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This thread was created on June 22, 2008
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On The Tower

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Bittersweet   View This User's Portfolio
R.I.P. Holly 1995-2008 (aka, I won NaNo).
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Gender: Gender:Female
Age: 13
Joined: 21 May 2008
Posts: 289
Reviews: 85
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732 Points

PostPosted: Mon Jun 23, 2008 2:50 am    Post subject: On The Tower Reply with quote

Inspired by the dreamy Norwegian rockstar Sondre Lerche and his song "On The Tower". Here's the link to the song on YouTube. It's just some stupid video some put together that has nothing to do with the song itself, but just ignore that. And it's in English.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wcpm41NVh_0

__________________

“I have to leave, love,” I whisper in her golden hair as we embrace. “Tomorrow night.”

She removes her chin from my shoulder to take a look at my face. I know my eyes are full of sorrow as hers dart back and forth between mine. She is silent and thoughtful for an unbearable amount of time.

“There’s more to it, isn’t there, Sondre?” she finally asks, her lip trembling.

I bite my lip and look off. All around, rain races to the narrow streets and damp sidewalks. Umbrellas dot the crowds in large numbers. Above me, a navy blue sky held up by a metal stick protects Mona and me from the wet. The rain seems to pound in my ears as the silence gets the better of me.

“I’m going on tour,” I say, straightening the strap to my guitar case on my shoulder. “I’ll be traveling to several countries. I won’t be back for a very long time.”

I see a tear sprint down her cheek. I kiss it away.

“Why didn’t you tell me before?” she murmurs, backing out of my arms, nearly stepping into the rain. “Surely you wouldn’t have been informed of this just today.” Her voice is shaky and barely audible.

“I didn’t think you would want to know,” I say, searching her face.

Her eyes flash. “So you can just slip away from me unexpectedly?” she nearly shrieks.

“I thought you would want to keep everything normal until the very last minute,” I mutter delicately.

She laughs humorlessly and takes the final step out of the cover of my umbrella. “Then you’ve completely mistranslated me, Sondre. Goodbye.” And then she’s running—she runs further and further away, her red high heels tapping cruelly on the cement.

Is the tour worth losing the woman I love more than I ever thought possible?

________

The radiant glow exuding from her open window on a stormy night once seemed inviting. Now it seems heartless and apathetic. I plop onto the soggy steps to her front door, shake my umbrella out and close it. Under the safety of the awning, take a piece of wrinkly scrap paper from my pocket and a pen.

Meet me halfway by the bedrock on the tower at eleven o’clock.

I make a paper airplane and aimed it at her window. The falling rain weighs it down, but it makes it in nonetheless. I know there is a good chance she won’t find the paper in time. I know there’s a good chance that she won’t come even if she does find it. That thought makes me unbearably sad.

I trudge away, shoving one freezing hand in a pocket and holding my umbrella over me with the other. I head off to the planned destination to wait.

By ten, far too many emotions are coursing my blood and mind. I wait as each perpetual minute ever so slowly slides away. I check my watch. Ten fifty-three. She should be here soon. If she’s coming at all. The rain isn’t helping my mood. The black sky seems far more ominous with the gray storm clouds enveloping it in a dismal hold. The lightening tearing open the skin of the clouds tastes bitter on my tongue. I feel like any moment it could strike me down on the highest balcony of the old abandoned castle. It was a place Mona and I would escape to. We felt so far away there. Ironic that it might be place our relationship could end.

I hear a shuffle through the rain from somewhere inside the castle. My head snaps automatically in the direction it came from. I see a mouse scurry past.. I sigh.

“Sondre.”

I turn to my left to find my sweet Mona. The outer layer of my distress rolls off of my skin like the rain. The weight on my chest and shoulders lessens.

“You came,” I whisper. I have to fight the urge to kiss her joyously. She probably doesn’t want that.

“I couldn’t imagine not seeing you before you….” She chokes on her words and sobs once. “I love you, Sondre.”

I can’t resist. I wrap my arms around her shoulders and press my lips to her forehead. “Marry me,” I breathe into her skin. The words feel like fire on my lips, as though everything I’ve wanted this past year but couldn’t get exploded inside me. “Come with me.”

She sobs again, but it almost sounds like a laugh. “Yes,” she whispers.

I pull a ring out of my pocket. She gasps. “When did you…?” she sputters, looking at it with wide eyes.

“This afternoon,” I laugh, feeling kind of lightheaded. “I couldn’t visualize traveling all those places without you around, my Mona. Come with me. Be with me.”

“Yes.”

___________

If you like the song and want to hear some more of him, PM me for song suggestions. Anyway, tear this story up if you'd like.


_________________
"You are in love with impossibility."- Antigone

Add me on my NaNoWriMo account.


Last edited by Bittersweet on Wed Jul 02, 2008 12:56 am; edited 1 time in total
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Ashlee   View This User's Portfolio
Junior Writer

13
Gender: Gender:Female
Age: 15
Joined: 07 Apr 2008
Posts: 33
Reviews: 13
Country: I live in a hallway, with no doors, and no rooms. :) -Shinedown "Save Me"
300 Points

PostPosted: Mon Jun 23, 2008 6:50 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

AW!!!!
This story made me cry!!
It's truly amazing, and I'm not just saying that!
If only real guys were like that! Laughing

I absolutely LOVE that story!
I wanna read more stories like that!
It really cheered me up. (long story. Laughing )
Please write more stories! You are really talented!
Good luck and keep up the good work!

~Ashlee~ Very Happy

_________________
"I'm not questioning your powers of observation, I'm merely remarking upon the paradox of asking a masked man who he is." "There are no coincidences... only the illusion of coincidence."
-V from V for Vendetta
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XxxDo   View This User's Portfolio
Oh, life..
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Age: 16
Joined: 29 Mar 2008
Posts: 385
Reviews: 88
Country: Switzerland and The Netherlands
424 Points

PostPosted: Tue Jun 24, 2008 5:55 pm    Post subject: :D Reply with quote

Hey Holly,

I really liked this story!! Its so full of emotion, you really feel for the characters ! Great job, seriously.

I hope my review is useful to you! Is there any other specific work you want critiqued?? Otherwise I'll pick something Wink

It is such a cute story, I was like : Awwww!! the whole time Smile I loved it.

Take care, and keep writing!

XxxDo


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I love NaNoWriMo ^^ it is the absolute awesomeness.
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ashleylee   View This User's Portfolio
You belong with me
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Joined: 13 Mar 2008
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895 Points

PostPosted: Fri Jun 27, 2008 9:42 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Very sweet and romantic. Sondre is so lovable. I really grew attached to him Very Happy

Only a few errors I saw:

Quote:
“I’m going on tour,” I say straightening strap to my guitar case on my shoulder.


I think you are missing “the” here. It should be added between “straightening” and “strap”

Quote:
Meet me halfway by the bedrock on the tower at eleven o’clock.


This should be in italics or something to signify the writing of a note.

Quote:
The falling rain weighs it down, but it makes in nonetheless.


You should add the word “in” between “it” and “makes”

Quote:
Ironic that it might be place our relationship could end.


Need to add “the” between “be” and “place”

All right, other than that, very cute. I would love to read more about this sexy Sondre! Wink lol

_________________
-Fill your paper with the breathings of your heart-
~William Wordsworth
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This thread was created on June 22, 2008

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