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thunder_dude7
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 Posted: Thu May 15, 2008 11:04 pm Post subject: New idea |
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OK, I was suddenly inspired while I was going through the threads in the fatasy fools usergroup, and I came across a thread explaining things about elves, when I came up with an awesome idea.
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It starts out when a wind elf(basically, and elf with wings) is born. However, because his father is a water elf, the baby is deemed "genetically unclean" and he is placed in a basket and pushed out into the ocean, without even letting his mother see or name him. She does, however, drop a locket into the basket with him.
The nameless elf washes up nearby, taken in by a community of normal elves, and named Scarper, which means "lost". He grows up here, knowing that he is different, and that he was found somewhere around the forest.
Curiosity takes over, and he sneaks into the wind elf city. He fails to blend in, because he is half water elf, and his attempt to discover his story is halted. He finds a lead when he manages to check cases of births while he was on his way out of the jail. He discovers what happened to him and decides to return to his foster villiage.
When he rerturns, he tells this to his foster mother, and she tells him to find his mother. Scarper agrees and sets out in search of her. He knew from what he found out at the jail where his mother lives, so he goes to her house and explains everything. She is shocked, and doesn't believe him until he presents her with the locket she left with him when he was banished. From her, he learns all of the details of his story, and rage explodes towards the leader of the city. Scarper's mother decides to help him and secretly teaches him the wind elf's techniques in battle. He also learns wood elf techniques from the villiage he geq up in.
He decides that it is nessesary to learn everything possible, so he sets out to find his father. He knows that he likely settled down in the villiage about ten miles out to sea, and finds the villiage. It is now that he learns that he can breathe underwater. He searches the villiage, and based on what his mother told him, finds his father.
Scarper's father teaches him water elves' style of combat, and Scarper finally leaves to battle the leader of the wind villiage. The leader doesn't believe him when he says that he is the child that was banished, and the battle ensues.
After a while, the leader traps Scarper and tries to kill him, only to be met with a strange shield of energy. Scarper, while the leader fliches, manages to kill him.
It is after he manages to escape that he learns that the field was yet another genetic "defect" in him, a sign that he is part fire elf. However, there is no sign of a fire elf, or even a part fire elf, in his family tree. Confused, he returns to the wood villiage, only to find that it is under attack from the wind villiage. He manages to evacuate some children and his foster parents, but the rest of the villiage is destroyed. He takes them to the water villiage, and promises to return.
He flies away, knowing his next goal - finding out where he gets this fire energy from.
***
That has got to be the longest plot summary I've ever written. Well, what do you think? |
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Leahweird
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| Posted: Fri May 16, 2008 12:51 am Post subject: |
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I just had to check this out. It's true that the plot does follow the basic mythical pattern, but I find the best works still do. The only concern I have, is that it would be hard for the biological mother to get a locket to him without ever seeing him. I'm sure that will be worked out in time however.
On another note, you have just justified my post. I knew there would be a use for it somewhere! HAZAH! |
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thunder_dude7
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| Posted: Fri May 16, 2008 12:58 am Post subject: |
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Hehe. Whoops. Didn't think about the locket thing. I'll have to switch that up a bit.
See? Your thread was useful! Doesn't accomplishing something feel good? |
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khfan890
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| Posted: Fri May 16, 2008 1:04 am Post subject: |
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| It starts out when a wind elf(basically, and elf with wings) is born. However, because his father is a water elf, the baby is deemed "genetically unclean" and he is placed in a basket and pushed out into the ocean, without even letting his mother see or name him. She does, however, drop a locket into the basket with him. |
This part was interesting, and then from there it just got kind of...blah. Not boring, but it didn't sound interesting, either. Maybe it's just the lack of conflict until the end that makes it seem that way, I think. A whole story of one person trying to find out where he comes from and stuff just doesn't seem interesting. And it seems as if it could get pretty long.
