August 30, 2008
It took a bus, the subway, the train, a cab, and more than six hours, but we are finally here in our hotel room in Cornwall. Mom, who is asleep on the other bed, still can’t get over it. Of all the schools in Toronto, I have to choose one that is all the way out here on the St. Lawrence River, which is obviously why it’s called St. Lawrence College.
Now that we’re here and the reality of the decision I made is finally sinking in, I am so nervous. If I’d eaten anything today, I would probably have thrown it up by now, and my hands were shaking so much that I came close to scratching my eyes when I was taking out my contact lenses. They drive me crazy, really, but I’ve wanted them for years. Mom finally agreed to let me get them when it was decided that I would be going to school outside of the city and there was almost no chance that there would be anyone there who knew me.
Getting away from people who know me is exactly what I want. One of the ways you can move beyond your past is to go where nobody knows about your past. That really is one of the things that motivated me to come here instead of a school in Toronto. Though I wish the Educational Assistant Program was in the Kingston campus. Before leaving Toronto, I looked up the population of Cornwall. Less than fifty thousand! That is tiny. Kingston is small compared to Toronto, but it is big enough to be called a city. I feel like I’m moving to Smallville or something.
It’s going to take a lot of adjusting to live here for the good part of two years. I suppose that is one of the reasons she gave me this journal. Long distance calls will be too expensive to make all the time. On the card she put in it, she wrote, “To Ciara, so you’ll always have someone to talk to.”
I have to admit, as nervous as I still am, it is making me feel better to get it all down on paper. So far, starting at a new school hasn’t gone so well for me. Maybe I’ll write about the reasons later, when things are less crazy, and I know that the next week or so is going to be very crazy.
Before I do anything there are so many papers to go through so I know exactly what will happen. Since I’m staying in residence, I got two acceptance packages: one for the college program and one for the residence. One thing I have looked at so far is the letter telling me about move-in day, which is tomorrow, and my roommate. Except I thought the rooms were private. That’s what the application said, anyway. The letter says my roommate’s name is Kathy Caldwell.
Having a roommate won’t be too bad, I suppose. If Kathy is nice it means I’ll have at least one friend, but I won’t have too much privacy. There are some things you just don’t want anyone to see, no matter how much you like them.
I just yawned. It’s getting late and I should probably go to sleep. That is, if I can manage to shut my brain off. It’s going to be a very long day tomorrow.
August 31, 2008
Just had breakfast in the hotel dining room. My eyes are already sore from my lenses, but I have no choice but to get used to them. Mom and I will be on our way to the college to get my stuff moved in as soon as our cab gets here. I can only hope my stomach holds out. Mom let me get away with not eating anything yesterday, but today she made me eat some cereal and fruit before we got ready to leave.
Mom just asked, “So you really like that journal, eh?”
“Yes,” I told her. Writing in here is so much more freeing that any of the journal-type assignments I’ve done for school.
Cab is here. I’ll update as soon as I can.
1:30
Mom is off having a cup of coffee, so I’ll get down how my day has gone so far.
This place is certainly not what I expected. I know Cornwall is small, but I thought that there would be more to the college than two three-story buildings. Heck, I’ve seen high schools that are bigger! There are some individual buildings in the University of Toronto that are bigger. And the residence isn’t even a separate building. That was confusing. When the cab driver pulled up to the college, Mom asked him if he knew where the residence building was and he just shrugged.
While Mom stayed with the cab, I ran to each door and didn’t see anybody until the fourth door I went to, behind the link between the two buildings. So Mom paid the driver and we carried all our stuff up. In the little lobby area there were three desks set up with lots of papers on them and very official-looking people sitting behind them, and an office that Diana and Jeff (who were wearing T-shirts that said “Rez Team 08-09) directed us to go into.
In the office we met Reina, the residence coordinator. Before I could do anything else, I had to see her to get my keys. She gave me even more paperwork to read or fill out. Then I had to talk to the Internet people to get that set up, but not cable, darn it. Daddy wouldn’t buy me a TV. And then we got a meal plan card. We put two hundred dollars on it. Wonder how long that will last.
After all that, Jeff finally showed us where my room is, on the first floor. What surprised me is that there is only one bed, and I can get to my bathroom right from my bedroom. Haven’t seen Kathy yet, as far as I know, though she is here because her things in the bathroom. So I guess we’re not really roommates, we’re bathroom-mates. On the other side of the bathroom there is a second door that must go to her room. I suppose I’ll meet her tonight. There is going to be a meet-and-greet in the student lounge in the other building.
Now that I’m done unpacking and my bed is made, Mom wants to take me shopping for some of the things we didn’t have in Toronto and wouldn’t have been able to carry with us anyway, like a new microwave (and food for the mini-fridge), but not a new computer. Dad is coming with it to on Tuesday.
More tonight.
8:00
Mom must be on the train and on her way back to Toronto by now. I got back from the meet-and-greet not too long ago. It’s beginning to get dark, and I want to get everything down before I go upstairs to the common room.
