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smorgishborg
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 Posted: Thu Nov 22, 2007 3:38 am Post subject: Infinite Monkeys on Infinite Typewriters |
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I had some fun with this one. 
EDIT: On Gadi's advice, I've gone through and taken out several onerous stage directions.
Infinite Monkeys on Infinite Typewriters
Barren stage.
Mr. Catarrhini, dressed in shabby clothing wanders onstage from the left. He stops and speaks to nobody in particular, to the audience.
Catarrhini: Nobody understands. I coulda had cash. I coulda been a visionary. I coulda been somebody, instead of a bum, which is what I am. It was me.
He continues his walk across the stage. As he nears center, Mr. Odontoceti walks hurriedly across the stage from right, head down, and almost bumps into Mr. Catarrhini.
Odontoceti: Sorry. (He doesn’t stop.)
Catarrhini: Albert?
Odontoceti: I’m sorry? (Stops and turns.)
Catarrhini: Albert! It is you! What a sight for sore eyes! (He holds his hands open as if expecting a hug)
Odontoceti: (unenthusiastically) Martin… How… (recovering) How are you? (He doesn’t budge)
Catarrhini: (drops his hands) I’m fine, how are you? Long time, no see! (He takes a step towards Odontoceti, who still doesn’t move)
Odontoceti: Yeah, yeah I regret that. Our… our lives have taken different paths have they not?
Catarrhini: Yes they have. Why don’t you join me for a cup of coffee or something?
Odontoceti: (blatantly groping for an excuse) I’d really love to, but I’ve gotta run…
Catarrhini: Nonsense! (walks toward Odontoceti and slaps him on the back) It’s Saturday, you can’t be that busy.
Odontoceti: (clearly uncomfortable with the notion, but seeing no other opportunity) Well, why not? I guess I can make time… to… catch up.
Both cross to stage right, where two bar stools, and a counter are set up. They seat themselves.
Catarrhini: What can I get you?
Odontoceti: (unhappily) Whichever has the longest, latin-sounding name.
Catarrhini: (chuckles) Sure.
Catarrhini disappears offstage, and returns several moments later holding two cardboard cups of coffee. He places one up in front of Odontoceti, and the other at his place. He sits and both sip. There is a silence as each waits for the other to say something.
Odontoceti: So… What have you been up to?
Catarrhini: Oh, I’m still with the collective.
Odontoceti: (does one of those things where the person is so surprised they spit their coffee back into their cup (or all over the floor, but not in this case)) You’re still with the collective? Forgive me for saying, but I thought that folded years ago.
Catarrhini: It was about to. But then in the 11th hour we got a new backer, and we got a new place which the monkeys seemed to take a liking to. It’s been steadily getting better ever since. You know, some of them a really getting into their typewriters!
Odontoceti: (a bit contemptuously) The monkeys I assume.
Catarrhini: Yeah, the monkeys. We knew we had turned the corner when on the first day at the new place, we got the first word.
Odontoceti: What was the first word?
Catarrhini: (proudly) Oh, it was “poo”. We framed that manuscript.
Odontoceti: (sarcastically) Oh, did you now?
Catarrhini: Well, then we started getting sentences once in a blue moon. Then we knew we were so close!
Odontoceti: (almost genuinely interested)And so, how far along are you? Hamlet produced yet?
Catarrhini: (suddenly deflated) No. You see, our new backer… well, she was an old rich lady. And… she died actually. So we’re in a bit of financial trouble right now.
Odontoceti: That’s… that’s disappointing.
Catarrhini: Yeah… I just don’t know where we’ll find the money this time.
Odontoceti: (sensing a trap) Well, I’m afraid I don’t…
Catarrhini: (waves him off) Oh, don’t you worry about it. I’d never ask an old friend like you for money…
Long pause. More sips of coffee.
Catarrhini: So, what are you doing now?
Odontoceti: (relieved to be talking of something else) I’m in the theater business.
Catarrhini: Oh, that’s nice.
Odontoceti: Yeah, I produce a couple of shows each year. Off-Broadway and such. It’s pretty interesting, you read a lot of good stuff, and it pays well…
Catarrhini: How’d you get into shows? I thought you were in theme parks.
Odontoceti: Well, I was. But I came to New York one day, and I ended up sitting on the train with Max Bialystock, you know, the producer! Well, we had a long talk about his business, and I was having some trouble with mine. Long story short, he ended up offering me a job, managing a theater of his. I got hooked, what can I say? It seemed like my calling.
