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by Lulu|Luck in Lyric Poetry |
This thread was created on May 16, 2008
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Topic ID: 30296
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shelley
New Member
Gender: 
Age: 13
Joined: 16 May 2008
Posts: 2
Reviews: 0
300 Points
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 Posted: Fri May 16, 2008 3:57 pm Post subject: Emo love <3 |
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As i lay on this bed i feel a cold presence
A ghostly spirit a dead silence
I open my eyes to see nothing but darkness.
The pain runs through my veins
So sad no one understands my distress
Tears run down my cheeks as i dream of him
Why can't he love me the way i love him.
He makes me smile makes me laugh
Can't think of anything i would do to hurt him
All these kids saying emo freak emo freak
When i think of him nothing else matters.
Why do people decisive other peoples style
There are Chavez emo's Goths punk's so much more
Why can't i live to be what i want to be
Without people shouting names and hurtful comments. |
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XxXSerenityStillXxX
Why So Serious!! Lets Put a Smile On This Face :D
Novelist
Gender:
Age: 13
Joined: 28 Mar 2008
Posts: 377
Reviews: 14
Country: 30 seconds away from mars :P
38 Points
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| Posted: Fri May 16, 2008 5:07 pm Post subject: |
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omg that is so good  I have felt this way before. |
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Aet Lindling
Now go away, or I shall taunt ye a second time!
Speaker of the Forum
Gender: 
Age: 100
Joined: 26 Feb 2007
Posts: 689
Reviews: 129
Country: Cool, an extra Custom Title!
360 Points
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| Posted: Fri May 16, 2008 5:18 pm Post subject: |
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Whooooooa. First of all, shelley, didn't you read the rules? You need to review two things before you post something. So, go do that now. Also, XxXSerenityStillXxX, you've done 2 reviews and posted 4 things. By the 2:1 ratio rule, you need to go critique 6 things now. Don't worry, it gets easier as you go along. I have about an 11:1 ratio at this point. 
I'll crit this when you've critted. |
_________________
This werecat is named Solembum. Let us look at the name of this cat. Solembum. Solemn bum. Serious Ass. Yes. The cat's name is Serious Ass.
"Oh! Is that some kind of special lock pick that you're going to use to pick the lock? What is that?" |
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ambercoultis
at her home away from home
Master of the Forum
Gender:
Age: 13
Joined: 29 Mar 2008
Posts: 1823
Reviews: 103
Country: Misery of the USA(Missouri)
10 Points
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| Posted: Fri May 16, 2008 5:21 pm Post subject: Re: Emo love <3 |
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{ reright a little}As [/i]I lay on this bed I feel a cold presence
A ghostly spirit,
A dead silence
I open my eyes to see nothing but darkness.
The pain runs through my veins
So sad no one understands my distress
Tears run down my cheeks as [i]I dream of him
Why can't he love me the way I love him.
He makes me smile,
Makes me laugh
Can't think of anything I would do to hurt him
All these kids saying 'Emo freak. Emo freak.'
When I think of him nothing else matters.
Why do people *decisive*(you sure that's what you ment ot put?) other peoples style
There are Chavez emo's Goths punk's so much more
Why can't I live to be what I want to be
Without people shouting names and hurtful comments
Pritty good other than htat.  |
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| This thread was created on May 16, 2008 |
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