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The Dying Park
The Dying Park

by Incandescence in Dramatic Poetry
Young Writers Society Forum Index » Scripts

This thread was created on March 26, 2008
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Foreign Markets: 1x05 "Between a Rock and a Hard Place&
Topic ID: 27734
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PostPosted: Wed Mar 26, 2008 10:43 am    Post subject: Foreign Markets: 1x05 "Between a Rock and a Hard Place& Reply with quote

"FOREIGN MARKETS: 1X05 BETWEEN A ROCK AND A HARD PLACE"

Created & Written by: Brad Stanley


FADE IN:

INT. ANN'S LIVING ROOM - EVENING

Ann and Jeremy are sitting on the couch in pajamas watching TV. The living room itself is well-decorated with upscale furniture, paintings and light assemblies. A Persian rug lies beneath the couch and coffee table, and a towering bookcase filled with legal references sits off in the corner. As a commercial starts, Ann glances over at Jeremy, disgusted, and glowers.

ANN
So…how, exactly, did you decide who you were firing?

Jeremy sighs and looks off.

JEREMY
(exasperated)
I told you, James is the one who authorized the charges without telling us. It wasn't Sunshine's fault that it happened; it was his.

Ann bites her lip and nods, considering his justification

ANN
Oh, so…then it's his fault that Lena stepped on the cat in the first place? It's his fault you agreed to let Sunshine keep a kitten in the first place?

Jeremy sighs, exasperated, and looks her in the eye and shakes his
head.

JEREMY
Look, I made my decision. You told me to fire someone, I did. Now you're pissed off that I fired someone--make up your fucking mind.

Ann stands up, throwing her hands in the air in defeat.

ANN
I'm just trying to understand how the fuck you decided to fire James! He's the only one with half the sense of a piggy bank, and two weeks ago--two weeks ago, Jeremy-- you told me it was Sunshine who would go. Now, thanks to your fucking great management decisions, you don't have one person who knows what the hell is going on, and we're still going to have to pay to get Sunshine's pussy fixed every time Lena steps on it. And do you even know who the hell Alex is? Why does he spend $600 a month on lubricants? Is he bathing in it? Is he making porn? What the hell is going on in that house, Jeremy?

Jeremy stands up, infuriated.

JEREMY
It isn't that simple, okay? Businesses don't jus--

ANN
(enunciating every word)
It isn't that simple!? What? What isn't that simple, Jeremy?

Jeremy shakes his head in anger and looks around the room.

JEREMY
The situation. It's not as simple as that.

Ann puts her hands on her hips and stares at him incredulously.

ANN
Okay, then explain it to me, Jeremy, please. Explain to me what is not simple about the situation where I funded your pet project on the promise of a serious effort and all--

JEREMY
(flustered)
It takes time!

Ann scoffs in indignation.

ANN
It takes time? No. No, it takes time to beat you off. It does not take time to start being productive--it takes intelligence and drive, and I haven't seen either of those from you since this started five weeks ago. Get your fucking head on straight, Jeremy, I swear to God…

Jeremy finally gives up, sighing.

JEREMY
Just try to see the big picture, pl--

ANN
Try to see it? I paint the big picture, Jeremy! You try to see it.

They stare at each other in a deadlock before Jeremy throws his hands up in defeat.

JEREMY
(muttering)
James was leaving whether I fired him or not.

Ann stares at him, taking this in.

ANN
Wait--what do you mean? Why was he leaving?

Jeremy shrugs.

JEREMY
His agent called him with an offer from RandomHouse, and his girlfriend apparently convinced him--

Ann holds up her hands.

ANN
His girlfriend? You told me nobody but Sunshine was in a relationship. Jeremy, it's shit like this that fucks things up--not doing your homework--

JEREMY
(pleading)
I know, Ann! I know! But he didn't tell me, and I can't change it, okay?
Ann folds her arms over her chest and taps her fingers. She walks to the window and looks out for a moment before turning on him.

ANN
Okay, so his agent calls, tells him she's got a deal--and you didn't fucking think to call me as soon as you found out?

Jeremy shrugs meekly.

JEREMY
I didn't think there was anything you could do…

Ann puts her palm to her forehead and takes a deep breath.

ANN
Okay…well, thank you for finally telling me the truth. Jesus. You're worse than a client, but at least you're not a complete idiot right now. Letting him go means getting him back is going to be a bitch.

