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smorgishborg
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 Posted: Sun Oct 14, 2007 7:36 pm Post subject: Who Killed Lord Potemkin? |
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This was the first play I ever wrote, but it's barely recognizable from the first incarnation. Its gone through more revisions then anything else I've written. Problem is, I've been lookng at this too many times to tell what works anymore, so any feedback would be great.
The funny thing about this play is that ever since I wrote it, I've seen about 3 others with variations on my twist. Oh well...
EDIT: My target time for this was always about 20 min.
Who Killed Lord Potemkin?
Completed on Valentines Day, 2006
Scene I: The stage is dark and empty, except for a desk and chair DSR. One spotlight shines on the desk and chair. The Playwright can be dressed in whatever the heck he wants to be in, but it should be remotely nice. He comes from SR and sits in the chair, takes out a journal and begins to write.
Playwright: The lights come up on the Potemkin House on a dark and stormy night. The stage is made to look like the grand ballroom of the old manor. It is dark with only the light of one window spilling across the floor….
Sound Op: (the god mic has been left on) Get the light up!
Light Op. Oh right.(the window gobo comes on) (whispering) Turn the god mic off you idiot, everyone can hear us! (It goes off)
Playwright: (glares up at the booth for a second the resumes his stage directions) Suddenly the silence of the night is broken by a scream coming from offstage left. (a cry comes from offstage right) slightly louder From offstage left.... (cry comes from offstage left) In an annoyed tone, louder and speaking directly to someone offstage left … ok look… you need to SCREAM! (he walks offstage left)
Lord Potemkin: (bloodcurdling) AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Lord Potemkin is dressed in formal clothes; a suit, tie, nice black shoes, and nice black pants.
Playwright: (the playwright comes back in and returns to his desk and continues) A lone figure stumbles across the stage from stage left and falls in the light of the window gobo (Lord Potemkin stumbles across the stage from stage left and falls in the light of the window gobo) The figure, gasping for breath (Lord Potemkin begins to take exaggerated gasps of air) whispers his last words for the audience: “it was… the sword…”
Lord Potemkin: It was… the sword… (he dies)
Playwright: No, no no, no! (scribbles something out and Lord Potemkin comes back to life) Lets see….. (pause, Lord Potemkin looks at him expectantly) …whispers his last words for the audience: “it was… the pen…”
Lord Potemkin: It was… pen… (he dies and a dramatic chord is struck. Window gobo fades out)
Scene II: Lights come up on The Potemkin House in the day time. The Playwright is still in his seat writing and Lord Potemkin is lying on the floor covered by a sheet. Chief Garfield enters from stage right wearing typical a typical police chief uniform covered in various medals. He is accompanied by Officer Marmot who wears a similar uniform without the numerous badges. They are talking.
Playwright: The lights come up brighter since it is morning at the Potemkin House. Chief Garfield and Officer Marmot of the Fallacy Town police department enter from stage left.
Officer Marmot: …and so she found him like this in the morning, we got the call at 7:43 sir.
Chief Garfield: Who was in the area when the body was discovered?
Officer Marmot: Well, I went around and rounded up everyone in or near the house. A gardener, the butler, and Mrs. Potemkin. Not many suspects. They’re all waiting in the next room. (he motions offstage and repeats the motion several times)
Playwright: He motions offstage.
Chief Garfield: Indeed. (he stops at the body) This is him then, the late Lord Potemkin, I presume?
Officer Marmot: No sir, that’s Jimmy Hoffa. (Garfield looks at him reproachfully) Yes, capt’n, that’s him, he hasn’t been moved at all. We’re waiting for the coroner.
Chief Garfield: Good. (He kneels down behind the body and…)
Playwright: Chief Garfield moves behind the body and lifts the sheet and pretends to examine the body. For the welfare of the actor playing Lord Potemkin, put several pillows under the sheet in place of him.
(The audience can’t see what is going on but presume the chief is studying the body) After only a quick glance however, he throws the sheet down)
Chief Garfield: Hmmm… Most curious, most curious….
Officer Marmot: What do you think?
Chief Garfield: I think this case will be tough to solve.
Officer Marmot: The investigation might be quite long quite time consuming.
Chief Garfield: Well, in times like these….. the best way to express your feelings… is in song!
