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This thread was created on May 8, 2008
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Topic ID: 29906
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scissorquiz
Junior Writer
 Gender:  Age: 20 Joined: 26 Jan 2005 Posts: 43 Reviews: 11
300 Points
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Posted: Thu May 08, 2008 10:32 am Post subject: three haiku and a not haiku |
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gulp
sometimes i feel like
the world opened it's big mouth
and swallowed me whole
show
you scream in my face
because i screamed in your face
love each other so
beer
let's drink it quickly
it's no good when it gets warm
and i need help soon
mountain
the sheer mountain face,
perpetually to my right as we
wind wind wind to the summit,
shows drill marks and blast lines.
quarter acres graded flat,
spread with straw, and
held down with lengths of string.
obscene bandages.
can't help but feel guilt
as i ponder the scars
left from a battle
that allowed me to be here. |
_________________ no future |
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timjim77
Novelist

Age: 17 Joined: 24 Sep 2005 Posts: 311 Reviews: 207
593 Points
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Posted: Mon May 12, 2008 1:57 am Post subject: |
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I like 'beer'.
The non-haiku poem is wonderful. I love "wind wind wind to the summit" and "obscene bandages". The powerful brevity of the poem gives it immense appeal. Wonderful work. |
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midnightsun
New Member

Gender:  Age: 15 Joined: 12 Apr 2008 Posts: 4 Reviews: 1
300 Points
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Posted: Tue May 13, 2008 9:17 pm Post subject: |
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| "glup" is my favorite out of the three, put it was a hard choice. As for the mountain, I also thought that it was written well and completely agree with timjim77. |
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| This thread was created on May 8, 2008 |
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