Jeremy furrows his brow at her, confused.

JEREMY
How are we going to get him back…?

Ann smiles and walks over to Jeremy.

ANN
Jeremy, baby, agents are just attorneys who were too stupid to pass the bar--trust me, we can do better.

CUT TO:

INT. SIMONE'S BEDROOM - EVENING

Luke and Simone are having sex, but they are entirely under the covers. Abruptly, Simone pops out, pulling covers around her breasts and sighing with great relief. Luke, underneath her, watches, confused, as she rolls off him.

SIMONE
Wow, that was so amazing…you're just…ohh.

Luke casts a glance at her and looks down.

LUKE
(stuttering)
I…well, yeah--okay, but--

Simone looks at him, eyes wild with passion.

SIMONE
(giggling)
But…? Didn't you think so?

Luke swallows and stares at her in a mixture of awkwardness and disbelief.

LUKE
Well, no, that--that isn't what I'm saying, but I--

SIMONE
(solemnly)
Ohhhhh…. That.

Luke stares at her, silently asking for an explanation.

SIMONE
Well…it's just that, we can't spill seed until we're married.

LUKE
Until--wait, what? When we're married?

Simone nods.

SIMONE
(giggling)
Yeah, you know….My religion is against pre-marital sex. We talked about it, 'member?

Luke shifts awkwardly in the bed.

LUKE
I…do, but…I kind of thought…since…

Simone gasps.

SIMONE
(horrified)
Oh, no! I thought you understood that we could…do it, as long as we didn't waste our precious seed. All of us need God's love, and if we have a baby before we're married…

Luke furrows his brow.

LUKE
…what? God doesn't love illegitimate children?

Simone forcefully laughs at an overly high-pitched tone.

SIMONE
Well, let's just be thankful that we don't have to worry about that,

Luke blinks and shifts uncomfortably again.

LUKE
…right. Well…I, uh, I need to go to the bathroom, so…I'll be right back, okay?

Luke gets up and goes to the bathroom, closing the door behind him. Simone lies in bed, grinning and staring up at the ceiling happily. She suddenly rolls over and pulls out the drawer on her nightstand. She picks up the three Bibles and props herself up in bed, flipping through them. She suddenly sits up completely, something dawning on her. She gets out of bed and runs over to the bathroom door, trying to open the door before realizing it's locked.

SIMONE
Hey! Luke! We haven't really talked about it, but which version of the Bible do you think is the best?

She stands, bouncing on her heels and waiting on him to answer.

LUKE (O.S.)
Uh…well--

Simone furrows her brow and puts her ear to the door.

SIMONE
(bubbly)
What are you doing in there? I think my favorite is King James. Is James your favorite too? I don't see how he couldn't be when you read all that New Age interpretation people try to sell.

LUKE (O.S.)
(slightly out of breath)
I…what? Yeah, sure, King James.

Simone squeals in delight and tries to open the door again, but Luke hasn't unlocked it.

SIMONE
Luke! Oh! Good night, why didn't we think of it before?

She waits on Luke to respond, but he doesn't.

SIMONE (CONT'D)
(unfazed)
You're Luke! You're name is Luke--you're a biographer of Christ and brother of James and the other apostles.

CUT TO:

INT. BATHROOM - CONTINUOUS

Luke looks up, breathing hard, slack-jawed and horrified.

SIMONE (O.S.)
Luuuuuuuke, what are you dooooiiiiing?

CUT TO:

INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

Lena and Sunshine are on the couch. Lena is curled up with her laptop, while Sunshine is sketching things out on a pad of paper.

SUNSHINE
(idly)
What do you think? Light or dark, sharp or blurred?

Lena clicks through several pages, not looking to Sunshine.

LENA
I guess dark and sharp.

Sunshine sets her pen down and deadpans.

SUNSHINE
Lena, the options were light and sharp or dark and blurred!

Lena glances over at her and then returns to her laptop.

LENA
Oh…well. In that case, dark and sharp. You know, some of these submissions are so awful I just want to throw myself against the wall.

SUNSHINE
And what would that solve? If you're really that tense, Lena, you should try the feminine balance aromatherapy again. It really lets you breathe in your own essence.

Lena looks at her suspiciously.

LENA
Creepy….

