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A Penny for Your Thoughts...
A Penny for Your Thoughts...

by Goldenheart in Other Poetry
Young Writers Society Forum Index » Other Poetry

This thread was created on May 8, 2008
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three haiku and a not haiku
Topic ID: 29906
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scissorquiz   View This User's Portfolio
Junior Writer

11
Gender: Gender:Male
Age: 20
Joined: 26 Jan 2005
Posts: 43
Reviews: 11

300 Points

PostPosted: Thu May 08, 2008 10:32 am    Post subject: three haiku and a not haiku Reply with quote

gulp



sometimes i feel like

the world opened it's big mouth

and swallowed me whole





show



you scream in my face

because i screamed in your face

love each other so





beer



let's drink it quickly

it's no good when it gets warm

and i need help soon





mountain



the sheer mountain face,

perpetually to my right as we

wind wind wind to the summit,

shows drill marks and blast lines.



quarter acres graded flat,

spread with straw, and

held down with lengths of string.

obscene bandages.



can't help but feel guilt

as i ponder the scars

left from a battle

that allowed me to be here.

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timjim77   View This User's Portfolio
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Age: 17
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593 Points

PostPosted: Mon May 12, 2008 1:57 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I like 'beer'.

The non-haiku poem is wonderful. I love "wind wind wind to the summit" and "obscene bandages". The powerful brevity of the poem gives it immense appeal. Wonderful work.
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midnightsun   View This User's Portfolio
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Joined: 12 Apr 2008
Posts: 4
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300 Points

PostPosted: Tue May 13, 2008 9:17 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

"glup" is my favorite out of the three, put it was a hard choice. As for the mountain, I also thought that it was written well and completely agree with timjim77.
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This thread was created on May 8, 2008

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