Well, this is my first story that I'm posting. It's only the beginning part. I really enjoy writing Sci-Fi, but I've noticed that not a lot of people critique it. I will appreciate anything that you guys can help me with. Thank you very much.
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The Veronica was hurtling through the hazy, morning air at a frightening pace. The massive aeroship dashed into gray clouds, over the highest mountain formations, through the valleys, and into the horizon.
Captain Bear kept his eyes skillfully on the knobs and gauges in front of him. His face was rough and unshaven: determined. The map of the artic Circle was sprawled on a table behind him. A mug of coffee held it in place. The map had highlighted sections and locations: arrows were strewn across the paper with penned longitude and latitude degrees. There was a spot circled many times and all arrows were directed to it.
Javã, the location of the crash site.
Captain Bear licked his dry lips and drew a long sigh. His olive green eyes were focused on the radar, directly opposite from the knobs. The radar detected no enemy threats.
Silently, he rotated a lever, and the Veronica swiveled to the right. The aeroship’s icy wings adjusted and began to increase in speed again.
A monitor blinked and presented a message:
Latitude: 66.56083º. Longitude: N/A. 162 knots. Will arrive at specified destination in thirty seconds.
Captain Bear nodded as he read the message. He was just in time.
“Good God,” he muttered as the Veronica passed a frozen mountain. There was a huge clearing, definitely larger than two hundred kilometers long. In the dead center, there were the remains of an aeroship.
It shouldn’t have surprised him. He knew that the ship had crashed landed, but the size of it! The enormity! Hell, the Veronica wasn’t half the size of the remains!
The automatic GPS landing system kicked in, and the Veronica’s landing gears were instantly exposed to the below freezing temperatures. Captain Bear could hear the iron groaning as the Veronica put its weight on it. He shrugged: The aeroship had been through worse.
“Captain?”
He glanced over his shoulder and saw FAM, the robotic mechanic. FAM stood for Fully Automated Machine, which meant that FAM could move and converse just as a human could. Captain Bear had found it in Arabia, while rummaging through the Veronica’s engine. He distinctively remembered threatening to shut down the robot if it did not leave. FAM, of course, directly took the orders and left the ship, only to sneak its way back.
Captain Bear agreed to allow FAM to stay onboard as long as it was constantly working on the Veronica. FAM, so far, hadn’t let him down.
“Yes?” Captain Bear asked, eyeing FAM. The robot was built much like a human without legs. It had mechanical arms that were extremely flexible, while its lower half consisted of wheels. The head (or the brain, as Captain Bear called it) was a circular shape with two square lights. The lights released waves like a bat: the waves would echo off of any hard surface and go back to FAM, who would then detect its surroundings.
“Ott would like to know if the aliens will be present on your expeditions,” FAM replied in a monotone, flat voice.
Captain Bear turned back around to face out of the Veronica’s window. Blinding snow and frozen ground was underneath the aeroship now; it had landed. The remains of the crash site were approximately sixty yards away, he estimated. There were no signs of the UEs anywhere. No footprints in the snow, no living signs in the rubble.
“Tell Ott that nobody can ever be sure,” Captain Bear said, eyeing the fallen aeroship. FAM wheeled around to leave.
“And, FAM?” The robot stopped. “Tell him to always be on his guard. Also, tell him to bring whatever guns and grenades we have available. We are going to need them. FAM?”
“Yes, Captain?”
“Please have the Veronica ready for lift off as soon as we get back. Thank you,” Captain Bear added, and FAM rolled off into the Veronica.
“Now, why the hell did that robot tell me to bring guns?” Tony Ott cried, sliding a fully loaded revolver into his pack. His warm, fur coats were tightened around his torso. Many coats were layered on top of each other, and Captain Bear was sure that even six or seven coats wouldn’t be enough to halt the freezing air.
“I told FAM to tell you to bring them. It’s not its fault. We are going to need them. Now stop complaining and lets get the bloody hell out of here,” Captain Bear said as he turned to unlock the door to get out.
“Well, we are obviously going to meet some UEs then. Right?” Ott muttered as he shifted his pack over his shoulder. His bright red face was long and pointed, and his eyes were crazy.
“Most likely,” Captain Bear replied and opened the door. They were instantly greeted with a chilling blast of air, knocking Ott over. He swore and picked himself up again, muttering.
“Do you know what happened to the ship? I mean, the aeroship that we’re going to see?” Ott said as Captain Bear jumped out of the Veronica. He landed with a crash on the snowy ground, and Ott yelled:
“How far down is the drop? I don’t want to, you know, break anything. Or have the gun go off!”
“You’re such a coward, Ott! Just get your ass down here!” Captain Bear shouted and turned around. He tugged on his coat and eyed the ruins of the aeroship. Everything was charred and burned: A fire must’ve destroyed everything. Captain Bear heard a crash, and he looked back to Ott. He was lying on the ground, moaning and choosing a few choice swear words.
“Come on, Ott. Get up,” Captain Bear urged, and began walking towards the ruins. He fingered a handheld gun in his hand. It was loaded, ready to fire at any given time.
Ott stumbled onto his feet and caught up with the captain. He was breathing heavily and shivering.
“Why is it,” he whispered, “so cold?”
“We are in the Artic Circle, you idiot. Now come on.”
A few yards up, Captain Bear froze. His eyes were large, inspecting everything. He held his hand up, and Ott halted.
There were a few moments of silence.
“What?” Ott whispered.
Captain Bear didn’t reply.
He was just about to take another step when two figures leaped from the ruins. Ott screamed, and flung his bag to the ground, searching for his gun. The UEs were too quick for him—they bounded from the aeroship to the two men in less than a second.
Captain Bear pulled the trigger and a bullet shot out from his gun. One UE dodged it, and snarled. The alien was larger than the captain: webbed feet, large, unblinking eyes and frozen, pink skin. It ran like a dog, on all four feet. It had a large mouth with hundreds of sharp teeth.
The captain shot again. The bullet flew past Ott’s head and struck a UE in the arm. The alien growled and took a dive towards the captain, while the other UE slashed its sharp hand at Ott.
Everything was happening so quickly, Captain Bear couldn’t comprehend what was happening. He felt pain in his torso, then in his legs. He was flying, flying, flying. More pain as he slammed to the snowy ground.
He could feel the UE’s hot breath on his neck as it simmered over him. Everything was getting dark, which surprised him. The Artic Circle was always daylight—for twenty-four hours.
Captain Bear could hear Ott screaming. Screaming, yelling. Gun shots: Explosions to the ear. Everything was so damn loud!
“Ugh,” Captain Bear muttered as he attempted to crack his eyelids. The force was too much. He lay there, between that state of unconsciousness and death. He could hear Ott faintly. There were more gunshots.
Everything was beginning to darken. Everything was falling into the world of the night.
What was happening?
. So, I suggest you get rid of most of the "Captain Bear"s and replace them with "he"s. If you're a little weary of how it'll be in your story, just PM me when you've edited the story and I'll try to help you out more.
Wow, this is very well written! The language is so concise and mature. Way to go!
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