Yeah, so I was kind of in the odd depressed, woe is me, mood and decided to write this... I usually would never post something like this, that would reveal parts of my life my friends don't know but when something demands to be written, there's no resisting.

How do you tell a little girl her best friend is leaving? How do you tell her that her best friend is in a hospital, being treated for depression, when she doesn't even know what depression is? You think over the options, you've lied to her once, why not again? She's under the impression that her older sister is at her best friend's house, and is even angry that you wouldn't let her sleep over some one's house. She runs out of the school yard, ecstatic that not only you, her mother, is there to pick her up, but also her dad. She cheerfully chats about how wonderful her day was. Her third grade teacher loved her poem and they played jump rope during recess. Her bright face has a halo of light brown hair around it, being pushed up by her new stretchy headband. You quietly walk next to her, listening to every word she says, savoring it, knowing what you're about to tell her.

When you get back to the car, she retells the events just as happily as during the first time, to her dad. He smiles at her through the rear view mirror, she notices his eyes wrinkle at the edges when he smiles. She laughs. You sit silently next to your husband as he curses at the other cars on the road thinking about how your eight year old daughter is going to take the news. She instantly becomes alert when you pull into a big parking lot only a mile down the road. She soaks up her surroundings. There's a two big buildings, and a playground. At first she thinks you're taking her to play, but then she sees your face. She looks up at you, confused, and puts her head on the back of your seat. You take a deep breath and tell her her sister's in the hospital, and she won't be able to see her every night. She instantly breaks down in tears, and asks why you didn't tell her before. You tell her you didn't want her to be unable to focus during her spelling test, she cries harder. You tell her you're sorry, and that everything will be okay but she doesn't believe you. She just wipes away her tears and lets you lead her into the hospital.

After that day, you saw a change. She stopped laughing and telling you about every moment of her day. She goes through periods of zoning out, and having no recollection of what happened. You worry. What if she turns out just like her sister? No, that can't happen. So you go right up to her and say, don't be like your sister. At first she ignores you, then when her sister's home for a weekend visit, she tells her the same thing. Her whole world is crushed. Then, she goes back to school. Every morning you give her the same warning, don't tell anyone about what's happening. So she doesn't. She doesn't say anything at all.

Fast forward.

She's fifteen. She doesn't laugh, or tell you things about her day. She only smiles when her sister's home. She's completely different. The once outgoing, cheerful child has grown into a teenager who's withdrawn, and can't talk to new people. She locks herself in her room to listen to music and write down the contents of her soul. She's completely different. And she zoned out during three years of her life. She changed. For the better? or, for the worse? Who knows?

You still worry about her. Is she happy? Why doesn't she talk to you anymore? She tries, but can't. All she can think about are those two warnings; don't be like your sister and don't tell anyone. She's traumatized.