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niteowl
I'm an ol' king bee, honey,
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 Posted: Fri Mar 11, 2005 8:03 pm Post subject: |
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A woman was in the forest when she encountered a genie who would grant her three wishes. The catch? Her husband would get whatever she wished for ten times more.
"First, I wish to be the richest woman in the world." She said.
"This will make your husband much, much richer. Are you sure?"
"Yes." BAM! She was the richest woman in the world.
"For my second wish, I wish to be the most beautiful woman in the world."
"You do realize this will make your husband the most handsome man on earth. All the women will flock to him. Are you sure?"
"Yes." So BAM! She was the most beautiful woman in the world.
"Third, I wish to have a mild heart attack." |
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Firestarter
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| Posted: Fri Mar 11, 2005 8:53 pm Post subject: |
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I have a variation on Niteowl's joke, which is to do with english football:
A Liverpool fan is walking along a beach, when he sees an old bottle. He picks it up, and takes out the cork. Out pops a genie who says:
"I am the football genie. I grant 3 wishes, and everything you wish for wish for, you shall get, but every Manchester United fan will get twice what you wish for."
"Fair enough", says the man. "I wish for 1 million quid".
"You understand that every one of the scum will receive 2 million?"
"Yep, I can live with that"
And, lo and behold, there appears a case of 50 notes.
"Now I wish for Liverpool to win the European Cup for 10 years running"
"You understand that this means Manchester United will win the Cup 20 years running?"
"Yep, I can live with that"
And, lo and behold, there appears a sports almanac from the year 2050 showing the English dominance of the European Cup.
"Final wish"
After some thought the Liverpool fan replies:
"I'd like to give a kidney transplant......" |
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| Posted: Sat Mar 12, 2005 11:48 pm Post subject: |
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A brunette was jogging down the street saying "66, 66, 66, 66, 66..." over and over and over. A Blond comes jogging up next to her (The Brunette) and asks "What are you doing?"; the brunette ignored her and kept saying "66, 66, 66, 66..." so the blond went across the street and jogged parallel to the brunette saying "66, 66, 66, 66, 66...".
A little later the brunette called across to the blond and said "It's more fun in the middle of the road, you know!" So the blond went to the middle of the road still saying "66, 66, 66, 66...". just then, a truck came by and ran over the blond. The brunette smiled and said "67, 67, 67, 67, 67, 67...."
One of my favourite blond jokes 
Here's a funny picture:
Just one, I've got a few favourites, but I'll post the best one in a few mins (gotta go through my pictures folder to find it!) |
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Firestarter
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| Posted: Sat Mar 12, 2005 11:52 pm Post subject: |
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Here's a French one:
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and if you promise to stay conscious
i will try and do the same
yeah, we might die from medication
but we sure killed all the pain |
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electricbluemonkey
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| Posted: Sat Mar 12, 2005 11:58 pm Post subject: |
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| Hehehe, why is it that for the last 2 days or so I've heard so much about you and france? Nice picture, by the way. |
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Meshugenah
plays with squirrels
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| Posted: Sun Mar 13, 2005 12:45 am Post subject: |
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| that is great. white flag... hehe |
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electricbluemonkey
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| Posted: Sat Apr 23, 2005 10:57 pm Post subject: |
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| Is a Swiss Army Knife really that big, and brings all that stuff? Imagine the possibilities... |
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Dargquon Ql'deleodna
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| Posted: Sun Apr 24, 2005 2:41 am Post subject: |
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i have some dumb blond jokes(kinda weird, im a blond )heres one of them, if you want more say i, if no more say nay
3 men are in prison and they are going to get electrecuted, there is a blond, a auburn fan(doesnthave to be auburn)
and an alabama fan(the names are just how i hear it). the auburn fan is up first.
gaurd:any last words?
af:war eagle!!!
gaurd: ok
he pulls the switch, nothing happens
gaurd:okkkkk, your free to go
the alabama fan is next
gaurd: any last words?
af:roooool tide!!!
gaurd:ok
he pulls the swich, nothing happens
gaurd:oookkkkkkk, your free to go
finally the dumb blond is up
gaurd: any last words?
blond:it's unpluged............
another one
this is sorta like a previous joke
a brunette is jumping up and down over a manhole cover saying :3621,3621,3621....
a blond come along and asks:what are you doin
the brunette tell her that it is fun and she should try it, so the blond does it:3621,3621,3621.....
the brunette tell her to jump higher, because it is more fun so she does it. the brunette quickly darts underneath the blond, pull the manhole cover out from under the blond and the blond falls in the sewers. the brunette quickly replaces the cover she starst jumping ontop again:3622,3622,3622...... |
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Happy Lizard
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| Posted: Thu May 05, 2005 7:19 am Post subject: |
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A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are driving in the desert when their car breaks down. They decide to walk to the nearest town. The brunette says: "I'll take the sandwitches we packed for our picnic in case we get hungry" and takes the sandwitches out of the car. The redhead says: "I'll take the water that we packed for our picnic in case we get thirsty" and takes the water out of the car. The blonde pulls the car door off and says: "I'll take the car door so if we get hot we can wind down the window.
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are stranded on an island. They decide to swim to the island which had people living on it and wasn't far. The brunette swam a quater of the way and drowned. The redhead swam half the way and got eaten by a shark. The blonde swam 3 quaters of the way, got tired, and swam back.
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are watching the 10:30 news and are betting to see if the man on the news is gonna jump off a cliff. They all agree that he is going to jump. The brunette says: "Oh, I cheated, I saw it on the 4:30 news." THe redhead says: "I cheated to, I saw it on the 7:00 news." Then blonde says: "Strange ... he jumped twice in one day.
An Australian, an American and a Scotsman are in a room and there are men outside waiting to shoot them. The Australian ran outside and cried out: "AVALANCHE!!!!!" All the men turned and the Australian ran away. The scotsman ran outside and cried out: "EARTHQUAKE!!!" All the men turned and the Scotsman ran away. The American ran outside and cried out: "FIRE!! All the men immediatly shot him.
I don't know if anyone has already said these jokes cos i didn't read the rest ... Oh and no offence all you Americans with that last one. |
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Dargquon Ql'deleodna
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| Posted: Thu May 05, 2005 8:55 pm Post subject: |
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| its ok those were good..... |
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Elelel
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| Posted: Mon May 09, 2005 8:02 am Post subject: |
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Q: What is big, has a trunk and likes peanuts?
A: A squirrel in a oak tree.
Q: What is grey, has a trunk and likes peanuts?
A: An elephant
Q: What is grey, has big ears and a trunk?
A: A mouse going on a sea voyage.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!! They're not really funny to anyone but whoever tells them ... then they're pretty funny.
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Why did the mouse cross the road?
It was stapeled to a chicken.
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LOL!!!! And the one with the girl falling out of the tree cos she has no arms ... FUNNY!!! (I have such a weird sense of humour.)
*sigh* I love jokes. |
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