Who killed Lord Potemkin? (song):
(music starts, the chief and the officer look utterly bewildered… then break into song and dance!)
Chief Garfield: (sung) So, the question thing that we need to find out….
Officer Marmot: Last night who snuffed Lord Potemkin’s life out?
Chief Garfield: The problem we have gotten ourselves in:
Both: Who Killed Lord Potemkin?
Officer Marmot: It is a conundrum to me,
Who committed this act,
I have no evidence
I have no facts
Chief Garfield :I haven’t got a single clue…..
(slow lament) Oh what should I do?
I’m all alone right here
I feel like the world is against me…
To quote Shakespeare…… Ohhhhh…….
Playwright: NO! (hastily crossing something out) This will not be a musical, this absolutely will not be a musical. (Chief Garfield looks hurt)
Chief Garfield: That was an epiphany…
Playwright: No singing……
Chief Garfield: (sighs) Oh well. Marmot! You’re going to have to tell me what evidence you’ve dug up uncovered so far.
Officer Marmot: Well, this room, where the body was found was locked completely. Ms. Potemkin had to unlock the main door to get in, and all the other doors and windows were locked when we got here. Not a fingerprint anywhere to be found sir.
Chief Garfield: How exactly did he die?
Officer Marmot: That’s another mystery sir, no evidence of blunt trauma, no gunshot, or stab wounds either. He seems to have been quite fit and had no known ailments. Also nothing points to poisoning, seems he just… dropped dead.
Chief Garfield: I guess I’m just going to have to question the suspects. Maybe they can shed some light on this dark mystery.
Playwright: The officers act perplexed by the disappearance of the late Lord Potemkin. Chief Garfield throws the pillows and sheet offstage and Officer Marmot exits stage left and returns with Stan, Elizabeth Potemkin, and The Butler. (Dramatic Chord)
Chief Garfield throws the pillows and sheet offstage and Officer Marmot returns with Stan Elizabeth Potemkin, and The Butler. Stan is dressed in dirty working clothes. Elizabeth is dressed in Pajamas and The Butler is dressed in the formal attire which butlers always wear.
Chief Garfield: Ah ha… I am Chief Garfield and I would like to question all of you. You were, as Officer Marmot tells me, the only three in the vicinity of this house between 9:00 last night and 7:43 this morning when the murder was discovered. You (to Stan) are the gardener for the victim. (he nods) You (turning to Elizabeth) are the daughter of the late Lord Potemkin and discovered the body correct?
Elizabeth Potemkin: Yes, that is true.
Chief Garfield: And you (to the butler)… well, you just look guilty don’t you?
Butler: Very good sir, it has been mentioned to me on several occasions.
Chief Garfield: Great. Now, I shall interrogate each of you in turn. Stan, you first? (he shrugs and gets up) Come over here. (The chief leads Stan to stage left where there are two chairs that were snuck onstage when the dramatic chord was played)
Playwright: Chief Garfield leads Stan to stage right where there are two chairs that were snuck on when the audience wasn’t looking. (The other actors are very interested in what will be said. They turn their heads and look as if listening hard) The other actors meanwhile act as though they cannot hear the Chief or Stan as if they have gone to another room. (The actors suddenly look away and whistle or hum, general ad lib)
Chief Garfield: Sit down Stan, (he motions to a chair and Stan sits. Chief Garfield sits in the other seat the actors go backstage and get seats of their own) Now Stan, lets begin. Where were you at 9:00 last night?
Stan: Home.
Chief Garfield: How often do you come and tend Lord Potemkin’s gardens?
Stan: Twice a week, Tuesdays and Fridays
Chief Garfield: From when to when?
Stan: About 6:00 to…. whenever I’m done.
Chief Garfield: When did Lord Potemkin hire you?
Stan: Last summer. He hired me again this year.
Chief Garfield: Do you ever come near the house?
Stan: No sir, the gardens aren’t near the house.
Chief Garfield: (accusingly) Then how do you explain…… (he pauses as a phone somewhere rings…it rings again, all the characters look around, the phone is not ringing in the show…)
Scene III:
Playwright: (realizing) Oh, damn, that’s my phone! (he runs off)
The actors remain perfectly still and the impression is that the play cannot proceed without the playwright writing it…but suddenly… proceed it does!
Elizabeth: Is he gone?
Officer Marmot: I think so.
