Topic ID: 31015
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GordonRamsayLuver
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 Posted: Tue Jun 03, 2008 12:34 am Post subject: Writer's block |
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Writer’s Block
All day thinking of a new poem to write,
But nothing comes to mind.
I sit here with laptop in hand,
Trying to find new ideas.
I always find ideas when I am not near pencils and paper.
So I can’t write them down.
I always lose the idea,
Then I have to think all over again.
Two days later I still got nothing.
The teacher said,
“Think of something creative.”
But I don’t have anything in mind.
Then I went to my teacher after school the next day.
I asked her,
“How do I stop the writer’s block?”
She said, “Don’t think about it and then it will come to you.”
So I did exactly as she said,
I relaxed and chilled for about an hour.
Than something hit me like a bolt of lightning.
It was a new idea and I said,
“Yeah! The writer’s block is gone.
I am back and better than ever.” |
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Ringo_rules987
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| Posted: Tue Jun 03, 2008 1:43 am Post subject: |
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It's nice, but you really had some rhythm problems in there. The rhythm of the first stanza doesn't fit the second, particularly in the first and last lines. When reading the third stanza, the first thing that stuck out to me was your use of the word "got"
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| Two days later I still got nothing |
Using the phrase "Got nothing" isn't particularly good in flow, it's awkward.
Fourth stanza fell off rhythm too. My recommendation is to rewrite this and focus on getting a decent rhythm. Heck, I count syllables to make good rhythms.
I do appreciate, however, that you know how to write a narrative poem. |
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Shinox
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| Posted: Wed Jun 04, 2008 7:54 pm Post subject: |
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Nice poem!
It can relate to many of those with writer's block.  That dreaded thing.
I would take out got and replace it with a different word
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| Two days later I still got nothing |
You could put have or a different word. You could change the sentence too. You could put, Two days later, I'm still left with nothing
Overall it's pretty good.
Keep up the writing!  |
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Raimunda
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| Posted: Fri Jun 06, 2008 7:03 pm Post subject: |
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I stolidly do not believe in writers block, but I thought that this poem kind of explained to me what it must be like. If it existed.
"Two days later I still got nothing."
contrary to popular opinion, I dont have a problem with this sentence. I don't really consider this a very formal poem, so I think using some slang isn't bad at all; in fact, in a way it's good, because it makes the writer seem more realistic. No-one speaks in proper grammatical prose.
I relaxed and chilled for about an hour. I don't think you need both verbs here. It makes the sentence seem a bit..um, wobbly? I dunno. But I'd only use one.
I am back and better than ever.” OMGOSH, if I was writing this, I would have succomed to the temptation to write 'I'm back and biting.'
Congratulations on not using rubbish metaphors like that. |
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kris
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| Posted: Fri Jun 06, 2008 8:21 pm Post subject: |
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I can relate COMPLETELY! How very irksome.. eurgh 
Very sincere poem. and is that not what a poem is meant to be?
Yes perhaps there are some problems with the rhythm and structure. A little revision and it will be tops! nice one! |
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Eimear
It ain't me, babe
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| Posted: Sat Jun 07, 2008 10:47 am Post subject: |
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This is good in theory, but there were a few problems with it that just prevented me from enjoying it very much. You tell,tell,tell the story instead of showing us your emotions, thoughts and feelings about your event/problem. We all get writer's block. We all are told to be creative. How can you show us this in an original and unique light? Could you personify writer's block into an annoying person who visits you when you least suspect it? Could you use dramatic irony to reach out and relate yourself to the reader? Of course, this will talk to you us because we are all writers. But how would a person who is not a writer receive this?
Those are some questions I will put to you. In the mean time I would suggest re-considering this line here-
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| Than something hit me like a bolt of lightning. |
That is a very well worn metaphor. There's even two typos in it! Even changing this to:
'Something hit me like a flying golf ball'
Would probably catch the reader's attention more. The problem is using a metaphor like that will have little or no effect as it had been used so many times before. The reader will simply skim over it and fail to feel or care about the speakers revelation.
Hope this helps, and sorry if I sound harsh- it's just because I liked this so much and felt that if improved and tinkered with slightly, it could be great.
Eimear |
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