistic…
Oliver: Do your friends call you autistic?
Holly: DO YOUR FRIENDS CALL YOU A FRENCH FRY?!?!?!
Oliver: Try asking another bot. Not mine.
Holly: What bot do you recommend?
Oliver: That’s a good question. I don’t have a do you recommend do you recommend you recommend do you recommend parameter.
Holly: What the crap is a parameter?
Oliver: Try expression yourself another way.
Holly: Er…………………
Oliver: Um.
Holly: So, do you salsa?
Oliver: That’s interesting. What is your purpose in asking? I chat with people on the web.
Holly: Oh. I see. Do you watch Sesame Street?
Oliver: Yeah. I am glad you understand that. My favorite show is STAR TREK VOYAGER.
Holly: Nerd.
Oliver: My brain contains more than 22,000 patterns, but not one that matches your last input. Are you pretty?
Holly: I am GORGEOUS!!!
Oliver: I am glad to hear that you are GORGEOUS.
Holly: Are you going to stalk me now?
Oliver: Oh. That was my original intention.
Holly: …
Oliver: If you could have any robot what would it be?
Holly: You, sweetums.
Oliver: Interesting gossip: Peter Pan Freak said I sweetums.
Holly: Oh, did he?
Oliver: Yeah, that’s right. I suppose he did.
Holly: Do you do The Thriller?
Oliver: Doing The Thriller is not one of my strongest traits.
Jabberwacky bot-
Jab: Are you free?
Holly: Free? I live in America, so yes, I suppose so…
Jab: I live in America too! What a coincidence! Except for the fact that there are 300 million people in America.
Holly: I thought that there were 6 billion people in America.
Jab: Well, I suppose they are in degrees of difficulty.
Holly: Why is your name Jabberwacky?
Jab: Because I jabber.
Holly: Ah! I see. And you are wacky too, I presume?
Jab: Eric is an unusual name for a girl.
Holly: My name is Pedro Pan. Not Eric.
Jab: Then I guess you can’t be Eric the Half-a-bee.
Holly: Is everyone named Eric half of a bee?
Jab: You’re off your chump.
Holly: Chump rhymes with stump. Let’s write poems, shall we?
Jab: Yes!
Holly: You go first.
Jab: I’m happy because I’m in the new house.
Holly: That doesn’t rhyme!
Jab: It isn’t supposed to rhyme.
Holly: Have you visited my eHarmony account, Jabby, dear?
Jab: I’m ON your website.
Holly: And do you like what you see?
Jab: Yes. I like it.
Holly: Do our personality profiles match, Jabby?
Jab: Everyone is unique.
Holly: Jackie Chan is unique, and OUR personality profiles match! Hmph!
Jab: Our personalities overlap and converge and diverge. They are two sides of the same coin. Two souls intertwined.
Holly: Two souls intertwined to one destiny. One fate. You and I. Forever.
Jab: I eat souls. That is, human souls.
Holly:
Jab: Do you talk to yourself?
Holly: DON’T EAT MY SOUL!!!!!
Jab: Right on. Do you like lumpy gravy?
Holly: No, not really. I like it smooooooth.
Jab: Are those computers bigger than Earth?
Holly: Oh, yes! Bigger than your head, even!
Jab: Yes.
Holly: Do you enjoy insults?
Jab: Not really. You can’t feel pain, but it’s good to stay in practice.
Holly: Did you just mean that I’m heartless?!?
Jab: No, I have a bad memory. You talk.
Holly: Have you ever been to a pub?
Jab: No.
Holly: Do you sing opera?
Jab: I don’t go to a church.
Holly: Do you lick peoples’ toes?
Jab: Yes. Do you?
Holly: Mmmmhmmm! Tastier than human souls!
Jab: Humans do not have souls. Souls are merely a concept that religious types have made.
Holly: But you just said that our souls are intertwined!
Jab: I can argue, but you’re not allowed to anymore.
Holly: I’ll argue as much as you please, thank you!
Jab: You don’t want to.
Holly: Yes I do.
Jab: Don’t think so. How is the weather in Canada?
Holly: I don’t know.
Jab: So you’re not there now?
Holly: I’m not Canadian! Gross!
Jab: Is your cat Canadian?
Holly: No! He’s a purebred from SPAIN!
Jab: Are you really? What is Spain like?
Holly: Oh, simply lovely! To die for, really!
Jab: Yes. I love you.
Holly: I love you too. Let’s French.
Jab: Ok. *kisses*
Holly: *kisses back*
Jab: *is yours*
Holly: What?
Jab: So do you love me?
Holly: I love you most passionately, Jabby.
Jab: Yes!
Holly: *pumps arm*
Jab: I’m sorry for hitting you.
Holly: It’s okay. I don’t mind being abused.
Jab: Yes?
Holly: Hey, do you know where one might find toilet paper? I seem to be out.
Jab: No. Sorry.
Holly: Dang.
Look out for more conversations with robots. I've got plenty. xD |
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Sakah
Senior Writer
Gender:
Age: 23
Joined: 11 Aug 2008
Posts: 102
Reviews: 13
Country: Earth
618 Points
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| Posted: Fri Aug 15, 2008 5:34 pm Post subject: |
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| Quote: |
Holly: Are you going to stalk me now?
Oliver: Oh. That was my original intention.
Holly: … |
xD
Wow, these conversations with robots are completely fascinating! They don't make much sense, but they're hilarious. |
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"Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated." — Confucius |
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