Chief Garfield and Stan walk back to the others
Chief Garfield: Well then, what a puzzling case this is. I daresay, it may take two acts to solve it.
Officer Marmot: I don’t think the plot has had much flavor so far….
Butler: There have been worse.
Chief Garfield: Such as?
Butler: Do you remember Blubber the Musical?
Stan: I liked that one.
Chief Garfield: I don’t….
Butler: A whale of a show?
Chief Garfield: Oh, now I remember. Yeah, no that was a disaster.
Officer Marmot: It had a good opening number though……
Butler: Yeah but…..
At this moment, Elizabeth leaps up and draws a gun.
Elizabeth: Don’t move, anybody! (freeze) Stan, it is time. (Stan draws his own gun and steps next to Elizabeth) Yes, that’s right. Me and Stan. We’re getting married and my (sarcastic) dear father wouldn’t hear of it. The old coot got what he deserved.
Butler: Oh madame!
Elizabeth. We’re going to go to Canada now. You all are going nowhere, you know too much! (Dramatic Chord)
As she says this she and Stan aim their guns to fire, but just at this moment the playwright enters back on stage. Everything pauses.
Playwright: What…. the….. hell……
All the actors scurry back to their positions when the Playwright left off and Elizabeth and Stan dejectedly toss their guns backstage. The Playwright sits again at his seat.
Scene IV:
Playwright: Where were we? ... … …oh, right, I remember.
Chief Garfield: Then how do you explain the dirt from your boots which litters the entrance hallway floor?
Stan: Oh, you got me sir, I did come in during the morning. I know where the keys is, since I need to get into the house for tools. But I didn’t come in to kill Lord Potemkin. I’d have no real reason to do so.
Chief Garfield: You do not appear to have a motive that I can see. Very well, that concludes questioning…. For the moment.
They walk out of the room and Stan sits back at his seat.
Chief Garfield: Will the lovely lady come in for questioning?
Elizabeth gets up and walks gracefully over to Chief Garfield. They go over to the chairs, and sit.
Playwright: Miss Potemkin gracefully stands from her chair and glides over to the Chief. In the early morning sun, her eyes sparkle and she sits down with a grace befitting of queens. Her beautiful figure demonstrates-
Chief Garfield: (Interrupting) So Ms. Potemkin, you got up at about 7 this morning and…
Elizabeth: I went down for some breakfast.
Chief Garfield: After getting your breakfast how did you come to discover your father?
Elizabeth: Well, I got my cereal, and I decided to go and eat in the ballroom. The sun streams in nicely through the big window…
Chief Garfield: Yes…
Elizabeth: Well, I came in and I saw a black figure on the floor… (starts to tear) and I went to it and turned him over and… (she sniffs)
Chief Garfield: It was your father. I know how hard for you this must be. Were you close?
Elizabeth: Not as much as I’d like, (sniff) we’d had disagreements, about my future, my job, friends, boyfriends…. I was hoping to reconcile with him this weekend since all of that seemed so far in the past, and I've settled down… and I... (appropriate sniffs) I never got too….
Chief Garfield: Who might have had cause to harm Lord Potemkin?
Elizabeth: I don’t know….. (sniff) I don’t know why anyone would want to hurt father….
Chief Garfield: That’s enough Ms. Potemkin I wouldn’t like to cause you any more distress, that’s enough for now. (to the officer) Now, the sneaky, shifty eyed, rapscallion please!
Officer Marmot: The butler?
Chief Garfield: Yes, the guilty one.
Officer Marmot motions to the Butler, who gets up and walks to the interrogation room.
Playwright: Officer Marmot motions to the Butler, who gets up and walks to the interrogation room, guilt written all over his face.
Chief Garfield: Ahh sir, why don’t you have a seat? (he sits) Excellent, now, you are the butler for the victim?
Butler: Yes.
Chief Garfield: (suddenly) Why did you kill Lord Potemkin?
Butler: I did not sir.
Chief Garfield: Very good. How did you do it?
Butler: I did not commit the crime sir.
Chief Garfield: What was your motive for the crime?
Butler: I have no motive sir, I didn’t kill him.
Chief Garfield: Tough nut to crack are you? Think you can fool me?
Butler: I insist sir! (he shows anger for the first time)
Chief Garfield: Come now, of course you're guilty, you’re not fooling anyone.
