When I walked into school that day I had no idea as to what was about to befall my already stressed and childish young teen mind. See, I have never had the best luck with guys. I mean, in fourth grade Samuel Richards was practically obsessed with me. Perhaps the only problem with that was the fact that I thought boys were covered in cooties and lice. I didn't want anything to do with them, and I shunned the very thought of dealing with my brother's and step-dad's remarks of my feelings toward boys.

As I grew to feel butterflies for a particular guy in fifth grade, the feeling of disgust slowly dissolved away. He was, in my opinion, cute, nice, and sweet, yet a little rebellious. I enjoyed his company, and the best part was that he liked me back. He had no idea that I liked him, but I knew he liked me. I knew it very well. I asked him why once. His reply was, "'Cause your pretty and nice and funny." His voice was so cute and childish...

One day, Madilyne and I were in gym when she asked me if I had a crush on anyone. Since I tend not to lie unless under extreme circumstances I simply replied, "Yeah." She stopped and smiled. "Who?" I was a little unsure of whether or not to tell her, but I spilled. What harm could it do? He already liked me anyway....

"No Way! You know He really likes you! Can I tell him?"

"No! No way!"

"Please?"

"Well, OK. I guess so."

"Yay!"

The next day, in gym, she approached me once again.

Alan wants to know if you will date him."

"Um..."

I didn't know what to say. I liked him, but I wasn't ready for a boyfriend. I had wished all year for this, but for some reason I was unable to bring myself to answer yes or no.

"Tell him I want to talk to him."

"No! Yes or no? Just answer me."

"I don't know. I need to talk to him."

"Yes or no?"

"Um... No. No, I'm sorry. I like him but no...." I felt utterly ashamed knowing that I had probably broken his heart as well as my own. No one has really tried to ask me out since.

Looking back on it makes me realize what a stupid little fifth grader I was.

-----

3 years later in the middle of 8th grade...

When Madilyne stopped me in the lunchroom, I was perhaps astonished by the news she brought. My heart fluttered but all I did was blush and say, "Really?"

"Yes! He said he thinks your cute and nice!"

"No, not me.... He can't be talking about me."

"Would I lie to you?"

"I suppose not..."

"Well, he's thinking about asking you out, but he wants to know what you think of him."

'Asking you out'.... A boy wants to date me? It couldn't be.

"Um mm... I don't know... He's kind of mean, but....I don't really know him.... maybe.... I don't know..."

"He really likes you."

"OK, well.... maybe I'll give him a chance."

"Great! I'll tell him!"

As she ran off to tell him the news, I couldn't believe what had just happened. It was such a shock to me that a loud outgoing popular boy wanted anything to do with me; the quiet, reserved future veterinarian. Although I knew the risks of dating a guy like that, I forgot about them. I just was so enveloped in the idea of actually having a boyfriend.

-----

It was a Tuesday when he finally got the guts to actually ask me out. But still, he didn't exactly say it to my face. He sent adversaries. Madilyne and Julianne ran up from behind and blocked my path, white teeth gleaming in their giant smiles. Madilyne talks first.

"Will you go out with Ryan?"

"I.... um...."

This time, Julianne speaks.

"Come on! Will you?"

I glanced over my shoulder, back down the hall. I caught his eyes. They were wide with what seemed to be possible horror and anticipation.

"Tell him.... Yes." I chuckled for some odd reason. "Yes."

The two squealed, running down the hall practically screaming, "She said YES!!!! Ryan! She said YES!!!!!!!!!!!!" I looked back to see an enormous smile on his normal face. His braces and short hair made him not the cutest boy, but he was decent. He was the best I'd ever have.

-----

The whole night, as I lay in bed, I ran the thought through my head over and over again. Ryan and Larein; Larein and Ryan. R + L; L + R. The thought kept me smiling as I drifted off into a deep sleep....

That day was the beginning of something big. Something unpredictable. Something irreplaceable.

I never expected it to turn into something so uncomfortable and life changing in my teen years...