Sunshine picks her pen back up and starts drawing again, but quickly stops and sighs, looking out the window.

SUNSHINE
It's not right without James.

Lena pauses and looks over at her. Luke unlocks the door and walks in, closing it behind him. Lena turns almost a hundred eighty degrees and inspects him.

LENA
Enjoy your romp through Simone's magical world of Jesus?

Luke shrugs his coat off.

LUKE
(quietly)
I don't wanna talk about it.

Lena glances furtively to Sunshine and grins.

LENA
Awww.

Luke walks past them into the kitchen.

SUNSHINE
Is he okay?

Luke reemerges from the kitchen as though he's lost and then walks over and sits down with them, stretching and yawning.

LENA
(inquisitive)
So…

Luke tries to ignore their stares for as long as possible before giving in.

LUKE
What?

LENA
So are you born again?

Sunshine rolls her eyes and clasps Luke's hand.

SUNSHINE
Luke, it's okay to grieve. We all miss James, too.

Luke pulls his hand away and shakes his head.

LUKE
It isn't that. I don't miss James.

Lena arches her eyebrows as Sunshine nods emphatically.

SUNSHINE
Of course not, but…break-ups are hard even if you don't miss the other person.

LUKE
(snapping back)
We didn't 'break-up.' He left.

Lena closes her laptop and leans towards him.

LENA
Aww. Don't be sad, Luke. We miss him too.

Luke looks at them in disbelief and shrugs, realizing he can't win this battle.

LUKE
Yeah. Great.

SUNSHINE
Have you been sleeping well, Luke? You look tired.

LUKE
Fine.

Sunshine nods knowingly.

SUNSHINE
Well, when I have problems sleeping after someone I love leaves, I find it helpful to recreate things that remind me of them.

Luke shakes his head.

LUKE
Yeah, thanks, but look, that's not it. I don't miss James, and James doesn't miss me. End of story.

LENA
So why are you being such a bitch, then?

Luke gets up and looks at both of them angrily before shaking his head and storming up the stairs. Lena watches intently until she's sure he's out of earshot.

LENA
(to Sunshine)
Aww, boys are so cute when they're touchy.

Sunshine nods enthusiastically.

SUNSHINE
We should do something for him.

Lena looks over at her.

LENA
Like…what?

SUNSHINE
Like--oh! We could do this thing where we all sit in a circle and say the things we are most thankful for having. Then we can pray to our deity of choice, and if we don't have one, then we can just pray to the universe.

LENA
That's…incredibly gay. And this isn't Plymouth Rock, Sunshine. What Lukey needs is some pot and time with friends.

Sunshine ponders this as Alex stumbles in the front door, clearly smashed.

SUNSHINE
That can be arranged.

Alex nods at them, eyes swimming.

ALEX
How are--what are, what are you two chicas doin' in here?

Lena rolls her eyes.

LENA
Talking about what an ass you are.

Alex makes a cat claw with his hand.

ALEX
Me-ow. Well girls I'm wasted and I need to crash now, so I'll see you in bed.

LENA
(repulsed)
Uh, no you won't.

Sunshine holds up her finger.

SUNSHINE
Oh, sugarkittens--not in my bed.

Alex moans.

ALEX
Why not, baby? I'm primed and ready.

Sunshine stares at him in disgust.

SUNSHINE
You're drunk and horny. Not in my bed. I don't mind horny, but no drinking. You know the rules.

Alex groans again and shakes his head, muttering under his breath and stumbling up the stairs.

LENA
(to Sunshine)
He's not sleeping in my bed.

SUNSHINE
He can sleep on the couch. He'll go fall asleep on my bed, and then I'll have to move him when I go up. I love my sugarkittens to death, but he could use with some repairs. Sometimes, after we've had sex, I can feel this essence emanating--

LENA
Stop right there. No further. How'd you two meet anyway? You seem so different.

Sunshine shrugs playfully.

SUNSHINE
(giggling a little)
We met at a yearly retreat for artists. It was this…I was mostly high, and he was so charming. And then, later, I realized it wasn't the pot, he actually was charming. We really hit it off from there.

Lena nods sarcastically.

LENA
Oh yeah, got yourself a real Casanova there. What sort of artist is he?

