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This thread was created on April 14, 2008
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Topic ID: 28828
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SimonCowellLuver
Novelist

 Gender:  Age: 15 Joined: 22 Dec 2007 Posts: 271 Reviews: 112 Country: It is somewhere i can relax and enjoy my life. 300 Points
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Posted: Mon Apr 14, 2008 10:57 pm Post subject: Alone |
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You start off with friends,
then your group keeps on getting;
smaller and smaller every year.
Soon you will be alone.
Have you ever been lost?
You don't know if you ever will fit in.
Well try your best to keep on trying,
if not you will be alone for the rest of your school year.
I got some friends,
but not many.
I really enjoy talking with them because,
they are all i have.
My friends are sweet and very friendly.
They cheer me up when i need cheering.
My friends are there for me but when i am at school,
its like they don't want to talk to me.
Maybe because they are in a higher grade,
or they just might be using me.
If they are doing things like that i rather be alone.
So that is how it will stay.
So if you ever need me.
If you need help.
Get some one else.
I just want to be alone. |
_________________ No Amount of therapy
will ever make this
moment OK. |
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blacktiger3915
It's the eye of the tiger! Speaker of the Forum

 Gender:  Age: 17 Joined: 26 Nov 2007 Posts: 730 Reviews: 270 Country: Atlanta,GA USA 300 Points
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Posted: Tue Apr 15, 2008 4:20 pm Post subject: Re: Alone |
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| SimonCowellLuver wrote: |
You start off with friends,
then your group keeps on getting; (Why the colon?)
smaller and smaller every year.
Soon you will be alone.
Have you ever been lost?
You don't know if you ever will fit in.
Well try your best to keep on trying,
if not you will be alone for the rest of your school year. (Capitalize if.)
I got some friends, (I have some friends)
but not many.
I really enjoy talking with them because,
they are all i have. (I)
My friends are sweet and very friendly.
They cheer me up when i need cheering. (I)
My friends are there for me but when i am at school, (I)
its like they don't want to talk to me.
Maybe because they are in a higher grade,
or they just might be using me.
If they are doing things like that i rather be alone. (I)
So that is how it will stay.
So if you ever need me.
If you need help. (comma not period)
Get some one else.
I just want to be alone. |
I think you have something good going on here, but I think you need to revise this. Anyway, best wishes. |
_________________ Don't send sheep to kill a wolf. |
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God
Senior Writer

 Gender:  Age: 17 Joined: 04 Apr 2008 Posts: 177 Reviews: 44 Country: U.S.A. 300 Points
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Posted: Tue Apr 15, 2008 4:38 pm Post subject: |
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| i like the idea, it presents an interesting question... not sure what though. but it needs more poetry to it, instead of just reciting... i dont know, im probably wrong, but thats what i think. |
_________________ "An eye for an eye only ends up making the whole world blind."
-Gandhi |
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| This thread was created on April 14, 2008 |
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