Butler: Respectfully sir, I did not. (regains his composure but we see it is a little hard)
Chief Garfield: The butler always does it!
Butler: Not in this case.
Chief Garfield: But if I were to not suspect you, not arrest you, not name you as a top suspect then I would be violating years of established precedent!
Butler: Because the Butler always does it.
Chief Garfield: Right, it’s the greatest whodunit cliché of all time! (sighs) Very well, (this is difficult to say) I’m afraid I cannot arrest you at the present.
Butler: My sincerest apologies sir. (They leave and the butler goes to sit with Elizabeth, and Stan. Officer Marmot goes over to Chief Garfield. They meet on the center of the stage)
Playwright: Chief Garfield goes over to center stage where Officer Marmot meets him.
Officer Marmot: So, who do you think did it?
Chief Garfield: Well…..
Playwright: (looking at his watch, then interrupting abruptly) Well, this is a perfect time to leave off for today. (he shuffles the script on his desk and then puts it in his cabinet. The actors are all frozen throughout this. Blackout.
Scene V:
The lights come up to half on the stage. After a moment, the playwright enters drunk. Bottle of beer in hand for emphasis. His words are slurred, his steps unsteady.
Playwright: Well well well, what do we have here? (nobody answers, actors remain frozen, the playwright speaks to nobody in particular) I think… I’ll work…. On my play…. Before going in… to bed… (he fumbles with the cabinet but gets it open in the end. He takes it out, and lights go up on the stage. He sits down, half on, half off the chair and begins to write clumsly. Chief Garfield and Officer Marmot continue the discussion they left off. The other actors should just sit around and groom themselves and talk between each other during this scene.)
NOTE: Actors must act completely serious, NOT drunk.
Chief Garfield: I think Samuel did it.
Officer Marmot: And why hath thou come to that conclusion?
Chief Garfield: Because.
Officer Marmot: That’s a very good reason.
Chief Garfield: I know.
Long silence
Officer Marmot: I think Lord Potemkin killed himself.
Chief Garfield: Oh really? What makes you think that misguided assumption of yours?
Officer Marmot: Same as you, just “because”…
Another long silence
Chief Garfield: I think that I am right and you are wrong…
Officer Marmot; No, I am right because I have carefully examined the evidence to reach my misguided assumption.
Chief Garfield: That is true, however I cannot help but think that you have missed some piece of evidence.
Officer Marmot: I never miss evidence!
Chief Garfield: You have this time, murderer!
Officer Marmot: Call me a murderer do ye? I challenge you to a duel…. murderer! (points finger)
Playwright: Now….. it is getting to be good….. but the excitement is so intense…. That I will go to bed…
The lights blackout and the actors freeze.
Scene VI:
After a long blackout the lights go up to half. Nothing happens… the actors remain frozen…another long pause. At long last, the playwright shuffles into view. He is understandably not feeling well. He shuffles up to the desk and sits down and doesn’t move.
Playwright: (looks down at the desk…then at long last…) Nah….
The playwright gets up and shuffles off… blackout.
Scene VII:
Once again, the lights come up to half. And the playwright walks in. It is clear he feels better, there is a new spring in his step. He sits in the chair, and takes the play out of the cabinet. Light go up to full.
Playwright: (He looks at the pages he wrote earlier, laughs, crumples them up, and throws them to the audience. Actors go back to positions they were in when sceneIV ended) Now, to where we left off…..
Chief Garfield: I truly don’t know who committed this terrible act.
Officer Marmot: I don’t blame you sir, it seems impossible.
Chief Garfield: (pensively) Impossible….. Marmot, who do you think did it?
Officer Marmot: (to everyone) Well, I don’t think any of these fine people did it. They all have their secrets sure, but we all do. I can’t see any of these people murdering Lord Potemkin. It seems to me that we need to look outside of the box. We’ve looked hard for solutions. Perhaps now we ought to sit back and let the solutions come to us. I’ve always had the feeling in this case that the killer is right near me all the time. Maybe he is. Who killed Lord Potemkin?
All: (Turning to face audience) Who killed Lord Potemkin?
