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This thread was created on March 10, 2008
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The Monster Goto page Previous 1, 2
Topic ID: 26991
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lakegirls
Senior Writer
Gender: 
Age: 15
Joined: 15 Jan 2008
Posts: 244
Reviews: 81
Country: Newfoundland
300 Points
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 Posted: Mon Mar 31, 2008 12:04 am Post subject: |
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Hi,
Your story was cute. I really liked it. It was a nice short read. Are you going to continue with it?
I have an idea, you don't have to use it if you don't like. It is pretty stupid come to think of it. What if you wrote it so it was more like a child's writing? Like have errors in the writing and not use so many big words. It's just a suggestion. I love your story and you should keep it this way but it would be cool if it was more child like.
Love,
N |
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"Writing is the only thing that, when I do it, I don't feel I should be doing something else."- Gloria Steinem
www.lakegirls.piczo.com |
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Talking_Pinata
Senior Writer
Gender:
Age: 16
Joined: 31 Dec 2007
Posts: 247
Reviews: 86
300 Points
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| Posted: Sat Apr 19, 2008 2:14 am Post subject: |
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Once again. I COMPLETELY disagree with the suggestion to make the voice less sophisticated. Children's logic and ideas far surpass us, but they have trouble finding the words to make their ideas known. So, they make up ideas and words, but if they were to describe them in a more sophisticated tone, everyone would see the genius in them. Lets replace the childish tone and get a more sophisticated tone, and suddenly we realize just how intense the fear of monsters is for children.
Brilliant work, I repeat. |
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Livinginfantasy
YAY Violence!
Novelist
Gender:
Age: 15
Joined: 19 Mar 2008
Posts: 415
Reviews: 174
Country: Fantasy... DUH
350 Points
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| Posted: Sat May 03, 2008 8:09 pm Post subject: |
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Characterization. I felt that was the biggest flaw in this piece. It was very nice I must say, but coming from a five year old? If this was a flashback I'd understand, but I bet that even Einstein didn't have vocabulary this developed when he was nothing but a small child.
Now, on to what I liked. The imagery, A+. The descriptions, phenomenal. The plot, wicked! I liked this alot. You'll be getting a gold star from me. Oh, and I look phenomenal to reading this when you've cleaned it up a bit.
Thanks for the read! |
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Talking_Pinata
Senior Writer
Gender:
Age: 16
Joined: 31 Dec 2007
Posts: 247
Reviews: 86
300 Points
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| Posted: Sun May 18, 2008 8:05 pm Post subject: |
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Haha. I just have to. I just HAVE to point out that Einstein wasn't a genius in english AT ALL. EVER. XD I found that comment hilarious. Sorry if I offend.
I kind of get what the people are getting at now, but I still disagree with it. Sorry. I swear I'm not leeching off your story just to get more points, I actually came back to read it and see if they were right.
I think it gives the reader a feeling that the child has some complex insightfulness (is that a word) on the subject. The vocabulary just gives me that feeling. So, once again, I disagree with the other comments. |
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| This thread was created on March 10, 2008 |
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