Part One
June 26, 2006: Robin
The way his head slammed against the wall shook the two onlookers. It cracked loudly but he didn’t acknowledge the pain. That’s what scared them. They weren’t really onlookers. The hardest fact to bear was that they knew him. He was a brother to one and a friend of the other. They were the ones responsible for holding him down.
But still, he continued to struggle. His teeth gnashed together as he grunted. Their grip tightened and his nostrils flared. They weren’t trying to hurt him. They were trying to stop him from hurting them. They had raised him and this is what he had become. For a moment he seemed barely human as he cried out and let his muscles twist beneath them.
Soon the only sound that filled the room was his rough breathing. The back of his head hit the wall once more and he grew still. Tentatively they eased up on him; both were panting hard with their heartbeats echoing in their ears. Their bodies stood rigid as they watched him slump to the floor. Then it was just the two of them.
Neither of them even tried to gain the other’s eye contact. Both of them just stared ahead as if the other were invisible. Hours later, long after the police had come and gone, they both went their own way. But he was the bridge between them. And even though they would try to focus on something—anything else, this memory of him was reoccurring. This was his lasting image.
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Author's Note: This is more like an intro to the story (considering it's length). It's not the complete story. This is all I have so far.
Overall this is definately a brilliant introduction, I can't wait to read more.
You had a very mysterious conflict going on here and you did a nice job drawing the reader into the story. Sorry I can't give you a longer review but I couldn't see any errors (so I guess that is a good thing! 
)
