Topic ID: 26236
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time_fox
Writer
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Age: 16
Joined: 15 Feb 2008
Posts: 72
Reviews: 20
Country: United States
343 Points
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 Posted: Sat Feb 23, 2008 2:14 am Post subject: Song |
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My Heart
In the light of day
In the light of night
I see your face so clear and bright
My heart will always be with you
No matter how far you go
I will always love you
I will always be with you
No matter how far you go
Even if were a 1000 miles apart
My heart will always be with you
No matter how far you go
I will always love you
Note: this was one of the very first songs that I ever wrote so it isn't the best. |
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Faery007
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300 Points
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| Posted: Fri Mar 07, 2008 8:08 pm Post subject: |
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I think its brill i mean if u dont like it then dont take my word 4 it (i'm only 13!)  |
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aestar101
No Soup for You!
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300 Points
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| Posted: Wed Mar 12, 2008 11:25 pm Post subject: |
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| I loved it!!! You could expand more because you have really good thoughts comming though. We need to see more of them. |
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Krupp
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| Posted: Wed Mar 19, 2008 12:42 am Post subject: |
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| Some of the best lyrics are simple, yet effective because of it... |
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Riedawriter23
This.
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86 Points
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| Posted: Wed Mar 19, 2008 12:59 am Post subject: |
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I agree with Krupp. I haven't actually heard this in song form so it could very well be brilliant. I just think that it's a tad too short, looking at it from here. The idea also sounds cliche, as most song lyrics do nowadays. Songs to me should be deep like poetry and compliment the rhythm. This is just my opinion though. If you've ever heard a song by Alanis Morissette you'll see that her lyrics are poet-like it's rather beautiful. Read some more song lyrics and then try this again. It has potential. 
PM me if you have any questions or need help with anything!
Keep it up!
~Rieda |
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Dr. Jamie Bondage
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4034 Points
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| Posted: Fri May 09, 2008 1:19 am Post subject: |
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This was very repetitive. It said the same thing over and over again. while I like the meaning behind the song, that doesn't mean that it has to be repeated. I would suggest giving more emotion and feeling. Add to it. You have 5 senses, use them! XD Also, tell us how your feeling. songs normally express the feelings of the writer and gives the listener a chance to identify with the person. That's all I really saw. happy editing!
Jamie |
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Someguy
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Age: 15
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1183 Points
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| Posted: Fri May 09, 2008 6:32 pm Post subject: h |
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A bit short. I think u could lengthen it.
I like the idea and where it's going, but ended randomly.
You must continue working on it. |
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Eva 040
Junior Writer
Age: 15
Joined: 17 Nov 2007
Posts: 48
Reviews: 26
300 Points
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| Posted: Sun May 11, 2008 12:17 pm Post subject: |
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Short, but when has size mattered ^.^
If this was one of your first songs, then i'd love to see them now, this is amazing =]
This is one people can relate to quite easily, i know i can, and i bet lots of people on this site have felt this way about someone.
It is quite short so theres not much you can look into, but thats good 'cos otherwise id loose concentration and then wouldnt even review it, so the size is ok =]]
Overall, very good =]
Eva XxXxX |
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