SUNSHINE
He's a body artist. He does nude photography and models for art classes and was working on a degree in art theory when some asshole framed him for plagiarizing a paper, but Alex would never do that. He would have told me if he had.

Lena nods.

LENA
Oh, uh…yeah. Yeah. I'm sure he tells you everything….

CUT TO:

INT. ANN'S OFFICE - DAY

Ann is sitting at her desk, clearly forcing herself to smile as HARVEY LIONS, a large, balding man sits across from her. She has her hands clasped and resting on the desk, trying to be patient as Harvey drones on and on in a low, Australian voice.

HARVEY
(sniveling)
…and--oh, I should probably tell you: a former employee of mine might be suing me soon. You know how they are, lose their jobs and they start yelling like the building's on fire.

ANN
Okay…why would he be suing you?

Harvey shrugs and looks off.

HARVEY
I fired him and didn't pay his unemployment check.

Ann stares at him for a moment, expecting him to elaborate.

ANN
Okay…so you fired him, and…what? Why did you fire him?

HARVEY
I'll tell you, Ann, he was a right ass, and--

ANN
Ms. Krauss is fine.

HARVEY
(uninterested)
--he just kept telling me how to run my business. It gets so tiresome to hear people who've barely been in the industry telling me--me! I practically built the publishing industry here, hah!--how to print this and run that.

Ann retracts her hands and puts them under her desk.

ANN
So, you fired him because you didn't like him…and didn't pay his unemployment, which I assume he was qualified to receive?

Harvey barely nods. Ann takes a deep breath and closes her eyes.

ANN (CONT'D)
Mr. Lions, look, you can't keep doing this. You've had two lawsuits about this, and no judge is going to let it slide after--

HARVEY
And that's why you're my attorney.

Ann looks at him in annoyance. He waves his hand as though dismissing her anger.

HARVEY (CONT'D)
How're you doing, m'dear? Still with that leech?

Ann stares at him, hard.

ANN
Jeremy? Yes.

HARVEY
(scoffing)
He scarcely deserves a woman of such a fierce intellect, and you hardly need such an unremarkable lad. You're better than him, Ann.

ANN
Ms. Krauss. And--

HARVEY
Bah. You deserve someone more like…well, more like myself, actually.

Ann waits for him to be silent for a moment before continuing.

ANN
You're married, Harvey. What wife is it, now? Seven?

HARVEY
Seventh one, yes, but I remarried number two and three twice, so she's really only the fifth.

Ann nods, smiling.

ANN
Mm, and what's a few alimony checks in the pursuit of love?

Harvey winks.

HARVEY
Now you've got it. So what do you say? Dinner, tonight?

ANN
I think the Mrs. Lions would notice her husband's absence.

HARVEY
A completely professional business dinner, then.

ANN
I have a better idea. Why don't you tell me what you can about Mr. Becker at Literary Integrity?

Harvey shifts in his seat, clearing his throat.

HARVEY
Well, that's an odd request, my dear--one that requires a little more explanation before I'll talk.

Ann watches him carefully, considering what to do.

ANN
(slowly smiling)
So, what do you think Mrs. Lions might say if I were to, perhaps, call and ask if she was okay with her husband asking me to dinner? Would she be upset?

HARVEY
Frankly, I don't think you've got the guts to do it.

Ann picks up her desk phone and slowly puts it to her ear and dials the front office. She cradles it against her shoulder as she waits on someone to answer.

ANN
Hello?
(beat)
Yes, is Mrs. Lions available? I'm just--
(beat)
Oh, sure, just tell her that Ann Krauss called to make sure--

Harvey stands up suddenly, yanking the phone from Ann's ear and slamming it into its cradle

HARVEY
Okay, okay! Crazy bitch, Christ. I'll tell you what I know.

Ann smiles at Harvey as he sits back down.

CUT TO:

INT. ORGANIC FOOD STORE - DAY

Lena is hunched over a shopping cart while Sunshine bounces around, pulling down cans and putting them back up almost simultaneously. Luke stands behind them, simply staring at the shelves.

LENA
(grumbling)
…could you hurry up already? I have stuff to do back at the house.

Sunshine ignores Lena's whining and plucks a box off the top of a shelf.

LUKE
Stuff to do? Sex & The City marathon?

Lena rolls her eyes and turns to look at him.

LENA
Stop sulking!

Sunshine tosses the box in the cart and looks over.