Playwright: (The actors pace around the room pretending to be thinking. The Playwright stands and faces the audience accidentally knocking his script to the stage. He does not notice) Who killed Lord Potemkin? If this were a mini mystery, or quicksolve you would now think and reread what you read and come to a conclusion. (Officer Marmot stops and stares at the Playwright. He pokes Chief Garfield and he looks too) Doubtless someone made a slip of the tongue that betrayed them. (Stan turns to stare at the Playwright) There is always some slip of the tongue or obscure fact that unmasks the killer. You then flip to the back of the book and get the answer. This, however is a play, and it will show you what happens. But puzzle still audience; Who killed Lord Potemkin? (Elizabeth and The Butler turn and stare at the Playwright. Al the actors eyes are now focused upon him he looks over at them) Uhhh…. (he waits) Do you need the next line? (Nothing moves) Ok, whats going to happen is Officer Marmot will lean against the wall stage left and he accidentally presses a secret panel and (name of person who the audience would know… and inside joke) leaps out….
Stan: (interrupting in an accusing tone) You.
Elizabeth: Right there.
Officer Marmot: Right near me all the time….
Butler: My god.
Playwright: What?
Chief Garfield: You killed Lord Potemkin.
Playwright: Me? (they advance on him and he backs up upstage) You’re off script…
Chief Garfield: You’re the only other person here…..
Playwright: But wait… I wrote about him dying, yes, but I only wrote about it. He died only in the play. You’re in the play, all of you are actors in my play!
Officer Marmot: (grabbing Playwright’s script) Look at this! (Stan goes to look and Officer Marmot flips through the script) He’s been orchestrating this whole thing! Look that’s what I said a couple of minutes ago! This is what I’m saying now. There I just said it!
Playwright: Well, yes, I am the playwright… anything I write happens but…
Chief Garfield: We’ve been puppets in his little show. But no longer!
Elizabeth: (hysterically, with rage) Murderer!
Playwright: But it’s a show! Oh no…… turned upon by my own characters…
Stan: And look! (reading) “Lord Potemkin stumbles across the stage from stage left and falls in the light of the window gobo. As he gasps for breath, he whispers his last words for the audience: “it was… the pen…Then, he dies”” He was there. When Lord Potemkin died! He killed him! He killed him with these very words!
Chief Garfield: Get that fiend!
(they all close in. Playwright is forced back, but he runs along the side and stops at the edge of the stage in the middle. Everyone gathers around him on all sides)
Chief Garfield: The game is up. (He grasps the playwright’s right shoulder and Officer Marmot grabs the playwright’s left) I arrest you for the murder of the late Lord Potemkin. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can be used against you in a court of –
Playwright: (he has an idea) Wait!
Chief Garfield: What?
Playwright: Just let me finish my play! (he grabs the scrip from Stant and takes out a pencil )Please let me end it. It has a surprise ending. Please….
Chief Garfield: Hmmm. Very well only if it’s quick…
Playwright: Ok it will be… (writes on script. Says lines with an air of mystery) and then, suddenly, abruptly, shockingly, and without any kind of warning… (dramatic pause)
All: What?
Playwright: (triumphant) All the actors dropped to the ground…. dead! (he looks at the audience as he says this and the actors fall. Blackout)
The lights go off on “… dead” and the actors fall to the ground with loud clunks. The lights are off as the actors hit the ground)
Fin
NOTE: Throughout the play, the Playwright is referred to as being downstage right. It is an interesting Idea however, to place the Playwright centerstage. It is symbolic, the Playwright is completely immersed in the world he is creating. However, by placing the Playwright as such, stage movement becomes more difficult and the Playwright is farther from the offstage. To each director: his own. |
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Last edited by smorgishborg on Fri Jan 04, 2008 12:39 pm; edited 6 times in total |
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Jasmine Hart
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| Posted: Thu Oct 25, 2007 8:27 pm Post subject: |
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Who Killed Lord Potemkin?
Completed on Valentines Day, 2006
Scene I: The stage is dark and empty, except for a desk and chair DSR. One spotlight shines on the desk and chair. The Playwright can be dressed in whatever the heck he wants to be in, but it should be remotely nice. (Don't think you need this. It doesn't seem neccessary and it kind of detrated from your sincerity I think, gievn the colloquial tone.)He comes from SR and sits in the chair, takes out a journal and begins to write.
Playwright: The lights come up on the Potemkin House on a dark and stormy night. The stage is made to look like the grand ballroom of the old manor. It is dark with only the light of one window spilling across the floor….
