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The Last Word
The Last Word

by Gadi. in Lyric Poetry
Young Writers Society Forum Index » Romantic Fiction

This thread was created on April 7, 2008
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Cold Promise (part two)
Cold Promise (part three)
Cold Promise (fourth and final installment)
A world through hazy lenses (part 2)

Cold Promise (part one)
Topic ID: 28453
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deavarna_satina   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Mon Apr 07, 2008 12:44 pm    Post subject: Cold Promise (part one) Reply with quote

A sudden inspiration took me for a short story while I was working. What was meant to be a few pages turned into a bit more... and a bit more... It just felt like it needed more room for a justified telling. So here it is. Part One of my long short story

The land was hidden under a cloak moonless night, still and quiet. There was not even a whisper of wind and the hot, humid air felt stagnant. A light flicked on, like a pinprick in the dark rug that covered Delamere. The light originated in a kitchen of a small house that was positioned on one of the major dairy farms of the isolated town. Evelyn had always had trouble sleeping on hot nights. She filled the kettle with water and set it to boil. She drummed her fingers on the bench top, willing the temperature of the water to rise quicker. Even for a hot night, she was unusually restless. Her head was filled with words and images and her brows were pulled into a worried frown over her deep-blue eyes. She impatiently flicked a strand of honey-blonde hair out of her face.

She had every reason to be anxious as she replayed the events of the past few weeks. It certainly wasn’t normal for such a close-nit town to be in such disarray. Over the last month Delamere had seen more freak incidents and strange occurrences than it had seen over the past decade. It was usually a quiet and uneventful town, Evelyn would even go as far as to call it boring. But Mrs Harrison’s suicide… It wasn’t like her. Evelyn had always liked the chatty librarian. She had seemed so happy and content. And then when Marilyn Campbell and Alan Gretchem had followed suit not a week later, from the same tree… It just wasn’t natural. Not that suicide ever was, but serial suicide even more so. Yet there had been absolutely no signs of any kind of struggle…

And then there was Austen Chaffey’s strange mental break-down. He had gone missing for two days and when he had been found he was completely changed. Didn’t recognize anyone, didn’t interact with anyone. He just rocked backwards and forwards, muttering to himself about eyes and shadows. And to top it all off Evelyn had been plagued by nightmares and a feeling of dread that was growing stronger by the day.

All she wanted to do was go and see Adrian so that he could comfort her and kiss away her worries, but he was acting so distant…

She was jerked out of her thoughts as the kettle started whistling. She quickly took it off of the stove; she didn’t want to wake her parents. The tea warmed her mouth, but failed to dispense of the distinct feeling of ice in her stomach. She switched off the light and wandered back to bed. In the dark her thoughts were even more menacing. The images of her nightmares swirled around her head, growing bigger and bigger until she didn’t have to close her eyes to see them. Her heart was racing as she tried to calm herself. There wasn’t anything standing by the door and that certainly wasn’t a smoky hand slithering onto her bed…

She sat bolt upright and fumbled for the switch on her lamp. Bright light flooded the room, chasing the shadows back out of her door. She shook her head, frustrated with herself. This is ridiculous, I can’t get so worked up over a simple feeling. It’s not like I’m particularly intuitive she thought as she kicked off her covers for another attempt at sleep. But even as she thought this, she decided to leave her light on.

The next time Evelyn opened her eyes, the rays of the sun were breaking into her room. Her neck was stiff and her every limb begged her to stay in bed. But school beckoned. With a yawn that threatened to break her jaw she hurled her fatigued body out of bed.

The feeling of dread traced her footsteps on her way to the bus. The morning was just as warm as the night had been and Evelyn mutely begged for the return of winter. She missed the morning frost. The bus ride was unbearably slow, yet not slow enough. She wanted to arrive at school to find Adrian waiting for her, his hazel eyes alight and his wicked smile in place. But she knew that the end of the bus ride would crush her dream once more. Her heart ached for the Adrian that she had loved since the very moment he had walked into her math class, but he had left her. In his place was a cold and distant stranger, who seemed indifferent to her love for him. Blake Waterman had done this to him. The older boy and his gang of muscle had stolen her sweetheart. Ever since he had started hanging around with them

Her hopes crumpled yet again as she exited the bus to find the stone replica of Adrian waiting for her. His chocolate-brown hair fell about his face in casual disarray, as it always had, and the bright summer sun glinted off of his olive skin. But there were shadows under eyes that had once been vibrant and full of life and her favourite smile was missing from his devastatingly handsome face.