SUNSHINE
Yeah, Luke! Be happy! We're getting groceries! Happy happy happy!

Luke stares at them, more concerned by Sunshine than Lena.

LUKE
Since when have you two been so close?

Lena shrugs, reaching out and stroking Luke's arm.

LENA
You know how we girls are when cute damaged boys get close. We have to rally together, nurse him back to health.

Luke looks down at her hand.

LUKE
What…are you doing?

Lena continues stroking him.

LENA
I'm…petting you?

Luke stares at her, slightly disturbed, and takes a step backward, almost knocking Alex into the shelves.

ALEX
Ow!

Luke quickly skirts around him and by Lena.

LUKE
Sorry.

Alex glares at him before dropping a bag of nuts in the cart.

SUNSHINE
(studying them)
What are they?

Alex shrugs obstinately.

ALEX
Just some nuts. Nice and salty.

Lena grimaces and refuses to make eye contact with him.

ALEX (CONT'D)
Luke, would you like to partake in my nuts?

Lena's cell phone rings. They all watch as she answers.

LENA
(into phone)
Hello?
(beat)
Mama, hi! I was just gonna call you later tonight, but right now I'm kind of--

Lena looks up at all of them.

LENA (CONT'D)
(same)
What? When?
(beat)
Mama! No! I thought you said you'd call me--why…why did Daddy buy the tickets already? I told you to wait.

Sunshine shrugs and continues picking cans and boxes from the shelves. Alex watches briefly before grabbing Luke's shoulder and pulling him aside.

ALEX
I need something from you.

LUKE
I'm not trying your nuts.

Luke folds his arms over his chest.

ALEX
No, that isn't it. See, now that James is gone, I was thinking maybe I could stay in your bedroom with you.

Luke scoffs and tries to move around Alex, but Alex blocks him, cornering him.

LUKE
What? No. You can't. What if James comes back? And you have Sunshine.

Alex shrugs.

ALEX
Yeah, but Sunshine is…

Alex looks over at her, making sure she's out of earshot.

ALEX (CONT'D)
We're have a little trouble. I just need a place to crash for a bit, until she realizes how much she needs me.

Luke shakes his head.

LUKE
We have a couch. Stay there.

Alex grabs Luke's shoulders and bends down, putting his head into Luke's chest and pleading.

ALEX
Please, Luke! I will be forever grateful. Just for a few nights, is all, nothing more--

Luke looks around, worried that others might be watching, and quickly pushes Alex off of him.

LUKE
Fine! God, you don't have to be such a drama queen about everything.

Alex furrows his brow but grins anyway.

ALEX
And…if James comes back…then he can sleep on the couch. Finders keepers, right?

LUKE
Uh…no.

LENA
(into phone)
No, Mama, I don't--tell Daddy I said hi, okay? Call me tonight, okay? Okay.

Lena hangs up. She waves the boys to her and points to Alex.

LENA
Okay, next week my parents are coming in, so…you're now James.

Alex points at himself.

ALEX
Moi? Pretend to be James? Insulted I am, Lena--what a bit part for someone as good an actor as myself.

Lena rolls her eyes.

LENA
Great, shouldn't be a problem them. And, um…Luke, you should…be Luke.

LUKE
Got it.

Lena eyes him suspiciously as Sunshine drops several cans all at once into the cart.

LENA
Not bitch-Luke, just Luke.

Luke nods and shrugs, walking past her towards Sunshine.

LUKE
(put-out)
Okay, I get it. I'm sorry.

Sunshine frolics around to another aisle, calling back.

SUNSHINE (O.S.)
You look like you need sleep, Luke--do you want us to drop you off before we go to GNC?

Luke starts to say no, but then reconsiders.

LUKE
(shrugging)
Well…sure, if…you guys don't mind, that is.

Alex claps down on Luke's shoulder.

ALEX
Not at all, ol' buddy.

CUT TO:

INT. ALEX'S CAR - DAY

Luke and Lena are sitting in the backseat with grocery sacks piled between them. They are all looking out the windows, except Alex, who is driving.

LENA
(quietly, to Luke)
Has James called you?

Luke looks over at her over the mound of food.

LUKE
No. Has he called you?

Lena shakes her head but doesn't look over at him.

SUNSHINE
(loudly)
What? Not even an email?

