The wind tousled my hair, swept it in my eyes and across my forehead. The fingers curled around the balcony railing were numb from the chill, yet I refused to go inside. Go inside and lie beside the guy that just kissed me.
The reflected moonlight sliced through the darkness of the water and the moon itself was somehow comforting. As if it was a friend come to simply keep me company and to listen, rather than the silver ball suspended in the star-studded, navy velvet of the sky.
I licked my lips for the thousandth time as if trying to lick away lingers of Steven’s kiss. A tear trailing down my face was the only thing to warm my cheek.
Steven’s kiss, his invitation to sleep with him…all that had brought up unpleasant memories.
My friends calling me a faggot for my homosexuality. People I didn’t know stopping me in the halls of middle school and asking me how many cocks I had sucked today. The principal had tried to stop it, but you couldn’t stop discrimination.
And my parents…they had started taking me to therapy in eighth grade when word had gotten to them. The lady had tried to explain to me things that didn’t matter anymore. A straight guy with a welcoming family and good friends was better than a gay boy left all alone. I had changed over the summer before high school, squashed down the person that nobody liked.
But now, Steven had made this person rise again. Steven…God, I had liked him from the start. When I saw that irresistible face, those chocolate eyes. And he had been the only one friendly towards me in that Dark Age.
Steven was the one I had loved most—and still loved, even now. And now I had denied him one simple wish benefit to me all because of what I had done.
The moon blurred up. Water spilled on my cheeks. I collapsed in a heap on the ground and cried.
It seemed like a second had passed when I was pulled up, arms enfolding me in their warmth. The waist I wrapped my arms around was too familiar. I hiccuped, wept, sniffled on that thin cotton shirt.
When I finally pulled back, I was sitting on Steven’s lap while the latter sat on a patio chair, the moon several inches above the horizon.
“Hey,” I greeted him with hoarse voice.
Those eyes stared in mine, “Are you okay? I’ve never seen you like this.”
I sniffed, “Fine. Sorry about your shirt.”
“It can be washed,” Steven waved one hand. “But…why were you crying like that? It was—I don’t know how to explain it.”
I sniffled, “Those days in middle school when I was open about my sexuality…those were the worst days of my life. I vowed never to be like that again. But then your kiss…how could I have not shrugged it off with those coming up. The gray fuzz is now sharp, clear Technicolor.”
“But your parents didn’t…you know, when you were like that,”
I smiled, “They don’t matter to me now.”
Steven nodded, “Good. D’you think they’ll take you in when you—I mean, if you confess.”
“I will confess. And if not, then I’ll get a job and—”
“No, you won’t.” Steven cut me off. “You’ll live with me.”
“But your apartment has one closet and…”
Steven chuckled, “I didn’t plan on telling you till a week in, but I’m moving to Florida a week after. To a nice condo. Do you think you can manage being in the same bed with me for one more week before we move?”
I laughed, “Of course! But…I’m wondering why do you love me the way you love me?”
Steven smiled, “When I told you my secret about my…path, you didn’t treat me any different. Stephanie did,” he added, bringing up the long-term girlfriend who had swore to keep his choice a secret, “she was really jumpy and just very different. That’s why I broke up with her.”
I nodded, “It’s odd because I began to really fall hard for you when you supported me about my choice.
“You mean about your…?”
Yes, and I’m redeeming it now. I’m homosexual again. Those friends can just burn in hell.”
