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Leja
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 Posted: Thu May 15, 2008 5:37 pm Post subject: Thoughts on Global Warming in a Snow Globe |
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George kicked the sink lever. Thanks a lot, George.
and now cylindrical rushes of wastewater stream out to people below, but they just go ahead. Somehow they ignore these water pipes that pipe roots
and waste and back taxes, this second half-of-a-halved root system. Jenny and Johnny build up the tree: Jenny a handrail from Johnny to George and Johnny a greenhouse glass to fit over all of them with only the tree for air and the sink for water.
Good thing students are already wearing their greenhouse glasses with lab coats, bright and crisp for the deflating dampness of the air that day, and that they’re unaware that each orienting step brings them a little closer to the root of it all. Since no one’s ever reached the drip pan, up—the new down—is the only way to go.
Someday someone will want to know how to get out.
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a/n: As a prose poem, did I pull this off in any form whatsoever? |
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adeleay
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| Posted: Fri May 16, 2008 8:56 am Post subject: |
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I think this would be a good extended poem.
[quote]a greenhouse glass to fit over all of them with only the tree for air and the sink for water.[/quote]
I thought that was good because it represents how the human population are damaging their own surroundings. The tree and the sink also represent how modern humans seem to view danger and lack of resources as insignificant
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Gahks
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| Posted: Fri May 16, 2008 9:41 am Post subject: |
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Prose poem?! Never heard of the term before... will look up... do you mean blank verse?
Anyway, some really great images of entrapment and claustrophobia. Since I am unfamiliar with the genre, if this were proper blank verse it might look more attractive.
I found the "Thanks a lot, George" somewhat irritating. Perhaps you could also separate "system" and "Jenny" to make it clearer that this is a new idea.
It was original, though; not bad.
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Eimear
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| Posted: Sat May 17, 2008 2:50 pm Post subject: |
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Powerful. Took me a couple of reads to understand it properly, which is always a good thing in my book.
And good on you for writing about a topical issue. A lot of people use the same well worn concepts and try, (and fail) to put their own unique spin on it. This one was in a class of it's own, and it really touched me.
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| George kicked the sink lever. Thanks a lot, George |
Is this a reference to the president? It worked well, If that's what it is.
I liked; hoped I got the bit with the students in the labcoats enough to think it was great.
The ending makes it
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| Someday someone will want to know how to get out. |
The imagery of the snow globe is supberb.
Best wishes,
Eimear |
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Leja
Slightly more inclined to writing than previously
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| Posted: Mon May 19, 2008 6:47 pm Post subject: |
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| I found the "Thanks a lot, George" somewhat irritating. Perhaps you could also separate "system" and "Jenny" to make it clearer that this is a new idea. |
Yeah, I'll definitely take another look at the names ^_^
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| Is this a reference to the president? It worked well, If that's what it is. |
lol, political references of any sort are not my forte, and I didn't intend for this to be political. George just happened to be the first name I thought of!
Thanks you three! |
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