Luke shakes his head but doesn't verbally respond. Lena looks at him as he resumes looking out the window.

LENA
Have you called him?

Luke shakes his head.

ALEX
Man, my left ball is aching.

They all respond with stunned, confused silence before dismissing Alex's comment.

LENA
Well, maybe you should. It might help you move on.

Luke starts laughing sadly, shaking his head and looking back over at her.

LUKE
Look, it's cool that you guys are worried about me and trying to help, but it isn't James at all. It wasn't a break-up, and I don't like him like that, at all.

SUNSHINE
(too enthusiastically)
Of course you don't.

Luke deadpans.

LUKE
It's this other stuff. With Simone. She…thinks we're getting married.
Lena's jaw drops.

LENA
She's a psycho Christian girl, too? Man, Luke, you know how to pick 'em.

Alex holds up his hand.

ALEX
Christian girls are hot, though. All, Ohhh, I have to save myself for marriage! Then you--

Sunshine hits his arm, scolding him.

SUNSHINE
As if you'd know.

Alex shrugs and shuts up.

LENA
…right. Well, did you…tell her you aren't getting married?

Luke shakes his head, shrugging.

LUKE
No? I don't know, not really.

Lena nods.

LENA
So did you break up with her?

Luke looks around sheepishly.

LUKE
Not exactly…I mean…no, not really.

Sunshine gasps.

SUNSHINE
Luke! You can't stay in a relationship with someone who wants to get married!

LUKE
Why…not? Not that I want to marry her, but in general?

Sunshine shakes her head, aghast at his ignorance.

SUNSHINE
Marriage has been used to oppress thousands, maybe even millions, of women throughout the world! How can you support an institution that oppresses people and keeps them from being with the one they truly love?

Luke shrugs.

ALEX
Wait, wait, Sunshine…I thought we were getting married.

Sunshine shakes her head.

SUNSHINE
As if.

Alex looks over at her, hurt and confused.

LENA
(ignoring Alex)
Well, you didn't have sex, did you?

Luke hesitates before shaking his head no again, but Lena catches the hesitation.

LENA
You did! Luke! Bad Luke!

Lena thwaps him several times on the shoulder. Luke cowers, recoiling against the window.

LUKE
Stop!

Lena does, resorting to a simple glower instead.

LENA
What possessed you to fuck psycho Christian girl? You should have asked for an exorcism! Oh, Lordy Lordy, God will smite you now, Luke! Or…her father.

Luke tries to act unaffected but grimaces, ruining his attempt.

LUKE
(sighing)
Well…it--it wasn't even…we didn't even really have sex.

Lena arches her eyebrows.

LENA
…go on…

Luke shrugs and looks back out the window.

LUKE
It wasn't…we…we're not allowed to "spill our seed" until we're married.

Lena, Sunshine and Alex, after a moment of consideration, all burst into giggling fits.

LUKE (CONT'D)
It's not funny!

Lena takes a deep breath, trying to calm herself.

LENA
(snorting)
No…no…not at all. Oh--oh my God, that must have been incredibly painful.

SUNSHINE
No wonder you've been emanating some very negative feelings lately, Luke.

Alex smirks.

ALEX
Did you take care of business in the bathroom, like a real man?

Luke flips him off and looks back out the window.

LENA
(cooing, grinning)
There, there, Lukey. Maybe, if you're a good boy and keep your seeds to yourself, Santa Claus will bring you a hooker for Christmas--a--oh God--a real Christmas Eve! Oh God, I'm awful! I slay me.

Alex puts the car in park as they pull up to the house. Luke opens his door and gets out of the car.

LENA
(calling)
Hey, aren't you going to take these in?

Luke stares at her incredulously and slams the door in her face, storming inside. Lena snickers and leans back in her seat. Sunshine turns and looks back at her.

LENA
I'm guessing that's a no?

SUNSHINE
See? He's not upset because of James.

Lena snorts and shakes her head.

LENA
Oh, Sunshine, please. They're so far in the closet they don't even know there's a door yet.

CUT TO:

INT. LAW SCHOOL HALLWAY - EVENING

Jeremy is zipping up his bag after skimming through a book. He hikes the bag over his shoulder and pulls out his phone just as Ann calls.

JEREMY
(into phone)
Hello?

INTERCUT WITH Ann's Office.