(I really like this.)
Sound Op: (the god mic has been left on) Get the light up!
Light Op. Oh right.(the window gobo comes on) (whispering) Turn the god mic off you idiot, everyone can hear us! (It goes off) [i](Is this neccessary? I got the impression that the playwright was in the middle of writing the play, so was surprised by the presence of the stage crew)
Playwright: (glares up at the booth for a second the resumes his stage directions) Suddenly the silence of the night is broken by a scream coming from offstage left. (a cry comes from offstage right) slightly louder From offstage left.... (cry comes from offstage left) In an annoyed tone, louder and speaking directly to someone offstage left … ok look… you need to SCREAM! (he walks offstage left) (good)
Lord Potemkin: (bloodcurdling) AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! [/i](I'd omit "bloodcurdling" I don't think you need it.)
Lord Potemkin is dressed in formal clothes; a suit, tie, nice black shoes, and nice black pants. (Don't need "formal clothes", given the description.)
Playwright: (the playwright comes back in and returns to his desk and continues) A lone figure stumbles across the stage from stage left and falls in the light of the window gobo (Lord Potemkin stumbles across the stage from stage left and falls in the light of the window gobo) The figure, gasping for breath (Lord Potemkin begins to take exaggerated gasps of air) whispers his last words for the audience: “it was… the sword…”
Lord Potemkin: It was… the sword… (he dies)
Playwright: No, no no, no! (scribbles something out and Lord Potemkin comes back to life) Lets see….. (pause, Lord Potemkin looks at him expectantly) …whispers his last words for the audience: “it was… the pen…” [i](brilliant! I love it!)Lord Potemkin: It was… pen…
(he dies and a dramatic chord is struck. Window gobo fades out) [/i](Don't need "a dramatic chord is struck.)
Scene II: Lights come up on The Potemkin House in the day time. The Playwright is still in his seat writing and Lord Potemkin is lying on the floor covered by a sheet. Chief Garfield enters from stage right wearing typical a typical police chief uniform covered in various medals. He is accompanied by Officer Marmot who wears a similar uniform without the numerous badges. They are talking.
Playwright: The lights come up brighter since it is morning at the Potemkin House. Chief Garfield and Officer Marmot of the Fallacy Town police department enter from stage left.
Officer Marmot: …and so she found him like this in the morning, we got the call at 7:43 sir.
Chief Garfield: Who was in the area when the body was discovered?
Officer Marmot: Well, I went around and rounded up everyone in or near the house. A gardener, the butler, and Mrs. Potemkin. Not many suspects. They’re all waiting in the next room. (he motions offstage and repeats the motion several times)
Playwright: He motions offstage.
Chief Garfield: Indeed. (he stops at the body) This is him then, the late Lord Potemkin, I presume?
Officer Marmot: No sir, that’s Jimmy Hoffa. (Garfield looks at him reproachfully) Yes, capt’n, that’s him, he hasn’t been moved at all. We’re waiting for the coroner.
Chief Garfield: Good. (He kneels down behind the body and…)
Playwright: Chief Garfield moves behind the body and lifts the sheet and pretends to examine the body. For the welfare of the actor playing Lord Potemkin, put several pillows under the sheet in place of him.
(The audience can’t see what is going on but presume the chief is studying the body) After only a quick glance however, he throws the sheet down)
Chief Garfield: Hmmm… Most curious, most curious….
Officer Marmot: What do you think?
Chief Garfield: I think this case will be tough to solve.
Officer Marmot: The investigation might be quite long. ("quite long" doesn't sound...what's the word? Serious enough?)
Chief Garfield: Well, in times like these….. the best way to express your feelings… is in song!
Who killed Lord Potemkin? (song):
(music starts, the chief and the officer look utterly bewildered… then break into song and dance!) (Haha. That's great.)
Chief Garfield: (sung) So, the question we need to find out…. (maybe try "answer" instead of "question", or "thing that.")
Officer Marmot: Last night who snuffed Lord Potemkin’s life out?
Chief Garfield: The problem we have gotten ourselves in:
Both: Who Killed Lord Potemkin?
Officer Marmot: It is a conundrum to me,
Who committed this act,
I have no evidence
I have no facts ([i]This is really good, but don't forget full stops/exclamation marks.)
Chief Garfield :I haven’t got a single clue…..
