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The Big Brother Story For Which I Apologize In Advance
The Big Brother Story For Which I Apologize In Advance

by Nate in Other Fiction
Young Writers Society Forum Index » Advanced Critiques

This thread was created on March 10, 2008
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Just written story

Topic ID: 26989
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krazykoreandevil   View This User's Portfolio
Junior Writer

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PostPosted: Tue Mar 11, 2008 12:31 am    Post subject: Just written story Reply with quote

ok, my friend an i like to write and we're writing a story together. i understand if u guys or gals don't want to read it all...cause it's at the end of the 4th chapter with 35,000 words. by the way, read it in book mode... but u don't have to. we actually have no clue as to what we're writing. we're pretty much getting ideas and making it all flow. grammar should be somewhat good.
thanks ahead of time Wink

and if any of you guys can actually find a good plot line this story can follow, be sure to post it Smile

and i do know that the first few chapters are a load of well...you guys understand...don't take the constructive critism too far... i'm only 13 >.>

so this is a ... well descriptive paragraph of what's to come...kinda... not really a plot line...

Algeria is plunged into chaos through deceit, corruption, war, and the dark lord, Gorlan who is threatening to destroy the properity of Algeria. James, a teenage youth must muster up his courage and all his skill and form up with another teenager, Timmoth. Together, they must train until they can defeat any foe. But when war breaks out between Chiloe and Algeria, the two must finish their training in a matter of weeks and venture off to kill Gorlan, who plans to use the turmoil to his advantage.

story may turn into fantasy, not sure ^^
happy reading even if it sucks.
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Aedomir   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Tue Mar 11, 2008 7:56 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

35, 000 words? This is only 7... Oh right, this is 35, 000 CHARACTERS!

Alright, you clearly have no idea where you are going, there are a lot of missing answers, and I wonder where this will go. I like your writing style. It is so unfair... I want someone to write my novel with me... But no one cares. Sad

Back to the point, the writing is great, talent is without a doubt present, but yes, the plot doesn't really follow. I will read the rest ASAP, but so far...

PLAN! PLAN!

Keep writing!

~D'Aedomir~

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krazykoreandevil   View This User's Portfolio
Junior Writer

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Gender: Gender:Male
Age: 14
Joined: 10 Mar 2008
Posts: 16
Reviews: 9
Country: This is my kingdom
300 Points

PostPosted: Tue Mar 11, 2008 8:10 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

hahhaa i know... i will make it happen. my friend is currently writing half the 5th chapter and i'm going to write the other half and edit it. but thanks for the critique! i'll have to ... make it follow the plot faster Smile

p.s. the guy i'm working my story with is one of my closest friends, he's only writing it with me cause he's an awesome writer Wink

p.s.s and yes i did mean 35,000 characters oops Smile

p.s.s.s... what is the maximum amount of words then? 7,000?
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krazykoreandevil   View This User's Portfolio
Junior Writer

9
Gender: Gender:Male
Age: 14
Joined: 10 Mar 2008
Posts: 16
Reviews: 9
Country: This is my kingdom
300 Points

PostPosted: Wed Mar 12, 2008 9:15 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

chapter 5 and 6 are written by my friend, will post it when he gets around to giving me my jump drive -.-
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krazykoreandevil   View This User's Portfolio
Junior Writer

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Gender: Gender:Male
Age: 14
Joined: 10 Mar 2008
Posts: 16
Reviews: 9
Country: This is my kingdom
300 Points

PostPosted: Thu Mar 13, 2008 8:47 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

chapter 5...
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This thread was created on March 10, 2008

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