Catarrhini: (it’s debatable as to how much of Odontoceti description he has heard) What luck you had.
Odontoceti: Yeah, you’re right. It was pretty lucky, now that you mention it.
Another long pause and, (you guessed it,) more coffee.
Then, Catarrhini’s cell phone rings. He answers:
Catarrhini: Hello? (listens) George? What’s going on? (listens) You got what?
Increasing excitement with each question.
Catarrhini: Are you kidding me? How much? (listens) 4 pages? (listens) I… can’t… believe it!
Odontoceti: What is it?
Catarrhini: (delirious with excitement) I CAN’T BELIEVE IT! Incredible! This is fantastic! I’ll be over right away! (shuts phone) THEY WROTE IT!
Odontoceti: Who?
Catarrhini: THE MONKEYS WROTE A PLAY!
Odontoceti: (in disbelief) They did? I mean really? They can write?
Catarrhini: Not only that, but they wrote a play! A play!
Odontoceti: Is it good? I mean, that’s…
Catarrhini: (honestly) George says it’s decent. But it’s only four pages. A play! My god, a full blown play!
Odontoceti: (a bit skeptically) Do you mind if I come with you and see it?
Catarrhini: Absolutely not! Come along and bring the media! If we can get publicity for this, it we can get this in the papers. Why, we’ll get backers alright! We’ll get backers in the hundreds! They’ll be lining up at our door waving money at us! This is incredible!
Odontoceti: (modestly) Perhaps, if you got this play produced...
Catarrhini: Oh, I don’t know about that, it’s only their first attempt! But, eventually, eventually they’ll come up with something good.
Odontoceti: Martin! If these monkeys really can write. If they really can put together a play. Then… I’ll produce it.
Catarrhini: Oh, I wouldn’t ask…
Odontoceti: (lingering discomfort) No. I’d like to produce the first play your monkeys come up with. We’ll call it… repayment. (he stands up and pushes his stool in)
Catarrhini: For what?
Odontoceti: For… for this coffee.
Both turn to face the audience.
Odontoceti: That’s the end of the play ladies and gentlemen! All that you’ve just seen was written by an uncountable amount of monkeys on a ludicrous amount of typewriters. I’m told that as we speak, the playwrights are at work on another masterpiece.
Catarrhini: And please don’t forget to make a donation to the New York Monkey Collective as you leave!...
(as an afterthought) Goodnight!
Fin. |
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Last edited by smorgishborg on Mon May 26, 2008 11:17 pm; edited 6 times in total |
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Icaruss
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| Posted: Thu Nov 22, 2007 5:05 am Post subject: |
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That was good. It was amusing, and enjoyable. I liked the references to "On The Waterfront" and "The Producers". Yeah, I know a lot of movies. Sorry. Anyways, the dialogue was sounded authentic, and it flowed very well. The idea was really funny, and the ending made me chuckle. It's a nice little play.
Keep writing. Congratulations. |
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Rigel
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| Posted: Wed Nov 28, 2007 2:30 am Post subject: |
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Fantastic! Sensational! It'll run for years!
But seriously, it was good. There were a few places where the dialogue seemed unnatural, but hey, what other problems could there be?
Also, I read something like this before. Not exactly the same, you've probably never heard of it, but at least the title reminded me. It's Words, words, words by David Ives. |
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Last edited by Rigel on Fri Dec 14, 2007 9:20 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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Gadi.
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| Posted: Sat Dec 01, 2007 7:21 am Post subject: |
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Awesome!
I loved it!
It was funny--but I liked your other one better. Still, this was the second best script I read on here!
Except you had too much stage direction. It made me feel like you thought I was an idiot. Use it sparingly, only when you think the actor would not understand what to do when they're performing it. |
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MidnightVampire
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| Posted: Tue Mar 04, 2008 1:45 am Post subject: |
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| I thouhgt this was funny, something that you wouldn't see normally. As in a good thing, very creative. I dont know what else to say. |
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summergrl13
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| Posted: Sat Mar 08, 2008 2:46 pm Post subject: |
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| Yeah, monkeys! I guess monkeys can write some pretty good plays;D! I always make this mega-hott monkey at hte end of each comment so here it is; 0(o.o)0 |
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Fandilocks
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| Posted: Sat Apr 12, 2008 6:59 pm Post subject: |
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| First of all--brava! This is a wonderful little play; skillfully written and obviously well thought out. One of the best I've ever read on the site. I laughed aloud at the end, I'll admit, and I combed it for suggestions, but could find nothing. Well done! |
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