Topic ID: 31082
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itz cuz i luv u
Novice
Gender: 
Age: 13
Joined: 04 Jun 2008
Posts: 5
Reviews: 0
300 Points
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 Posted: Wed Jun 04, 2008 3:44 am Post subject: Summer 08 |
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Cheyea!! i finnaly fot out of school all of the drama has ended and yes that means you the guy i loved wit all my heart and just stepped on it like if u where sum kid dis hearted kid. Yes we where friends and i knew u had feeling for me but come on why deny it then tell all ur friends about our little "secret" i really dont no why. But now u come up wit this really big confusing story that u where just joking. YEA!!! sure u where. Oh and that party u had wow that was the blast . NOT!! u could just think you could do that. WOw u sucha idk but u are ok why are u like that i mean we where friends cant we just be friends plez. just stop all the rumering just stop it  |
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Sir Mantis
ideas don't die, they're simply forgotten
Novelist
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Age: 18
Joined: 04 Mar 2007
Posts: 277
Reviews: 26
Country: ∞
363 Points
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| Posted: Wed Jun 04, 2008 3:51 am Post subject: |
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| Umm...okay. |
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"I'll burn this city to the ground just to give you a pretty sight." |
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Aet Lindling
Hai?
Speaker of the Forum
Gender:
Age: 100
Joined: 26 Feb 2007
Posts: 706
Reviews: 135
Country: Cool, an extra Custom Title!
540 Points
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| Posted: Wed Jun 04, 2008 3:58 am Post subject: |
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What on earth? And I'd like to say more than the rules confine me to, believe me. A lot of pretty words one doesn't find in children's books.
Anyway...
This has absolutely no freakin' composition. And the grammar is HORRIBLE. Absolutely despicable. I'm almost doubting you meant to post this. Maybe a small rodent got on the keyboard and typed it for you.
Look, normally I'd be nicer, but come on! This is not a story! This is not a non-fiction piece! This is not anything that deserves to be posted as something to be read and critiqued on a writers site! Honestly!
And two words... Spell. Check. With so many horrible typos, it's obvious you meant to put them in, but there are probably a few you didn't mean either.
Punctuation is needed. There are about four sentences when there should be twenty, and you have horrible punctuation placement even when we forget about sentences. Read some books. See what it looks like? Believe it or not, that's what your piece is supposed to look like. I know, odd isn't it?
Edit: And... to add to the incredibly long list of offenses... You ignored the rules. You ignored what the rules you are supposed to read on joining blatantly said, and posted a piece before you had reviewed two things. You still need to review two things. And no. That "review" you did on those pictures that goes like so: "hey i love the whole natural affect i mean the grass it looks very greenish and that complements alot can u plez review my story its summer 08 thanks =]" does not count as a review.
It does not count in the slightest.
And your review counter under your name agrees, see? Still zero. Also, unless you have put an incredible amount of work into a review, and/or you know the person, you do NOT advertise your own piece! I almost laughed aloud! You post this ridiculous placating quickie piece of crap and end it with a long thing about how the poster should review your story that's nearly half the size of the review you submitted!
Epic fail. |
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tennisprincess
Senior Writer
Gender:
Age: 13
Joined: 03 Apr 2008
Posts: 116
Reviews: 89
Country: Vagonia Land
450 Points
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| Posted: Thu Jun 05, 2008 8:03 pm Post subject: |
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I'm sorry. I attempted to read it but just couldn't.
Please please please edit it and NO CHAT SPEAK.
Then a I shall review it. |
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Well, there isn't a whole lot to say... So I'll just hypnotize you and steal your cookies now.. |
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blacktiger3915
It's the eye of the tiger!
Speaker of the Forum
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Joined: 26 Nov 2007
Posts: 725
Reviews: 270
Country: Atlanta,GA USA
210 Points
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| Posted: Sat Jun 07, 2008 12:47 am Post subject: |
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Wow...... well, the others already said what was needed to be said. I shall not repeat. This was terrible. You must really like chat room and/or text talk. It's in your writing and in your user name! I think you should use spell check and put this piece in "Randomness". Just my thoughs. Best wishes. Peace  |
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Don't send sheep to kill a wolf. |
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wisemann210
@(V_V)@ I'll be there for you...
Novelist
Gender:
Age: 15
Joined: 07 Jun 2008
Posts: 331
Reviews: 65
Country: USA
106 Points
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| Posted: Sat Jun 07, 2008 2:41 pm Post subject: |
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what?! edit edit edit edit, way too much slang and chit chat!
[edited by Adam_Atlantian to restore the shape of the forum.] |
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OverEasy
I are cute O.O
Speaker of the Forum
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Joined: 01 Jan 2008
Posts: 763
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Country: The Lovely Hills of BubbleYum!
325 Points
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| Posted: Sat Jun 07, 2008 5:15 pm Post subject: |
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| Woah! Watch the explanation points wisemann210. |
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If I can write one line of one story that touches someone in some way. Then my one dream in life has come true. |
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tdownes
Senior Writer
Gender:
Age: 15
Joined: 13 May 2008
Posts: 112
Reviews: 17
Country: The Lost Moon Of Poosh
179 Points
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| Posted: Thu Jun 19, 2008 7:01 pm Post subject: |
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GAH!
As said before, no-one (or only the strong-willed) will read this thoroughly. There's way too much Netspeak! And it's all down to the format of your posts, meaning novels and such, that determines whether the reader wants to actually read it. No, offense, by just looking at it I knew there was no point.
You have put in complete simplicity, and have then removed it by adding incomplete words and slang that is not permitted on this website! (I am so grateful I found YWS- it is one of the best websites ever: getting people to show their potential). *and breath*
So, you know, brush up a bit on your grammar. When you see some errors in a piece, before your post, don't just think " Hey, I can leave it. The critiques will let it be". Consider how deliberately putting slang and such will have on your reputation -as a member of YWS (beginning to sound like stuck record here, no?)
We here are dedicated! DEDICATED!!!! |
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Cat_Lover_23
Junior Writer
Gender:
Age: 14
Joined: 26 Apr 2008
Posts: 24
Reviews: 11
300 Points
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| Posted: Tue Jul 08, 2008 2:58 pm Post subject: |
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| What is this supposed to be?! I completely and totally agree with the others. It was hard to read, very, very hard. What is the point of writing in chat room text? It's making it hard to figure out what this...thing is about and the grammar isn't helping either. I don't understand, not at all. |
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Cat_Lover_23
"...and [there were] doors that weren't really doors at all, but solid walls just pretending." -Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone |
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hamerkid2
Junior Writer
Gender:
Age: 15
Joined: 06 Oct 2006
Posts: 24
Reviews: 3
Country: U.S.A
334 Points
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| Posted: Wed Aug 06, 2008 6:16 pm Post subject: |
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it reads as though you just pounded the key board then added a few word. Half of it i couldn't understand because it was misspelled or you were using some kind of slang only local to your area.
I'm sorry I just have to ask if you ever thought the, whatever that was, over before you posted it.
In case you didn't know it already there is a spell checker you can use to make sure what you right at least has good spelling. But it's up to you to fix the grammar. |
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