Topic ID: 27451
|
View previous topic :: View next topic |
| Author |
Message |
Cobweb
Junior Writer
Gender: 
Age: 18
Joined: 20 Mar 2008
Posts: 35
Reviews: 8
300 Points
|
 Posted: Thu Mar 20, 2008 2:04 am Post subject: La tragédie de comédie |
 |
|
This is a comedy, as you’ve read, and it is a very inane one, too. I can’t help it if you don’t like it but you may post your critique (please do!) for all rational reasons, regardless how you feel about it.
Also, if you like this play and are part of a drama group, in or out of school and you think your director/teacher would be open to using it, contact me and you can be one of the first to perform it.
On a side, the cast of characters is missing because...well, it is but it does exist.
La tragédie de comédie
Act 1 Scene 1
[Curtain rises on Prince Frederick seated behind table with newspaper in front of his face. Silence and then a muttering from behind paper.]
FCH ‘In other news Sir Rodreigo, local gentleman of fortune, was awarded ‘Neighbor of the month’ by chamber of commerce for his unfailing courtesy......
[Paper falls to his lap and he stares blankly for a moment]
FCH Is there nothing he can’t do? What curse was I given to be born rich and powerful; impediments to the life of an adventurer. Ha! If Rodreigo had me to fight by his side he would be greater still. Ha!
[Throws paper away and leaps to his feet, drawing his sword]
FCH Roderigo! They have breached the main hall! What’s that you say? Stop them? Oh! What honor is mine, to have this great task. Many a man would kill only to serve the great Roderigo, but he depends on me like his own left leg! Such a privilege should not be mine; it shall do me under!
(Enter servant)
SERVANT Sir! An absurd crisis has arisen!
FCH I have no time for such things. Can you not see I fight a grand battle? Away with you and unclog the toilet yourself!
[Curtain. Enter Narrator in front of curtain]
NARRATOR Imagination makes an excellent servant but a poor master. Our gentleman man of fortune, Sir Rodgreigo, has the good fortune of being uninformed of the admiration Frederick Charles Henry William de Blow’s has for him. And though I do hate to be cruel to our hero while still so early in the story it is a fact that Rodreigo’s limited knowledge does not end with the prince.
[Exit Narrator]
Scene 2
[Curtain rises]
[Rodreigo’s house. Roderigo before a mirror with valet Casca behind]
RODERIGO This hair color looks badly on me. These breaches be too small. You call this a cloak!? It looks like a handkerchief!
CASCA It seems to me this maiden doth do marvelous damage to your brain. Nothing in the world would satisfy you this morning.
RODERIGO [Turns away from mirror] ‘Tis untrue. I dislike her very much. Have you the flowers?
CASCA What flowers, I pray you?
RODERIGO The roses I sent you for an hour ago!
CASCA You gave me no money.
RODREIGO What?! Money?! Can you not do an honest job of theft?
CASCA Sir, I am a Valet!
RODERGO It means nothing; they are one and the same. Never mind. The gardener swept up the yard last night. No doubt you can find a handful of sticks or something. And hurry, for my Lady will not wait!
[Curtain. Enter narrator in front of curtain]
NARRATOR Although Roderigo may be lacking in cleverness his mistress Lady Lucy is not. She is undeniably resourceful and thrifty and always ready with a possible solution to any problem through rarely does it solve anything.
[Exit Narrator]
Scene 3
[Curtain rises]
[Out side of house showing large window. Enter servant and Lady Lucy in window]
[Enter Rodreigo]
SERVANT My Lady, Sir Roderigo has arrived.
LUCY Roderigo! At last the sun shines! If only I could let you in!
RODERIGO What? You deny me entrance?
LUCY The doors will not open for the great quantity of green apples we have blocking the way.
RODERIGO Apples? At this time of year?
LUCY There was a deer among the apple trees this morning. I ordered all the fruit picked for fear it should be eaten.
RODERIGO If wishing could bring you near. [Kissing bundle of sticks he tosses them]
LUCY [Catches them] What, you bring me sticks?
RODERIGO It is the latest fashion in....Rome.
LUCY You’ve never been to Rome.
RODERIGO Don’t tell me where I have and haven’t been. I’ll tell you where I’m going. Home! [Turns and leaves]
[Exit Rodreigo]
LUCY Oh, Roderigo! I must go after him! Quickly, everyone eat an apple!
[Curtain. Enter Narrator in front of curtain]
NARRATOR Lord Winternight of Snodgrass is a cable man five days a week and a wretched villain when he has time to spare. With a successful business he is able to devote a good deal of time to his hobby. With his butler, coachman, secretary and sidekick, Thornton Pansy, our evil henchman checks the list to see who’s up next for revenge.
