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Mr. Jones
Mr.  Jones

by Jonny in Other Fiction
Young Writers Society Forum Index » Fanfiction

This thread was created on April 22, 2008
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Harry/Hermione Fanfiction Chap. 1 Goto page Previous  1, 2

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Werewolf   View This User's Portfolio
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Gender: Gender:Female
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Joined: 10 Jun 2008
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PostPosted: Wed Jun 11, 2008 10:53 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

eh. It was actually not bad, although I am stongly opposed to H/HR. The writing was very welld one, and it flowed quite well. You had all the character pinned quite nicely. A few things I found that I couldn't believe was the whole singing dancing part, and when Hermione said her cousin made her take pole dancing lessons. But other then that, it wasn't that bad.
8/10
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harrypotterbooklover101   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Thu Jun 19, 2008 9:17 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

That is soooooooo sick.Is ron and Hermione,not Harry and Hermione!

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Moriah Leila   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Fri Jun 20, 2008 4:13 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I liked it. I was expecting something that followed the plot of the Harry Potter books and when that didn't happen I was so pleased. I mean other than pyhsical descriptions, Ron's accent and the names of the characters you basically created a whole new story. But I like the spin on the characters, it makes them different people. It would be interesting how Ron would react to this situation had he been sober since it seems in the original books that he has a thing for Hermoine. And Summerless said something about Harry and Ginny having children together. If that were the case wouldn't these new feelings for Hermoine put a big spin on things. But I loved what you did with your "whim". Very good job.
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dianis97   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Fri Jun 20, 2008 6:02 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Good job...I really liked it, but I never really expect harry thinking that way about Hermione
I like the way ron sounded like him...u know the mate thing also the accent made him sound drunk
it made me laugh a couple of times.....good job!

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spaced_out   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Sat Jun 21, 2008 10:55 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

This was a very good piece.

What you need to do:

more talk.

less script-like

better work

WHAT YOU HAVE:

alto

a plot

discription

alot of other things

Now if you look at these, and improve, you can do this. TRUST ME

MATT

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This thread was created on April 22, 2008
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This thread was created on April 22, 2008

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