ANN
Jeremy, I have part of what we need.

Ann gets up and looks out her door before quickly closing it.

ANN (CONT'D)
Now, I need you to do something for me.

FADE OUT.


THE END.

_________________
"If I have not seen as far as others, it is because giants were standing on my shoulders." -Hal Abelson
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PenguinAttack   View This User's Portfolio
Dangerously cute.
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PostPosted: Wed Mar 26, 2008 11:29 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Squee!

Now, my family thinks I'm somewhat insane because - as you know - I did actually laugh out loud during this. You're a legend and a half.

I really, really enjoyed this. Alex is an ass, and Lena makes my life happy. Luke is soooooo adorable. ^^ I want one of my very own.

Now, you must proceed to make me happy by writing like the minx you are, and pulling out a new episode soon. ^^

Squee, indeed. ^^

*Hearts* Le Penguin.

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PostPosted: Wed Mar 26, 2008 1:16 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

You didn't lie! This was a great episode, really funny. I loved the bit with Luke in the bathroom and Simone oblivious to what was going on. Also, "They're so far in the closet they don't even know there's a door yet." -- best line ever.

Told you I'd comment!

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Reakeda   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Thu Mar 27, 2008 1:50 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

*giggles* Lovely! I was shocked to see Lena and Sunshine actually being.. -nice- to each other... Okay, maybe not nice... but definitely more than civil.

Ann gains points! She is trying to get James back and therefore I like her. *nods and then swats Luke upside the head* He needs to admit that, while that may not be his full issue, he does too miss James.

Now if you can have the next episode up as quickly as you did this one.. I will love you forever and a half. *nods*

~Rea.
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Sam   View This User's Portfolio
sister socrates
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PostPosted: Thu Mar 27, 2008 6:59 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hey, Brad. ^_^

ASSORTED NOTES:

- I love the cat. This is totally random, but if you used he/she/it as a sort of motif and it became a central character, that would be amazing.

- If you got it, flaunt it. Mainly? The Bible/masturbation scene. It's amazing, but if you're going to slam something, do so mercilessly. In order for this script to cross the line before "Oh, goodness, these people are terribly funny" into "I cannot BELIEVE he/she/it/ did that", you need fearlessness. And that, my friend, can be found in many of your scenes. You just need to make it more apparent.

- The cultural thing. British people are amusing. Flaunt it.

- I wanted to see them reviewing more work, just because teenage writing is so easy to tear apart and laugh at. Read some submissions aloud.

- You could totally tell this was written by a dude. While not necessarily a a bad thing, you might need to take a tip from Sunshine and get in touch with your feminine side--you need a little zen in your script. While sex and cars are very nice things, balance the humor to make it more accessible (this is not a cop-out, it's one of those silly "flaunt it" things I mentioned earlier) and to give you more opportunities for jokes and social cracks.

Of course, if you need my opinion on something, just ask. ^_^

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PostPosted: Thu Mar 27, 2008 7:13 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

*pokes* You're evil, you know that?

Now I have to go and read all of the other episodes.

Still, I will say that from what I've seen, "Foreign Markets" is very good. All the characters are very vivid and I can see each scene playing out in my head. Apparently you're talented at everything :p

*wanders off to read more, following the candy trail*

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Dreamer   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Fri Mar 28, 2008 4:23 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
SUNSHINE
Lena, the options were light and sharp or dark and blurred!


Good ol' Sunshine... Very Happy

Quote:
LUKE
I'm not trying your nuts.


Haha!

Quote:
ALEX (CONT'D)
We're have a little trouble. I just need a place to crash for a bit, until she realizes how much she needs me.


This was just as great as the others. Keep it up. On that note, how far are you on number 6? Razz

Ann -- Still think of her as a villain, regardless of her trying to get James back. I give her kudos for it, but she's not doing it because she misses James, she's doing it to keep from losing loads of money, which is a perfectly understandable reason. She's just... rawr. I don't like her.

Lena and the rest of the gang -- Glad they miss James, even if not much. Except Alex, who is a jerk, but a funny jerk. I don't think he feels James's absence so much... And I'm glad Luke finally told Lena off, even if it was done by correcting her. I've been waiting for either him or James to give the group the real story since episode one. Glad Luke finally did it.


Simone -- Conflict. Very Happy I feel for Luke. Hope he gets out of this one okay, and I can't wait to see how, when/if he does.