[Exit Narrator]
Scene 4
[Curtain rises]
[Winternight and Pansy seated across from each other at table. Pansy is holding a piece of paper and he has a folder/book in front of him]
PANSY Sir, everyone on this list hath received the black checkmark. Could it be you have
no enemies left?
WINTERNIGHT What? Inconceivable!
PANSY My Lord, look! Every name has been checked off with your revenge pen.
WINTERNIGHT This cannot be true! Let me see it! [Snatches paper] ‘Tis a horrible thing that hath befallen me! That I should live to see this day!
PANSY Indeed, it is a grim fate.
WINTERNIGHT Something must be done. Quickly, get out the book of enemy understudies!
PANSY [Opens book] What of Sir Osbourne? He has lately killed two men in a duel, at the same time. A fortnight ago he captured an entire castle with no weapons but a spoon and a cowbell. He also has found a very large silver mine and means to start blasting within the fortnight.
WINTERNIGHT Why, he would make a grand enemy! Why was he not on the first list?
PANSY He died ten years ago.
WINTERNIGHT Of course. With my kind of luck, he would have.
PANSY Wait, who be this? Sir Roderigo, address P.O. Box 129. Should we send hate mail?
WINTERNIGHT A superb idea. I dictate, you write.
[Pansy produces pen and paper]
WINTERNIGHT ‘To the Sir Roderigo. You are a coward and stinketh like a pig. My dislike runneth deeper than the worm in the ground. I challenge you, like an experienced dueler, to a lifelong enmity between ourselves. With many atrociously baleful feelings, the highly esteemed, greatly to be honored, Lord Winternight of Snodgrass.
PANSY Indeed, my Lord, you have a great way with words.
[Curtain. Enter Narrator in front of curtain]
NARRATOR Every town has it moderator. Countess of Sisly, post mistress of Nun is an accomplished snoop and aids her hobby by reading every piece of mail that passes through her hands.
[Exit Narrator]
Scene 5
[Curtain rises.]
[ At post office. Enter two cleaning women and the Countess holding a letter]
COUNTESS What be this?
CLEANING WOMAN ONE Aren’t it a letter?
COUNTESS And look how tis sealed. It be by the hand of the Lord Winternight and no other. I’d swear by it.
CLEANING WOMAN TWO Of Snodgrass?
COUNTESS Indeed, the very.
[Both cleaning women turn to one side and spit]
CLEANER 1 Thar’s no good I’ll warrant you.
COUNTESS Quite so, it’s sure to be. If it were not for my tender conscience, I would dare to open it and therefore stay eminent doom.
CLEANER 2 If your ladyship were to see it in the right, it would not be for us to say.
CLEANER1 By my troth, think what would ‘ave ‘appened if our ladyship ‘adn’t put herself out and read all those other letters.
CLEANER 2 Tis the grace of heaven that hath sent us your ladyship.
COUNTESS You have touched my very soul. I shall do it, though it costs me.
[She opens the letter and reads] Oh! I must tell someone! I’ll go see Lady Lucy. (She rushes out)
CLEANING WOMAN ONE Thar’ she goes.
CLEANING WOMAN TWO God bless her brave soul.
[Curtain. Enter Narrator on front of curtain]
NARRATOR The priesthood of Nun are an obliging lot. They answer every call for help, regardless of the need. While this generous attitude is admired it keeps them very busy.
[Exit Narrator]
Scene 6
[Curtain rises]
[Outside Lucy’s house. Enter Father Smith]
[Enter Lucy’s handmaid in window]
HANDMAID My Lady. Father Smith is outside the window.
LUCY [From inside] Oh! ‘Twas forever ago I sent out a servant for him. At last, our deliverance has come! [Enter Lucy at window] Father Smith!
SMITH What be it, child? Your servant arrived with what seemed to be a most urgent message but could not deliver it for lack of air.
LUCY Oh, father, we cannot get out of the house.
SMITH What?
LUCY I sent a servant out the window and down a rope to go get help.
SMITH Are you a captive?!
LUCY No, father. It is apples that block our way.
[Enter Countess Sisley]
COUNTESS Lucy! The Rio’s last lame pay for winter blight!
[Everyone turns and stares]
SMITH Though I’m in favor of a drought of ale now and then, I highly disapprove of your current condition.
LUCY Why, Countess Sisley! Whatever is the matter?
COUNTESS It was this morning. The letters came in –
LUCY Don’t they always?
COUNTESS But this letter was hate mail! For your Roderigo! [She waves letter]
LUCY Oh!
