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kokobeans
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 Posted: Mon Mar 24, 2008 10:38 pm Post subject: Fairy Dust - prologue |
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Title: Fairy Dust
Changeling - One raised among Humans
The Beginning -
Because of the number of homes and habitats being destroyed by the humans, many mythical creatures where starting to steal human babies from their cribs, and swapping them with their own young. It was an attempt to keep the races alive, mingled with the humans, whilst still remaining undiscovered, and thus far unknown.
You see, humans are idle creatures, and most believe only what they see. Few know the truth about creatures such as fairies and gnomes living among them in secrecy, and in most cases, fear.
Dark was the night when our tale began, in a normal, human town, in a normal, human neighbourhood, in a normal, human home.
A woman sat on her chair, looking down, her damp, curly brown hair sticking to her face and neck. In her arms she cradled a bald baby, who cried a cry only a human child could make. At her side stood a tall man, a thoughtful expression on his face that rarely changed.
When the child finally stopped crying, the exhausted mother lay it in the new, machine-made crib, and the father helped her to bed.
On the stroke of midnight three silhouettes crept into the room with the baby, who stared up in wonder with eyes of an incredible shade of blue at the glimmer of wings. One pair silky and Blue, one pair wrinkled and yellow, one pair stiff and green.
‘Take the baby,’ The Yellow fairy commanded, a coarse, cold voice. The Green fairy lifted the baby from the cot, and the Blue fairy, who held a bundle in her arms, stepped forward.
‘Go on,’ Green fairy said softly. ‘It’s for the best.’
Blue fairy gently placed the silent bundle into the human crib.
‘What will become of her?’ She asked.
‘Who knows. She will grow, and in time her wings will come through. Some day, she may come back to us. The matter at hand, is what becomes of the human?’
‘The river,’ the coarse voice croaked.
‘You can’t!’ Blue fairy begged. ‘You can’t kill the child.’
‘Then what do you suggest? Keep it?’
‘Take it to the country, an orphanage, drop it on the doorstep with a note.’
‘That is a possibility,’ Green fairy said, pondering on the thought. ‘I have seen humans do it countless times.’
‘Humans,’ Yellow fairy cursed. ‘They destroy the land, take what isn’t theirs. They abandon their young and mistreat their needy. What right does yet another have to live?’
‘Just as much as you or I,’ Blue fairy persisted. ‘What right do we have to judge this child for the mistakes of its ancestors? Surely, if this home is fit for my child, then the child born into this home fit to live.’ The reply she received was a cruel snort.
‘To the country then.’
Blue fairy looked down at the human whose life she had just saved, staring into the innocent, pale, unforgettable eyes, and praying with all her heart this one would be better than the others. Please don’t betray your life. She took one last glance at her own child with a strangling pain inside her. If this would save her child, then this was best.
To the baby in her arms she now felt a connection, perhaps a debt of some sort. To her own she felt foreign, as if now that she had given her up, she had no right to ever be a part of her daughter’s life again.
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This is a kind of fairy-tale prologue to a story I'm working on. My main reason for writing this is to tell a brief background of the two children being switched, and to introduce three vaguely known characters, the blue, green and yellow fairy. |
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Last edited by kokobeans on Wed Mar 26, 2008 12:36 am; edited 2 times in total |
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Memento Mori
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| Posted: Tue Mar 25, 2008 5:45 am Post subject: |
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It's somewhat interesting, but I wonder, where in the world is the baby fairy's wings? Won't the human parents notice that their child has wings, unlike other normal human babies?
Oh, and I found a very tiny error.
What right do we have to judge this child for the mistakes of its ancestors.
You should end it in a question mark.
Yours truly,
Memento Mori |
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GryphonFledgling
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| Posted: Wed Mar 26, 2008 3:14 pm Post subject: |
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I'm a bit confused: how would putting fairy babies into human cribs keep them alive and unknown? It seems to me that if humans were that ignorant, putting a fairy baby right into their midst is the worst thing to do, as it will awaken their attention to the presence of other sentient beings and may lead to persecution for the hapless infant? Then manhunts (or fairyhunts) would follow and overall, would eventually lead to the discover of the fairy races and their elimination. Maybe I'm wrong, but I still don't understand the logic of leaving the baby in the crib... And then, by killing the human baby, the fairies become just as bad as the humans in killing something just because of it's differences to them...
Of course, they don't do that, but that is what they would be if they had taken the Yellow fairy's advice.
On that note, when the fairies first enter: "One pair silky and Blue" - that 'blue' should not be capitalized.
The first sentence really didn't draw me in. Perhaps something before that about the ignorance of humans to explain what the fairies are doing. As is, you begin the story with 'because', which is not necessarily encouraged.
Anyway, good luck with your writing!
~GryphonFledgling |
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Blue Fairy
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| Posted: Wed Mar 26, 2008 3:32 pm Post subject: |
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I really like the beginning. It is written really well and makes you almost believe it.
It is a good idea to leave the fairy in the place of the baby but I feel sorry for the baby being taken away.
I think you have a good prologue here.
Post more soon 
~Blue Fairy |
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KJ
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| Posted: Wed Mar 26, 2008 8:27 pm Post subject: |
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Hello. You were very kind when you reviewed one of my pieces, and since I love good reviews, I will try to return the favor.
This was very creative. I thought your descriptions were cool. There wasn't much to read, so I don't know what to say about characters, but it is a good beginning for a plot.
Only problem I had was the very very beginning. I felt that it was too narrative. But maybe this is just a phase I'm going through, because I've been typing that a lot lately...
Anyway, good work. Keep writing. |
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ashleylee
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| Posted: Wed Mar 26, 2008 11:27 pm Post subject: |
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I thought this was...interesting. I mean, it was WAY different from the rest of the stuff I've read and that's great  I mean, I hate reading the same thing over and over again so this being new and creative is good!
Well, for the nit-picks, I think the only thing I can say is there isn't really anything to correct. The characters weren't that far developed and I know this is a prologue and that's just how it goes but maybe you could make one of the faries stand out instead of them all being just different by their colors. Maybe one of them is more beautiful or more intelligent.
Hopefully that all made sense (I'm typing really fast right now) and I hope it helps you |
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