Thanks again, Brad!

Very Happy

Dreamer

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Last edited by Dreamer on Fri Mar 28, 2008 7:10 am; edited 2 times in total
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Snoink   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Fri Mar 28, 2008 6:58 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Best. Masturbation. Scene. Ever.

Actually, Simone reminds me of this one girl I know. She was making out in the parking lot and then blushing because people saw her! OH MY GOSH! And it's funny because when I asked her whether she had a threesome since she says God is her lover, she said yes.

SO.

You have to make Simone say that they have a threesome with God as well. That would be so freaking amazing and you should do it. Or else.

Post the next one soon! Very Happy

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Riedawriter23   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Sun Apr 06, 2008 5:17 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Luke is my hero. When he was with Simone I was like...oh come on, he's just going to go through that and do nothing. No he's Luke, he's going to do something to help himself out...and then he did! It was awesome. Simone, asking questions about the bible as he was masturbating, that was classic. I really want to see this played out. As for Lena. Still hilarious. I like how her and Sunshine are sort of getting along now. And Alex...who is still extremely odd, is also funny. He says some random things. I don't know if it's just me, but he always seems high or drunk, that could just be his personality, or it could be true. But yeah, I want Luke to miss James! I miss James! He should miss him too! Besides that, you have the best lines ever. All of them seem new and there's nothing that's just straight out cliche. Very well done. Now to the 6th and then I get to bug you!

~Rieda

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Your friendly neighbourhood kitten
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PostPosted: Sun Apr 13, 2008 3:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I love how Ann is really starting to take control of everything and the scene with Simone and Luke was just so perfect. Seriously, how do you think up these characters and situations?

I felt that Jeremy should perhaps be a little more interactive with the other characters and I'd love to see them getting more work done. Actually, I'd quite like to see Alex trying to get involved or even just starting to think about his next model shoot/ porn video.

James and the cat were both very much missed so bring them back soon and I can't wait for Lena's 'mama' to visit, I have a feeling she's going to be an excellent character!

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Not-So-Official But Totally Essential Princess Ari
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PostPosted: Fri Apr 25, 2008 3:33 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I definitely LOL'ed on the second section. Oh, Luke, whatever are we going to do with you, poor soul?

More favorites:

Quote:
LENA
(to Sunshine)
Aww, boys are so cute when they're touchy.

Sunshine nods enthusiastically.


Quote:
LUKE
Since when have you two been so close?

Lena shrugs, reaching out and stroking Luke's arm.

LENA
You know how we girls are when cute damaged boys get close. We have to rally together, nurse him back to health.

Luke looks down at her hand.

LUKE
What…are you doing?

Lena continues stroking him.

LENA
I'm…petting you?


Hmph. And you thought I wouldn't comment. I told you I was going to read these and leave random, incoherent comments on EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM once my life simmered down a little. So there. Razz

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PostPosted: Sat May 17, 2008 8:30 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
SUNSHINE
Lena, the options were light and sharp or dark and blurred!


Good ol' Sunshine...

Quote:
LUKE
I'm not trying your nuts.


Haha!

Quote:
ALEX (CONT'D)
We're have a little trouble. I just need a place to crash for a bit, until she realizes how much she needs me.


This was just as great as the others. Keep it up. On that note, how far are you on number 6?

Ann -- Still think of her as a villain, regardless of her trying to get James back. I give her kudos for it, but she's not doing it because she misses James, she's doing it to keep from losing loads of money, which is a perfectly understandable reason. She's just... rawr. I don't like her.

Lena and the rest of the gang -- Glad they miss James, even if not much. Except Alex, who is a jerk, but a funny jerk. I don't think he feels James's absence so much... And I'm glad Luke finally told Lena off, even if it was done by correcting her. I've been waiting for either him or James to give the group the real story since episode one. Glad Luke finally did it.


Simone -- Conflict. I feel for Luke. Hope he gets out of this one okay, and I can't wait to see how, when/if he does.
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PostPosted: Mon May 19, 2008 12:29 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

really great! I loved it. fantastically wonderful...and my thesaurus is missing so i cant think of another word. i really like the cat, it was awesome! I was laughing through most of it. I think that Jeremy really needs to get more involved in the story though. well keep up the good work! I cant wait for more!
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