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Nolan Simmons
Nolan Simmons

by ta-mara in Historical Fiction
Young Writers Society Forum Index » Non-Fiction

This thread was created on June 23, 2008
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Elizabeth Bathory
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PostPosted: Mon Jun 23, 2008 7:16 pm    Post subject: Elizabeth Bathory Reply with quote

One of the first serial killers on record was also one of the most brutal. In the case of Elizabeth Bathory, the body count of her victims is only overshadowed by the horrific manners in which she chose to kill. Some say that the reason for her blood-lust was because of hereditary psychosis. Others attribute it to her difficult childhood. But for what ever reason, her stomach turning story has survived the wear of 500 years. However, many of the details of what was found in Castle Csejthe were lost. Due to the graphic nature of the account, those who witnessed it refused to recall it accept before the court that was to decide her fate.

She had luxurious black hair and pail skin that gave her the look of a traditional Vampire. She was from a longstanding and very well respected bloodline which connected her to Princes, Kings, Bishops, Cardinals, and was the cousin of the Prime Minister. He was the only one who came to Bathory’s defense at the trial. Her uncle, King Stephen Bathory, ruled Poland at the time and he was also noted for his deranged savagery. Elizabeth was born around 1560. She suffered from “fits” due to a brain condition that caused increased aggression. It has been suggested that epilepsy was a good possibility. For reasons unknown, she became a sex addict early on in life. At 14 she became pregnant with the child of a peasant. Rather than risk a scandal with her aristocratic betrothed, her family forced her into seclusion until the end of her pregnancy. When she was 15 she married a Hungarian Warrior who was known as “The Black Hero”. Because of her respected place in society and the privacy that was afforded her by her large estate, she found the perfect opportunity to indulge her bloodiest fantasies.

She began killing peasant girls in nearby villages, luring them to her castle with promises of employment. Over the years she became more and more cruel and refined her methods of torturing her victims. Letters to her husband have been recovered, describing her activities as if it were a hobby. Her husband would write her back and send her instructions on how to perform blood rituals and things of this nature.

The people of nearby villages claimed to hear screams emanating from the castle at night. There were whispers of the disappearing girls and their murders. But no one dare to speak out against her. For the penalty for making such accusations toward a woman of her nobility would be severe. There was nothing that could be done. But as she became more cruel and bloodthirsty, as happens with most serial killers, she also became more arrogant. She decided to see exactly how much she could get away with. Offering lessons on “social graces”, she turned her attention to lesser aristocrats. After the murder of a girl from a prominent family, King Mathias took the opportunity, not to bring a sadistic murderer to justice, but to eliminate a strong political threat posed by the powerful Countess. A raiding party was sent to the castle to investigate the rumors about Elizabeth. As they entered they noticed right away the unusual number of cats lounging around the entrance. In the great hall they found a corps of a young girl, drained of blood. A few paces away was another girl, near death, covered in deep punctures. They knew she would not even last long enough to be carried to the village so they left her there and proceeded further down the hall until they found a stair dark staircase leading down to the dungeons, where she kept her living prisoners. Girls ranging from age 10 to 20 were found, covered in wounds from various bleedings and desperately crying for help. They freed them and decided to venture up to the higher floors. The stench of rotting flesh was thick in the corridors as they moved deeper into the bowls of Castle Csejthe. They found yet another girl chained to a pillar covered in gashes, burns, bruises, and lashes from a whip. When they finally entered Bathory’s chamber, they found they were interrupting a drunken orgy. There were more victims who being tortured and raped scattered throughout the room. But, the Countess herself had fled, sensing the approach of the raiding party. They found her and confined her to a chamber in her castle to await her trial.

At the trial, several torture devices that were confiscated were presented as evidence, along with bones and other remains that were recovered from inside and around the castle. But the most compelling evidence against Elizabeth were the testimonies of her surviving victims, many of whom were disfigured for life. There were also the testimonies of her servants who acted as her accomplices. The testimonies contained detailed accounts of girls, who had been chosen for the softness of their skin and tongues, being tortured in various ways. Some had there mouths sewn shut, then were beaten until their bodies swelled. Next, they were cut to pieces while conscious and their blood kept for ceremony. Sometimes the Countess went into such biting frenzies that the girls died from having their throats ripped out. Some girls were burned with hot irons, then forced to cut off strips of flesh from their own arms and eat it. Some girls were forced into deviant sex acts with her and if they reacted with displeasure, they had red hot pokers shoved into their mouths and genitals before being butchered.

Even in an age where torture was not an uncommon occurrence, the testimonies so appalled the judges that she was actually found guilty. Though, her sentence was simply to be confined to a few small rooms in her castle until the end of her life four years later.

She kept a record containing the names of the girls she abducted. There were about 650 names listed. Because of the fact that nobility was nearly untouchable, had she not been reckless in turning her blood-lust onto other prominent citizens, she could have gotten away with it forever. Had it not been for King Mathias’s political ambitions, she very well would have.

It is enough to make one grateful for our legal system, though flawed it may be.

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PostPosted: Mon Jun 23, 2008 9:20 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hiya there! Welcome to YWS! I'm Bitter, Bitta, Sweet, or Holly, whatever! As for the story, here are some small corrections:

Quote:
Due to the graphic nature of the account, those who witnessed it refused to recall it accept before the court that was to decide her fate.


I think you mean "except" not "accept".

Quote:
She had luxurious black hair and pail skin that gave her the look of a traditional Vampire.


"Pale skin" not "pail skin" love. Hee hee. I feel like "that gave her the look of a traditional vampire" part is very straight-forward and awkward sounding. Maybe find another way to say she looked like a vampire, or just take it out completely.

Quote:
She was from a longstanding and very well respected bloodline which connected her to Princes, Kings, Bishops, Cardinals, and was the cousin of the Prime Minister.


This princes, kings, bishops, and cardinals I am quite sure do not need to be capitalized. It makes it look choppy.

Quote:
It has been suggested that epilepsy was a good possibility


That sounds sloppy, so maybe say something like "...that epilepsy was a possible diagnosis".

Quote:
When she was 15 she married a Hungarian Warrior who was known as “The Black Hero”.
This is an incomplete sentence.

Quote:
In the great hall they found a corps of a young girl, drained of blood


Corpse.

Quote:
They freed them and decided to venture up to the higher floors.


Er... that's a little nonchalant. What are their emotions? Are they horrified?

Quote:
But, the Countess herself had fled, sensing the approach of the raiding party.


Take out that first comma. It isn't needed.

Quote:
They found her and confined her to a chamber in her castle to await her trial.


Where did they find her? Give us some details, not just the facts.

Anyway, um, is this supposed to be an article or a story? Because it is far too telly and I don't think you use any describing words at all in this piece. Is she in fact a vampire? Or what is she?
You see, as a reader I'm really quite confused. You definitely captured the horror aspect, but that's all I get out of this. It may help if I knew it was true, but you haven't explained it.

Some serious editing will do the trick for this. use more descriptive words, not just facts. I think you'll have a good story if you do so.

Holly

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PostPosted: Tue Jun 24, 2008 5:09 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I do apologize for the confusion. It was meant to be viewed as an article. Though I am using all the information I came upon while researching it to write a screenplay. Thank you for all your corrections by the way. I appreciate you taking the time to read it.
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This thread was created on June 23, 2008

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