Topic ID: 28237
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Alice
Disaster Zone
Writer of Legend
Gender: 
Age: 15
Joined: 28 Jan 2007
Posts: 5295
Reviews: 259
Country: In a book or a story, anywhere but here
811 Points
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 Posted: Thu Apr 03, 2008 11:24 pm Post subject: Miss me? |
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Play catch with my heart
I don't care.
So long as you're right there to catch it.
Will you catch it?
Tell me that you'll catch it
tell me in truth please.
Or will you just watch it fall
and shattter at your feet?
Is that the proof that you don't miss me?
Chorus
I really cannot see
the part of you that's missing me.
So do you really miss me?
Or am I just letting myself make believe?
Don't throw away my heart,
it doesn't belong in the trash.
If you don't want it,
if you won't let it last,
just give it back.
You play catch with my heart
and I don't care.
You're about to let my heart drop
don't you dare!
If it goes down it's gone forever,
do you want me to hate you forever?
Chorus
If you miss me
catch my heart
and don't throw it back.
It belongs with you,
or it belongs with me
there is no inbetween.
Give me back my heart please,
unless you really miss me. |
_________________
I'm Alice.
For the record, I'm not a crack addict, I don't chase rabits wearing waistcoats down holes, and I can't see the future.
And if you don't get any of those you epic fail. |
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PsychicNinja
The Official YWS Ninja
Speaker of the Forum
Gender:
Age: 16
Joined: 04 Jun 2007
Posts: 605
Reviews: 192
Country: You mean planet? We Mando'ade are nomads.
576 Points
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| Posted: Thu Apr 03, 2008 11:55 pm Post subject: |
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Yay! More of Alice's lyrics! XD
This one was pretty good, Alice. I like some of the rhyming you have in there. My only problem is the last line. ...I"m not so sure I like it...
It doesn't sound/fit quite right.
Anywho, yet another good song (lyrics) from Alice!
Keep Writing!
~Timea |
_________________
"The nice thing about the alphabet, ma'am, is that it gives you plenty of plans to choose from."
―Fi to Etain Tur-Mukan
"Cheer up, still got E through Z plans."
"One day, Fi, I'm going to give you a good slap."
―Fi and Darman |
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Mortality
Junior Writer
Age: 17
Joined: 03 Apr 2008
Posts: 32
Reviews: 27
Country: Somewhere, beyond the gates of infinty, or something like that
300 Points
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| Posted: Fri Apr 04, 2008 12:42 am Post subject: |
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Hello Alice!
I acutally liked it!
It was very good, and pretty deep.
I hope you write some more! |
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October Girl
You make the DARKNESS disappear...<3 I Love You
Master of the Forum
Gender:
Age: 14
Joined: 23 Sep 2006
Posts: 1737
Reviews: 169
Country: Where Love is Lost
317 Points
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| Posted: Fri Apr 04, 2008 1:20 am Post subject: |
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wow Alice this lyric was so beautiful! I ALMOST cried and usually I hate it when people have that effect on me. This was so good that I'm actually speechless. Shut me up before I start to ramble.
-Max |
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When your gone... Will I lose control?
Your the only road I know... You show me where to go... Who will drive my soul? -LIGHTS |
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Dr. Jamie Bondage
Perfectionist
Epic Novelist
Gender:
Age: 17
Joined: 08 Nov 2007
Posts: 3101
Reviews: 75
432 Points
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| Posted: Fri May 09, 2008 12:52 am Post subject: |
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| I love this! It's amazing! I love the feeling and emotion. It seemed a bit repetitive, but I really like it! It's amazing! Keep up the good writing. I do agree though, it's a bit sad, but the emotion is amazing! Keep up the good work! XD |
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Eva 040
Junior Writer
Age: 15
Joined: 17 Nov 2007
Posts: 48
Reviews: 26
300 Points
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| Posted: Sun May 11, 2008 12:26 pm Post subject: |
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I liked it, i just, dunno, didn't really feel it
I got the idea but there's just something missing
That may just be me, im into imagery, and for this kind of song, you dont really use imagery, so its just me being picky =P
The lyrics worked very well, the idea was great and the way you pieced the two together worked very affectively.
The layout and the way you set it out wroks very well, it flows, its not repetetive, and the way you use the play catch with my heart really does work, making this very good.
Even though it's not really my thing, i still really enjoyed it, so obviously yor doing somethig very right =]]
Great, i shall be lookingout for more, Eva XxXxX |
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