Stop The Scrolling Header | Enable the Scrolling Header

Firefox 3

News:  

What Are You Reading?

Click Here, Now! Please? Just Click.
Username:    Password:      Log me on automatically each visit    
life and all its random glory chapter 1
life and all its random glory chapter 1

by bisquit in Other Fiction
Young Writers Society Forum Index » Fantasy Fiction

This thread was created on February 28, 2008
Post new topic   Reply to topic
Digg It Del.icio.us

Related Items
Possible Related Items Follow:
EverWayward #1
EverWayward #2
EverWayward #3
EverWayward #4
EverWayward #5
EverWayward #6
EverWayward #7
EverWayward #8
EverWayward #9
EverWayward #10
EverWayward #12
EverWayward #13
EverWayward #14
EverWayward 1 [Revised]

EverWayward #11
Topic ID: 26466
View previous topic :: View next topic  
Author Message
Aedomir   View This User's Portfolio
If you hate me press alt+f4.
Master of the Forum

370
Gender: Gender:Male
Age: 14
Joined: 19 Jan 2008
Posts: 1860
Reviews: 370
Country: The fantasy of limbo, but I call it England.
300 Points

PostPosted: Thu Feb 28, 2008 6:03 pm    Post subject: EverWayward #11 Reply with quote

Chapter Four Scene Three

For a long while, an elusive silence reigned. In due course, Aedomir turned back to the wound. Once, a dark shape had been engraved there, but now, it was merely an oozing pool. “You didn’t need to do that,” he growled through clenched teeth.

“I can’t take that chance,” replied Seridon “besides at least I’m at risk from him anymore.”

“Maybe not, but you will be as much danger to yourself if you continue like this.”

Seridon ignored him and ushered away his hand. We should set up a camp and light a fire. We have travelled enough this day.”

“It isn’t dusk yet!”

“No, but it nears. The shadows of twilight see many creatures loom from them.” Seridon gestured to a peninsula in the lake, around two thousands paces away at a guessing. The fog had finally passed, and only now did Aedomir finally realise where they stood.

The coastlines of the Lake of Mallari had seen a new change since Aedomir’s steps neared the waters. The withered horse followed the others patiently, but a radiance of exhaustion clearly shined through. As they neared the small clearing, a grumble moaned in Aedomir’s stomach. What was the last thing he ate? When was the last time he ate? No memory of taste or recollection of smell kindled in his sombre heart.

That was until a foul stench violently shot into his nostrils and forced his feet to an abrupt stop in the straw grass. A wailing cry followed in its echo and stiffened the hair on Aedomir’s neck.

“The lake,” Seridon said, after noticing Aedomir’s sudden break. He spoke as if it cleared everything. Bit it didn’t. Aedomir began to realise that with Seridon. Riddles were all he knew, that’s all he spoke of.

Aedomir tried to hurry on, and repent for his hinder. The stench passed, and no more cries were to be heard that night. The tales of the waters seemed to breathe truth then: ‘For a traveller of yonder, Will Mallari fall asunder’. Aedomir had always believed that it meant the Lake would ‘open up’ to those like him, but perhaps it just unleashed anger at him, warding him off.

He had come to the lake once, many a time ago. He didn’t want to know everything about the lake. Its mystery and its beauty only added to the splendour. Times had changed though, and there was no room for the past in these waters.

Once they reached the peninsula, they gathered some wood and lit a fire. Embracing warmth leapt high from its core, and filled the clearing with a blazing glow. Hunger; they both felt it. But what could they do? The lake, as Seridon had been quick to add, was not to be trifled with. Aedomir promised himself that he would find some food as soon as dawn broke.

By then, the swelling moon had risen into the cloudless sky. Twilight had passed, and a cool air had signalled the night; it would be a bitter one. He kept thinking about everything, the unsleeping anger at the back of his mind.

One thousand years, gone. Through the blink of an eyelid. He shook his head and discarded the thought, or at least, he had hoped so. It just plundered around, as if a sudden eruption after a dormant lifetime, never resting, always haunting.

The two travellers sat by the fire, Seridon repeatedly refusing Aedomir’s offer to treat his wound. Instead, he would just gaze into the calm water, thinking.