[Lucy faints and falls out of window into shrubbery]
SMITH She’s fallen!
COUNTESS We must show this letter to Roderigo!
SMITH [To handmaiden] Look after your mistress. [To the Countess] Come, we shall warn him of these threats.
[Exit Smith and Countess together]
This play will be continued. |
Last edited by Cobweb on Thu Mar 20, 2008 4:20 am; edited 1 time in total |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
Suzanne
verbivore
Writer of Legend
Gender:
Age: 18
Joined: 21 Sep 2006
Posts: 6963
Reviews: 1747
Country: Riverbluff, MO
734 Points
|
| Posted: Thu Mar 20, 2008 2:55 am Post subject: |
|
|
Hey there! Welcome to YWS. If you have any questions or need help with something, feel free to contact me!
I have several things to say that either do or do not pertain to this play. ^_^
First, to the ones that do not have anything to do with the play. I do not know if this is the only story/play you have posted, but you have two posts and no reviews. YWS has a policy that for every one story (or anything in the lit. section) that you post you have to critique two things, preferably before you post your story. Since you have no reviews, I suggest you go and do some! Not only does this keep a 2:1 ratio, but the more you critique others the more people will critique you.
This is real long. People generally do not read things that are this long, plays or stories or not. I would suggest finding break points (Acts, scenes?) and posting them on their own (though please do not post them all at the same time and flood the site, either). This will also help you get critiques because people are more likely to read something that won't take them a long time. Length scares people.
Your title La tragédie de comédie, are you meaning to say [in French] "The tragedy of comedy"? If so, I only have one correction! Comedy is a feminine word, so this should be La tragédie de la comédie. If not, and you were trying to say something else, and you would still like it to be in French, shoot me a PM! I'm a good way through my third year of French. Et, je parle bien le français.
I haven't read over your play, I'm sorry to say (Length! If it was in smaller bites, I would love to.) but from glancing at it I want to suggest you to my article A Basic Guide to Format. Your format isn't actually bad (you actually have format! That makes me happy) so do not think I am saying you suck at formatting. It's just a suggestion. I think you could really do with adding some colons after the speakers names, hehe.
If you are looking for someone to preform the play, or for someone to put it, consider looking at this site: http://www.dramaticpublishing.com/submissions.php I need to get around to submitting my play to that site, haha.
Again, if you have any questions about the site or something I said here, feel free to give me a pm. |
_________________
Dr. Bishop: Am I required to keep him alive?
-Fringe
What am I reading? |
|
| Back to top |
|
Cobweb
Junior Writer
Gender:
Age: 18
Joined: 20 Mar 2008
Posts: 35
Reviews: 8
300 Points
|
| Posted: Thu Mar 20, 2008 4:24 am Post subject: |
|
|
Excellent suggestions on all counts. Yes, you found me out; I’m French-illiterate. As for the length I didn’t stop to think of that. This is my first attempt at play writing, mostly an outlet for a mind of absurd humor. I’m not sure how feasible it is for performing but I’m writing another with special attention payed to the ease with which it can produced by small groups or those with minimal resources.
I was not aware of the critique/posting rule but thank you for informing me. I will cut down this piece of work to make it easier for anyone who cares to read it. |
|
|
| Back to top |
|
sokool15
In the begining there was nothing and it exploded.
Speaker of the Forum
Gender:
Age: 17
Joined: 11 Dec 2006
Posts: 683
Reviews: 361
Country: Wunderbar!
385 Points
|
| Posted: Sat Apr 05, 2008 5:49 am Post subject: |
|
|
Lol, "hate mail!" You are a coward and you stinketh like a pig.
lol! Hilarious. I do agree that you could have split it up into longer bits, but I'm used to reading looooong things on the computer (for college and stuff) so I didn't have a problem with it.
My favorite bit:
| Quote: |
| A fortnight ago he captured an entire castle with no weapons but a spoon and a cowbell. |
I'm a musician...I know how much damage a cowbell can do!!! 
Anyway, I would say break it up into smaller chunks so other people would read it as well. You messed up a little on some of you olde English speech, but I assume that was on purpose for comic effect?
Cheers!
~MademoiselleKool  |
_________________
"Gods like to see an atheist around. Gives them something to aim at."
~Terry Pratchett, "Small Gods" |
|
| Back to top |
|
Cobweb
Junior Writer
Gender:
Age: 18
Joined: 20 Mar 2008
Posts: 35
Reviews: 8
300 Points
|
| Posted: Fri Aug 29, 2008 8:43 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Exactly so on the mess ups. It’s over-the-top kind of humor.
What kind of music do you play? |
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
