This is something that actually happened to me last Saturday...

It was Saturday afternoon in the quiet city of Hillsdale, and I was, like most of the time, bored as hell. Now folks, everyone knows that boredom, plus gasoline, plus a lighter, makes a big boom. Well, I have now experienced this firsthand.

I was supposed to be cleaning the kitchen, if I had been, this never would have happened, but I wasn’t, and I didn’t, instead, I took a lighter, and attempted to light an empty macaroni and cheese box on fire. It didn’t work, it kept going out.

So I look around, and there, not a yard away from me, sitting next to my red-brick house... was a can of gasoline.

So being me, I decided to see what I could blow up with it... I took an empty water gallon-jug, and filled it halfway with gasoline, then I took a rag, and soaked it in gasoline, the idea was to make it a fuse. Well, I stuffed the rag into the top of the water-jug, and took the lighter, and lit it.

Now when I had been soaking the rag, I happened to get a fair amount of gasoline on the ground around the water jug. When I lit it, I expected the rag to light, and give me enough time to get out of the way, to safety. But the gas on the ground wasn’t having any of this. It went boom, and about a two square yard section of my backyard burst into flame. Well, after a moment, most of it burnt down. But the gasoline jug was still burning, the fire just sitting on top of the jug. So I decided I might as well put it out before I got caught.

I looked around again to see what I could use to put it out, and I say a bag of mulch-woodchips. Well, it was like a forty pound bag, I figured it would do the trick. Wrong. I was way wrong.

Being that this bag of mulch was several years old, and the wood was seasoned, it was lighter than I thought. And when I tossed it on top of the burning gas, it burst into flame, managing to splash the gasoline everywhere

Oh shit, I thought, imp fucked.

I attempt to put out what I can by moving the mulch around, this only succeeded in spreading the fire out. Then I tried stamping it out, this also did not work, so finally most of it burned out, and I used a board to smack out the rest of it, and the fire was out, I was safe... or so I thought.

I look around, and a huge patch of my yard is scorched black... imp going to be in SO much trouble, I think

but luck was with me, and several bags of leaves that had been raked up are stacked close by, so I take one of these, and spread it around, successfully covering the burnt area... now I can only hope no-one notices.

**this is a true story, and if you don’t believe me, you can come to my house and ill show you the evidence (unless you live too far away) **