Topic ID: 31204
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Eimear
It ain't me, babe
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 Posted: Fri Jun 06, 2008 5:49 pm Post subject: Moving Mountains (Shadows are dancing) |
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Can’t you see it?
We’re changing for the better,
day by day, bit by bit.
Even moving mountains,
Can’t you see it?
I’m starting to smile,
you’re beginning to laugh.
And why shouldn’t I be?
I’ve found my other half.
We’re moving mountains
just me and you.
So many things happening
every time we do.
The shadows are dancing.
The lamps are blinking,
my feet are tapping,
your mind’s a-thinking
Eyes are opening--
but to a world that’s always been!
It’s funny, because all the time,
I’ve never even seen,
Seen how wonderful
life can truly be.
Just with you and me.
We’re holding on so tightly,
colours falling from the sky
I’m loving for a lifetime,
ain’t gonna say goodbye!
Our hands are stronger
together, you and I.
Moving mountains,
just, moving mountains
And never saying goodbye. |
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chocoholic
Give me the chocolate and nobody gets hurt
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916 Points
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| Posted: Mon Jun 09, 2008 6:24 am Post subject: |
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Ah! Thought I'd done this one. *scurries off to check date* Nup, this is from the sventh. When I was sick! I must have skimmed it without actually critiquing it. Well, here I am now.
Good job! I think this is much better than your other ones. Have you been taking all the advice to heart? I can see a rhythm in this, and I can fit it into a tune. Now, let's see what else I have to say.
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| Even moving mountains, |
This line seems a bit... random. I couldn't really make it go, and I think the rest of the song is better off without it.
That's really all the line stuff I can do. You've definetely improved, I'd just like to point out that a lot of these rhymes do seema little forced and sometimes to direct. Direct rhymes can be fine, but usually in songs you just have a couple of words the go together, not that are pretty much the same.
But, you're only beginning.
Good luck, and I'm looking forward to seeing more your stuff! |
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Sapphire
Senior Writer
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1910 Points
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| Posted: Mon Jun 09, 2008 3:54 pm Post subject: |
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I loved these lyrics!
Going to agree with chocoholic again about 'Even moving mountains' - it disturbs the first verse a little.
In the second verse I think 'And why shouldn't I?' would be enough - I don't think you need the 'be'.
In the last verse, although I liked 'moving mountains/just, moving mountains' (the characters singing this as if it's so easy to them now) and although it emphasised the title, I think it would be better if you could find something else from the song to exchange it with, so you don't have the repetition. For example, although I'm not keen on the line 'We’re holding on so tightly', you could use it, making the last verse:
| Quote: |
Our hands are stronger
together, you and I.
Moving mountains,
Holding on tightly,
And never saying goodbye. |
I'm sorry I'm really bad at explaining myself so if you want clarification, just message me.
My favourite lines are:
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Eyes are opening--
but to a world that’s always been! |
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| colours falling from the sky |
Well done! |
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aestar101
No Soup for You!
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378 Points
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| Posted: Tue Jun 10, 2008 3:01 pm Post subject: |
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These lyrics move mountians. This is really good. I liked the fact that you choose moving mountain to describe tow people's love. This is better than the crap they put on the radio. They should be more songs like yours, that mean somthing. Hillights:
| Quote: |
We’re moving mountains
just me and you.
So many things happening
every time we do. |
| Quote: |
We’re holding on so tightly,
colours falling from the sky
I’m loving for a lifetime,
ain’t gonna say goodbye! |
When I think about these lyircs it reminds me of "Defying Grafivty" from Wicked. Both songs just have the felling of changing things extemlybecause you can. Overall good work!  |
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