Evelyn smiled timidly at him while her heart threatened to break out of her chest in its longing to be with him. His answering smile came a little too late and it looked almost painful for him. She pecked him on the cheek, wondering idly how long it had been since he had kissed her.

‘Hi, Ev,’ he said blandly. She remembered how he had used to greet her with a bright ‘Good morning sunshine,’ and a sweet kiss that would leave her heart fluttering and lips tingling.

‘Morning Scrappy, how did you sleep?’ Evelyn asked him, her pet-name for him sending a sharp pang of loss through her chest.

‘Fine,’ he replied bluntly as they began to trudge towards class. He looked like he hadn’t slept at all. And he was wearing that blasted necklace again, a silver triangle inside a red circle, the one that always felt faintly warmer than his skin. They had given it to him. Evelyn longed to pull him to her and demand to know what was going on, but the space that seemed to have built between them wouldn’t let her past. They walked in awkward silence.

~*~

The day dragged and Evelyn couldn’t focus. The words that she was meant to be absorbing slipped silently through her mind without leaving a hint of meaning in their wake. She continued to dwell on the events of the month. And on Adrian. She couldn’t help but feel it was all connected. She was so worried about him. And as much as the thought pained her she couldn’t deny it any longer; she was losing him. The chatter of her girlfriends failed to engage her and once or twice she had come back to earth to find that she had been asked a question when she had no idea what the topic of discussion was.

She didn’t see Adrian again until it was time to walk back to the bus. He silently fell into step besides her.

‘I missed you at lunch,’ Evelyn said cautiously.

‘Yeah sorry. I was with the boys,’ he replied in monotone.

She studied his face discreetly. What have they done to you, my love? What is it that you do ‘with the boys’? Drugs? Theft? Vandalism? I just wish you would tell me…

‘Will you come and see me tonight?’ she asked hopefully.

‘Sorry, Ev. I’ve gotta help out Dad.’

‘Oh, okay… Maybe I could come and see you? I don’t mind helping out-’

‘I don’t think that’s such a good idea.’ Adrian stopped abruptly and turned to face her. He looked deep into her eyes and for a moment Evelyn thought she caught a flash of pain underneath his mask, but it was gone before she could be sure.

‘Actually, I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to come round ever again,’ he said in a rush. Evelyn could feel a numbness spreading through her body as the gravity of his words sunk in. No he couldn’t… he promised…

‘Are you… are you breaking up with me?’ she stammered through her horror. There it was again, that flash of pain in his eyes.

‘Yeah… I think it’s for the best,’ he mumbled. Evelyn’s insides seemed to freeze up as the ice that had made it’s home in her gut reached out to take hold of most of her vital organs. She couldn’t get air into her lungs and she felt her vision blurring. Somehow, her heart continued to beat as it was jabbed by what felt like hundreds of frosty pins.

‘You promised me forever,’ she whispered.

‘Yeah… well, things change…,’ he muttered. Evelyn didn’t say anything. She couldn’t make her mouth work.

‘Well I’ve gotta go. See ya,’ Adrian said before turning away from her and leaving her to choke to death.

Evelyn didn’t know how she managed to pull herself onto the bus. She just stumbled into her seat before her strength deserted her.


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Last edited by deavarna_satina on Mon Apr 14, 2008 2:10 am; edited 1 time in total
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Fall_Into_The_Sky   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Mon Apr 07, 2008 6:01 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wow..
I really enjoyed this.
I wonder what's wit Adrian?

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PostPosted: Fri Apr 11, 2008 12:25 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I agree with Fall...Wow.
Haha anyway this was really good!
I love how much discription it has in it!
I can't write that well when it comes to discription but I working at it!
Can't wait to read more!

~Lulu

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PostPosted: Fri Apr 11, 2008 6:50 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I like this story! Smile I would have liked to see more thought in the narrator's eyes and have more showing, not telling. But I like the idea of it! It's great...Adrian's being a bit weird and that keeps me going.
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This thread was created on April 7, 2008

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