Please don't ask how I came up with this idea. You do not want to know. And, yes, this is probably crap right now, but it's for JFW1415's Side-Character's contest. I hope it's at least acceptable.

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She was digging for gold—in her nose.

It took me by surprise. My mouth hung open, and I could feel a laugh coming through my throat. I covered my mouth and nudged Karen, who was sitting next to me.

“What?” she whispered. I pointed, discreetly, to the woman.

Performing his last couple of acts upon the stage, the magician feebly waved his magic wand. His face was bright red, and he was muttering incantations.

All I could do was stare at the woman.

I could hear Karen giggling silently next to me. She bit her tongue to hold in the laughter. She was sitting around two other people--they were both shirking away from her. The gold digger didn't seem to notice.

I turned my attention back to the show. The room was full of people: Old men with canes and walkers, and young, fair ladies with children and babies. There were rich men with thick, pressed coats and middle class men with overalls.

And there was the woman digging for gold.

Karen silently laughed and I pinched her shoulder through my folded arms, holding back a smile.

“Just watch the show,” I whispered and tried to block the woman out of my peripheral vision. The magician waved his wand, muttering a strange spell.

His wand was very long. Black with white tips, it was waved back and forth falsely. I tried to focus in on the wand. It was luring me in—the magician’s voice rose and finally—

A dove shot out of a basket on the stage. The audience gasped and broke out into applause as the magician bowed and grinned. The gas lanterns brightly lit his red face.

“Oh!” Karen laughed and pointed to the woman. I rolled my eyes, but looked.

She pulled her finger out of her nose and ate it. She ate it!

I gasped and covered my mouth. Karen’s eyes widened. We both suddenly burst out laughing and men and woman glanced behind them to see what was going on.

I could feel the tears sliding out of my eyes as I laughed and giggled. The woman digging for gold looked at us and put her hand in her lap, acting as though she hadn’t done anything.

Focusing back on the magician, I saw that he had covered a box with a tablecloth. He explained:

“This box is empty, right now. Sir? Sir, you in the green hat? Will you please come up and verify that the box is empty?”

A fragile man in a green hat and wide eyes stumbled his way up towards the stage. The magician directed him to the box, and the man peered in it. He whispered something.

“Say that again, louder,” the magician commanded.

“There’s nothing in the box,” the man with the green hat muttered, and quickly sat back down, blushing furiously. I watched him tell his wife something (she was sitting next to him), and she put her arm around him.

“There is nothing in the box. Alright! Hocus Pocus, Alakazam!” The magician waved his wand and pointed it at the box. There was an instant silence in the room.

The magician bit his lip and cautiously glanced into the box. I could see the shocked look on his face.

He coughed and pulled back from the box, blushing. Something had gone wrong. I snickered, and glanced over my shoulder to look at Karen. She was giggling like mad, bright red in the face. Her eyes were watering.

“What’s so funny?” I whispered.

“The woman!”

I covered a smile with my hand again and looked back.

She ate another one.

I watched her do the whole process! First, she began by digging for gold, and then examining it, as if determining whether it was edible. And then she stuck her finger in her mouth and sucked on it. I wanted to vomit.

Karen couldn’t hold it in any longer. She burst out laughing and stood up. I flushed and looked away from her. Karen? Who’s she? I don’t know a Karen!

She, laughingly, left the auditorium. Every person in the theater was staring at her.

The magician was glad for the diversion. He quickly ran off of the stage to get away from his failure. The fox had not appeared in the box, and he hadn’t had a clue why.

The last thing I saw that night, before I left to go fetch Karen, was the woman. She had her finger up her nose, but was all out of gold.

What a shame.