In the lounge, I found out just how small this residence is. There were less than fifty of us! I only got a chance to meet Kathy for a minute. She actually introduced herself to me when we were done with the icebreaker games and the pizza was brought out.
That was all after student union president did the dull introductory stuff about events during the year and clubs we can join. Kathy is from Ottawa and in the paramedic program. She is friendly, and wasn’t too pushy about making me be more social than I wanted to be. She said she was really relieved when she saw the rooms were totally private, and I told her that I felt the same way. I probably would have been okay with sharing a bedroom with her if I had no choice, but privacy is important. Now I only have to worry about her coming into the bathroom while I’m not wearing certain things. I never even felt comfortable changing in front of everyone else for gym class.
I didn’t talk as much as I probably should have. I spent most of the time watching everyone and listening, and I guess it went well. Better than it did on my first day of high school, anyway. The whole time I was worried that I might do or say something to make me look weird, but nobody even looked at me weird. I even made sure I ate at least one slice of pizza, no matter what my stomach was telling me. There is no way I want to ruin my chances to be a welcome part of this world.
Anyway, I have another chance to make a lasting good impression now. They’re playing a movie upstairs in the common room. It’s some stupid college movie. They aren’t the kind I would ever go see myself, but I will do it for the sake of being social so I can make college better than high school ever was.
September 1, 2008
Damn, this room is cold first thing in the morning! The second I woke up, I was shivering. I closed the blinds because Reina told me if I kept them open it would be too hot in the morning. I highly doubt that. If I had kept it open, I probably would have been just warm enough.
It’s amazing how awake I feel considering I probably only got about three hours of sleep all night, if that. At least it wasn’t a bad, nervous kind of not sleeping, if that makes any sense at all. There was no tossing and turning or anything like that. I was just awake. The window ledge is more than big enough for me to sit on it comfortably, so I spent a lot of time there just looking at the river.
What really got to me last night was how quiet this place is at night. There are no cars, hardly any people on the streets, no motorcycles backfiring (or at least that’s why I tell myself it is). In Cornwall, all I can here are the crickets and maybe a few birds. If all I had wanted to do was get away, I could have easily made sure I chose a college that is in Ottawa or Kingston. After last night, I know one of the reasons I decided to come here. I’ve had enough of big cities, and I have lived most of my life in one of the biggest. Ireland is so much better, not that I remember much of it very well. I’ve only been there a few times since I was five.
Besides, if starting over in a new place was a good idea, starting over in a place that is completely different from where I was before makes it even better. The fact that I have a view of the St. Lawrence River makes it just about perfect. It’s so full of life and energy despite all the pollution that has gone into it over so many years. The way it glitters, it almost makes me think
Never mind. I am not going to write about that today. Maybe I will in a few weeks, but not now. I would much rather stick to writing about things that are happening now. I can certainly do that.
What I don’t know if I can get used to are these damn contact lenses! I know I wanted them and I keep writing about how important they are. It really was for the best that I get them, but even after a week of wearing them, they are constantly bothering my eyes. The thing is, it’s either that or never make eye-contact with anyone. In college, the only reason I want to stand out is for getting top marks. As long as I at least look human, that shouldn’t be too hard.
We’re going on a bus tour of the town soon. Gotta go shower and get the hair off my legs because we’re going to be having lunch at the beach!
9:00
Well, I’m all showered and my legs are nice and smooth. Now I have to figure out what to do with myself for the next hour or so. The bus will be here to take us on the tour at about 10:30, so everyone will probably be gathering in the parking lot by 10:00.
I want to go upstairs and watch TV or something until then, but it will not be the same as last night. Last night, almost everyone was up there to watch a movie that was planned. Today I might be the only one up there, or there might be only two or three people. I don’t want to do anything that might make myself look weird.
I’ll go for a short walk. I saw a bike path along the river. Won’t get lost if I follow that.
7:00p.m.
The tour was fantastic. They showed us everything, where the malls were, other places to go shopping, the movie theatres, and of course where the students who are old enough to drink can buy beer. Technically we can only drink in our rooms and if we’re old enough, but I seriously doubt that will stop anyone.
They also showed us where the tourist-y things are, like the old jail and where the paper factory used to be. It shut down a few years ago and now it’s not much more than a giant pile of burnt rubble. Our tour guide told us that about a year after it shut down, there was a fire there. They still don’t know what they’re going to do with the space.
After the tour, we picked up lunch and drove to a beach just outside Cornwall. As soon as they finished eating, a bunch of guys threw off their shirts and played football in the water. Another group wanted to play volleyball, since there were nets set up. I kind of wanted to play, but I just watched with the rest of the group who wasn’t playing. I know I came here to be more social and participate more, but playing would have been too much for me so soon, though I did talk to the people who were watching and cheered on the players.
The best part about the day was that I really felt human for the first time in years. While I was sitting on the bus for the tour, at the beach during lunch and watching the others play football, and laughing at the boys (including a very cute guy named Greg) for playing video games after we got back. I can only pray that I can hang onto this feeling while I’m here.