#

What am I doing? Seridon thought to himself. He guessed he just owed the exile. But what for? It wasn’t his fault, after all. He didn’t want the… scum to break into the land like that, killing innocents. Quite the opposite, he fought them.

Thoughts raced through his mind, pillaging as they went. Aedomir was not nearly as horrified as Seridon had expected, too much was amiss with him; hiding in reclusion, questioning anything and everything. However, Aedomir knew more than he thought.

There was just the case of getting it out…


_________________
We are all Sociopaths: The Prologue

Sociopath: So • ci • o • path noun
1. Someone who believes their behaviour is right.
2. Human.


Last edited by Aedomir on Fri Mar 14, 2008 6:21 pm; edited 1 time in total
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website MSN Messenger
Teh Wozzinator   View This User's Portfolio
Respect the 'Vette!
Speaker of the Forum

234
Gender: Gender:Male
Age: 14
Joined: 26 Jul 2007
Posts: 733
Reviews: 234
Country: Limbo...
300 Points

PostPosted: Thu Feb 28, 2008 10:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Aedomir, I'm sorry, but I just don't have time to do a full edit on every single chapter of every single story I'm reading. It's hard enough just to keep up with whether they've been posted or not.

I just wanted to stop by and say that I read this. I liked the lake thing... very good.

I think that this was one of the most well written parts. But they're always well written. No major edits that I see now... if I come back and find one, I'll edit this post and tell you.

I'll have a good edit at least a few chapters down the road.

Keep writing!

Teh Wozzinator

_________________
Cow: You're a lawyer too?
Mosquito: Yeah, I was already a blood-sucking parasite, all I had to do was get the briefcase! ~The Bee Movie

There are "normal" people in the world, but they're no fun to write about.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Aedomir   View This User's Portfolio
If you hate me press alt+f4.
Master of the Forum

370
Gender: Gender:Male
Age: 14
Joined: 19 Jan 2008
Posts: 1860
Reviews: 370
Country: The fantasy of limbo, but I call it England.
300 Points

PostPosted: Fri Feb 29, 2008 5:08 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks! Don't worry, I like feedback more than anything, grammar I don't worry about too much.

_________________
We are all Sociopaths: The Prologue

Sociopath: So • ci • o • path noun
1. Someone who believes their behaviour is right.
2. Human.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website MSN Messenger
Aedomir   View This User's Portfolio
If you hate me press alt+f4.
Master of the Forum

370
Gender: Gender:Male
Age: 14
Joined: 19 Jan 2008
Posts: 1860
Reviews: 370
Country: The fantasy of limbo, but I call it England.
300 Points

PostPosted: Sat Mar 01, 2008 10:38 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks! Don't worry, I like feedback more than anything, grammar I don't worry about too much.

_________________
We are all Sociopaths: The Prologue

Sociopath: So • ci • o • path noun
1. Someone who believes their behaviour is right.
2. Human.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website MSN Messenger
markc   View This User's Portfolio
Novice


Gender: Gender:Male
Age: 14
Joined: 02 Mar 2008
Posts: 5
Reviews: 1

300 Points

PostPosted: Sun Mar 02, 2008 2:15 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

No! I had 8 stars! That is just sad. The thanks I get for trying to help the website. I wish I hadn't bothered now.

_________________
I am Aedomir, everyone. I got banned for three days... I can't express how fed up I am at the moment. I didn't so anything wrong!
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Display posts from previous:   
This thread was created on February 28, 2008
Post new topic   Reply to topic
   Young Writers Society Forum Index » Fantasy Fiction All times are GMT
Page 1 of 1

 
Jump to:  
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum
You can attach files in this forum
You can download files in this forum
This thread was created on February 28, 2008

Graphics By Bobo | YWS Sword & Shield Logo by Bobo
Bartemius says, We know what a person thinks not when he tells us what he thinks, but by his actions. - Isaac Bashevis Singer
Contact | Memberlist | Copyright Policy | YWS Store | Site Map
Facebook |  Goodreads |  Live Journal |  MySpace |  Wikipedia

© 2004 - 2008 The Young Writers Society