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Micah
Wait for the opportune moment...mate
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 Posted: Thu Apr 07, 2005 2:58 am Post subject: Life in my heart |
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Life flies around youthful desire, love and lifework
laughter sweetly colours the air, scattering abundant clouds
Rainbow painted dreams float softly heavenwards
above waters dappled in brilliant sunlight shimmer
Silky breezes harbour children's whispers
nestled in every flower's center
Life is a gem to be kept forever |
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Last edited by Micah on Fri Apr 08, 2005 11:36 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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ohhewwo
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| Posted: Thu Apr 07, 2005 3:05 am Post subject: |
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Wow. That was really good ...
The only thing I have a problem with is the last line. It sounds more like an ending to an essay than a poem. But the rest was fantastico!
Also, I think you wanted this to be in italics. If you did, you may want to edit the post and correct that. But, it's not a big deal.
 Welcome to here. Here is good. We like here. Here is our friend... |
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bcain
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| Posted: Fri Apr 08, 2005 12:36 am Post subject: |
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really good read!
i especially liked 'rainbow painted dreams float softly heavenward'
great job!  |
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hi-mi-tsu
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| Posted: Fri Apr 08, 2005 9:08 pm Post subject: |
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| laughter sweetly colours the air, scattering abundant clouds |
I adore this line. It makes me think of the innocent laughter of small children and how it can always make you smile, even on the worst days of your life.
This poem was really good; maybe find a way to revise the last line so that it better matches the innocence and happiness of the rest of it. That's my only suggestion. |
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Micah
Wait for the opportune moment...mate
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| Posted: Fri Apr 08, 2005 11:38 pm Post subject: $o HowS ThI$?? |
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There, I think i've fixed it!!
Thanks for the advice, guys. |
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The book to read is not the one which thinks for you, but the one which makes you think. No book in the world equals the Bible for that.
Harper Lee
My sites:
http://www.wyattmuseum.com/
http://www.cafechrist.com/ |
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Shriek
thinking outrageously, i write in cursive.
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| Posted: Mon Apr 25, 2005 9:49 pm Post subject: |
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| This poem definately made me smile a lot. Thank you for focusing on some of the sweetest parts of life--a lot of things written now are so dark. Not that that's bad--it's just nice to have a change. However, I wish there was more than seven lines to your poem--the idea could be expanded on much more. I did like this line, "Silky breezes harbour children's whispers..." Clever wordplay there. Overall, you created a light, innocent poem that was an enjoyable read (at least for me). Nice job. : ) |
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PsyLynx
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| Posted: Tue Apr 26, 2005 9:03 pm Post subject: |
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| uber uber excellent |
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Micah
Wait for the opportune moment...mate
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| Posted: Fri Dec 16, 2005 12:55 am Post subject: |
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| Gee thanks. This must be my best!! |
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The book to read is not the one which thinks for you, but the one which makes you think. No book in the world equals the Bible for that.
Harper Lee
My sites:
http://www.wyattmuseum.com/
http://www.cafechrist.com/ |
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Snoink
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| Posted: Fri Dec 16, 2005 8:03 am Post subject: |
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It was really pretty and really descriptive.  |
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Micah
Wait for the opportune moment...mate
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| Posted: Fri Dec 16, 2005 8:56 pm Post subject: |
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| Since I consider you as a good writer Snoink, this has to be my best!! |
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The book to read is not the one which thinks for you, but the one which makes you think. No book in the world equals the Bible for that.
Harper Lee
My sites:
http://www.wyattmuseum.com/
http://www.cafechrist.com/ |
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prefect - memory12
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| Posted: Thu May 15, 2008 8:25 pm Post subject: |
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I really like this poem. Very beauty full, I really hope you writer something like this again!
S. Torain |
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C.J. Mustang
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| Posted: Sat May 31, 2008 10:37 am Post subject: |
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This poem was kind of confusing to me, mostly because of how it was laid out. I think it should be put in stanzas. You also should probably have some punctuation in there, too. For example:
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Life flies around youthful desire, love and lifework<I'm not quite positive what this means...
laughter sweetly colours the air, scattering abundant clouds.
Rainbow painted dreams float softly heavenwards,
above waters dappled in brilliant sunlight shimmer. you should probably say shimmer[s] or [a] brilliant
Silky breezes harbour children's whispers
nestled in every flower's center.
Life is a gem to be kept forever |
That's all I have for you today. Keep up the good work!  |
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Love2act4ever
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| Posted: Tue Jun 03, 2008 9:30 pm Post subject: |
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This poem was a little hard to follow, but I think I get it. It kind of reminds me of my poem "Life." lol.
I really would have liked to see you put in periods/commas but with the basic read through it was ok. You used very descriptive words that painted pictures which was good.
Keep up the great work.
Josh |
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