I'm not saying don't do it. What I am saying is create some kind of serious conflict in there besides "evil ruler of city, elf hates him, elf kills him". It also seems like you came up with the idea of the fire shield thing just to add a sequel, but that could just be me.
Again, I'm not trying to tear this down, only to say that you really need conflict, and you would have to think this through to make it interesting. Good luck with whatever you do! |
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thunder_dude7
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| Posted: Fri May 16, 2008 10:54 am Post subject: |
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Hmm...thanks. Your right, it could get boring without actual conflict.
As for the fire shield thing, I came up with an idea to expand it into a series, and that just sort of...fit in.
I'll try and think of some other conflict...
Oh! How about this!
Scarper, when speaking to his mother, is overheard and captured. While in jail, he has a curse set on him that will kill him in three months. However, he manages to escape from jail, but the curse is still active. His mother explains that, by killing the leader, he can break the curse. With the combined reasons of the curse and his hate, he trains to kill him, and then we come back to what I said earlier. |
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Squishy
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| Posted: Sun May 18, 2008 12:58 am Post subject: |
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its a Moses-Gattaca (a good movie I've seen), classic find-who-i-am- book
if you want it to work, you'll have to seriously try hard to keep it from getting cliche
but you can do it! |
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thunder_dude7
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| Posted: Sun May 18, 2008 2:22 am Post subject: |
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That's true as well. You just made me think of the Bourne Identity series...I'll do what I can to try and avoid that.
I think this is turning out a lot like The Elements...it has a number of cliche elements, but I combine them with each other and my own ideas to make the story as a whole original.
I'll try and avoid the cliche you mentioned. I just need that one thing that just makes a story shine...oh, just came up with an idea! But I won't talk about it here. It's one of those things I want to surprise people with. |
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khfan890
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| Posted: Sun May 18, 2008 6:35 pm Post subject: |
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| Scarper, when speaking to his mother, is overheard and captured. While in jail, he has a curse set on him that will kill him in three months. However, he manages to escape from jail, but the curse is still active. His mother explains that, by killing the leader, he can break the curse. With the combined reasons of the curse and his hate, he trains to kill him, and then we come back to what I said earlier. |
It's a little bit better. At least it gives some kind of reason to kill the leader besides the fact that they don't like him, but I would think the curse would have to be somehow linked to the leader in the first place. Think it through. It's sometimes hard, but the answers will always come to you when you least expect it. |
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thunder_dude7
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| Posted: Mon May 19, 2008 10:34 pm Post subject: |
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I've come up with some more ideas.
First, some of his peers make fun of him for his strange mix of types, and he finally decides to go to the wind village and live there. While he's there, he is arrested. When he claims that he is the child that was banished, his mother comes to see him. They talk about that, and he is then cursed and such.
I think that will move it even further away from the "find who I am" cliche.
Also, another modification:
The locket that his mother managed to throw to the basket he was a simple set of wings. However, as he matured, features of a water elf come out, and a drop of water is added to the locket. When the fire shield comes about, the wings are sown burning. |
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khfan890
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| Posted: Mon May 19, 2008 11:28 pm Post subject: |
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| Now I think it's getting better. Just go with what you've got and the rest will come to you. |
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| Posted: Thu May 22, 2008 10:13 pm Post subject: |
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Here's some advice as a writer. Conflict, conflict, conflict. Trust me. Also, an ancient riddle or somesuch thing, to add to the story, so it's not just him finding out who he is, which sorta gets answered early on, except for the fire part. Maybe he could find the riddle (or somesuch thing) and that leads him to find out he was adopted, etc, etc, etc?
Okay, now I'm going to ask some *maybe useless* questions as a reader. Does Scarper have siblings? What happens after he kills the leader of the wind village? And how can he have fire, when he doesn't actually have any fire elf reletives?
All in all, I think it's a good, if not great, storyline. Let all of us here at YWS know when it's published. |
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