casey_kent
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 Posted: Wed Apr 09, 2008 1:11 pm Post subject: Reckoning Revised- part 1 'the happy couple' |
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Warning: This is a Smallville fanfic, but written in script type. Many might not know the story but it's worth to read. Clana-centric, again it's Clana-centric. You may want to watch episode 100 of Smallville, season 5 episode name: Reckoning.
But if you don't want to watch, I'll tell you what happened. Clark finally told Lana her secret before proposing to her. She hadn't said yes yet. Clark told her to tell him on the party of his dad. Lana really got bothered about it and she can think clearly. Lois noticed her botheredness. Lois asked her what's wrong. Lana told her 'It's just, um.. what would you do if you thought you knew someone really well and.. it turns out that there's.. um.. there's this whole other side to them.'. Lois asked 'Well, that depends, are we in.. arms dealer territory or are we talking The Crying Game?'. Lana replied 'Nothing like that.' Lois asked 'Then I guess the question is.. does it change the way you feel about him?' Lana replied 'Maybe'. Lois answered 'Look, I don't know what's going on, but I would be lucky to end up with someone as honorable as Clark someday.' Then Lana didn't wait until the party to tell Clark her answer. Clark told her 'I thought I'd see you at the party'. Lana said to him 'I know. But then there'd be all those people.' Clark asked her 'Do I look different to you now?' Lana replied 'Clark, you look like the same handsome guy I've always known.' Clark asked ' Handsome as in 'I wanna spend the rest of my life with you' or handsome as in 'I'm gonna let you down easy?' Lana replied 'As in.. yes, Clark. I'll marry you.' And Clark slipped the ring on her finger. Then at the party, Jonathan won the election for senator over Lex Luthor. Then in goes my fanfic.
*This takes place on episode 100(Reckoning) of Smallville. Jonathan's victory party, before I hated the episode.*
Lana: (smiles at Clark) Go ahead. Go to your photo op.
Clark: (kisses Lana before he leaves)
Lana's phone is ringing but she ignores it and waited for Clark to come back.
Clark: Hey. (kisses Lana) I heard your phone ringing. Why didn't you answer it?
Lana: I want us to enjoy our night. With your dad winning and everything the last thing I wanna have is another problem. (sighs)
Clark: I know. But are you sure? What if it's important?
Lana: Nah, it's alright. Nothin's more important to me than you right now. (hugs Clark playfully)
Clark: Am I really? (grins; hugs Lana back)
Lana: Uh-huh. (kisses Clark)
Clark: (chuckles) Why don't we go and enjoy the party? Get some drinks. And if we still have the time, we might be able to tell the people about our engagement.
Lana: (smiles) Yeah, let's go.
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After the party....
Kent Farm, Clark's room.
Clark: You can borrow some of my clothes to sleep in tonight.
Lana: Aww. Thanks, sweetie. (kisses Clark)
Clark: (smiles; hands Lana a pile of clothes)
Lana: I'll change in the bathroom. When I come back, you should already be in your sleeping clothes.
Clark: Okay.
Lana: (goes to change in the bathroom)
Clark: (changes while Lana's in the bathroom)
Lana: (comes back to the room after a while) I feel really comfortable in your clothes. (giggles)
Clark: Oh yeah? You can borrow some if you want, but it's too big for you.
Lana: Who cares? (yawns)
Clark: Looks like someone's tired.
Lana: Uh-huh. (heads to Clark's bed)
Clark: (follows Lana)
Lana: Hmm, hug me. I feel a little cold.
Clark: (hugs Lana) Goodnight.
Lana: (yawns) Goodnight. (snuggles Clark)
End of scene
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Morning...
Clark: (wakes up; sees Lana who's still sleeping)
Lana: (moves a little)
Clark: (gets up)
Lana: (eyes are half closed) Where are you going? Come back here and lay with me.
Clark: (goes back) Nowhere. I though you were asleep.
Lana: I was. But when you got up, I woke up.
Clark: (chuckles) So, do you want to stay here or you wanna stick for breakfast?
Lana: Stick for breakfast. I'm hungry. (gets up and fixes her hair in front of the dresser)
Clark: Okay. (hugs Lana from behind and puts head on Lana's shoulder)
They head downstairs to the kitchen where Clark's parents are already waiting.
Martha: Hey Clark, you up for breakfast. (looks up and not expecting Lana to be there) Oh Lana, I didn't know you were here. Come on, grab a plate.
Lana: (smiles) Oh Mrs. Kent, thank you. Don't worry we didn't do anything we weren't supposed to do.
Jonathan: (looks up; feels awkward) Oh... uhh... ok.
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After breakfast...
Clark's loft.
Clark: Don't you want to go home and change?
Lana: Hmm. With these clothes of yours, nah. But I do want a shower.
Clark: Okay, I'll drop you home.
Lana: But please pick me up at lunch time.
Clark: (smiles) Sure.
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Lana: Pick me up later, okay?
Clark: Okay. Bye. (kisses Lana) I love you.
Lana: I love you too. Bye. (goes in her dorm, where Chloe is typing)
Chloe: Hey, look who's finally home.
Lana: (smiles) Sorry, I forgot to call you last night. I got a little carried away.
TO be continued.......... |
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deafwriter_19
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| Posted: Wed Apr 30, 2008 10:46 pm Post subject: |
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Good storyline, but the dialogue is not realistic. It sounds very cliche and actually a little bit boring, if you want the truth.
And you don't give enough directions to the characters. When Lana said "Hug me" I thought they were on opposite sides of the bed and I'm like, Is Clark Mr. Stretchy now, because you can't really hug a person opposite a twin, queen or king bed.
Also, the "feels awkward" part and other things like that are unneccessary, you need to show it in the facial expressions and the dialogue.
Good script, just needs polishing and the suggestions mentioned above. |
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