(slow lament) Oh what should I do?
I’m all alone right here
I feel like the world is against me…
To quote Shakespeare…… Ohhhhh…….
Playwright: NO! (hastily crossing something out) This will not be a musical, this absolutely will not be a musical. (Chief Garfield looks hurt) (Brillaint!)
Chief Garfield: That was an epiphany…
Playwright: No singing……
Chief Garfield: (sighs) Oh well. Marmot! You’re going to have to tell me what evidence you’ve dug up so far. (Maybe "found" instead of "dug up"?)
Officer Marmot: Well, this room, where the body was found was locked completely. Ms. Potemkin had to unlock the main door to get in, and all the other doors and windows were locked when we got here. Not a fingerprint anywhere to be found sir.
Chief Garfield: How exactly did he die?
Officer Marmot: That’s another mystery sir, not a mark on the man. He seems to have been quite fit and had no know ailments. Nothing points to poisoning either, seems he just… dropped dead. (Oh..."Harry Potter" bells ringing in my head. Can you freshen this up a little maybe?)
Chief Garfield: I guess I’m just going to have to question the suspects. Maybe they can shed some light on this dark mystery. (I'd omit "dark.")
Playwright: The officers act perplexed by the disappearance of the late Lord Potemkin. Chief Garfield throws the pillows and sheet offstage and Officer Marmot exits stage left and returns with Stan, Elizabeth Potemkin, and The Butler. (Dramatic Chord)
Chief Garfield throws the pillows and sheet offstage and Officer Marmot returns with Stan(comma) Elizabeth Potemkin, and The Butler. Stan is dressed in dirty working clothes. Elizabeth is dressed in Pajamas and The Butler is dressed in the formal attire which butlers always wear. (nice detail here.)[/i]
Chief Garfield: Ah ha… I am Chief Garfield and I would like to question all of you. You were, as Officer Marmot tells me, the only three in the vicinity of this house between 9:00 last night and 7:43 this morning when the murder was discovered. You (to Stan) are the gardener for the victim. (he nods) You (turning to Elizabeth) are the daughter of the late Lord Potemkin and discovered the body correct? (I'm not sure about "Cheif Garfield". I'm finding it hard to take him seriously given his name.)
Elizabeth Potemkin: Yes, that is true. (Maybe just say "yes.)
Chief Garfield: And you (to the butler)… well, you just look guilty don’t you? (Em...I'm not sure this quite right. Would he really say this?)
Butler: Very good sir, it has been mentioned to me on several occasions.
Chief Garfield: Great. Now, I shall interrogate each of you in turn. Stan, you first? (he shrugs and gets up) Come over here. (The chief leads Stan to stage left where there are two chairs that were snuck onstage when the dramatic chord was played)
Playwright: Chief Garfield leads Stan to stage right where there are two chairs that were snuck on when the audience wasn’t looking. (The other actors are very interested in what will be said. They turn their heads and look as if listening hard) The other actors meanwhile act as though they cannot hear the Chief or Stan as if they have gone to another room. (The actors suddenly look away and whistle or hum, general ad lib)
Chief Garfield: Sit down Stan, (he motions to a chair and Stan sits. Chief Garfield sits in the other seat the actors go backstage and get seats of their own) Now Stan, lets begin. Where were you at 9:00 last night?
Stan: Home.
Chief Garfield: How often do you come and tend Lord Potemkin’s gardens?
Stan: Twice a week, Tuesdays and Fridays
Chief Garfield: From when to when?
Stan: About 6:00 to…. whenever I’m done.
Chief Garfield: When did Lord Potemkin hire you?
Stan: Last summer. He hired me again this year.
Chief Garfield: Do you ever come near the house?
Stan: No sir, the gardens aren’t near the house.
Chief Garfield: (accusingly) Then how do you explain…… (he pauses as a phone somewhere rings…it rings again, all the characters look around, the phone is not ringing in the show…)
Scene III:
Playwright: (realizing) Oh, damn, that’s my phone! (he runs off)
(Lol. Very good! I love it!)
The actors remain perfectly still and the impression is that the play cannot proceed without the playwright writing it…but suddenly… proceed it does!
(Very good!)
Elizabeth: Is he gone?
Officer Marmot: I think so.
Chief Garfield and Stan walk back to the others
Chief Garfield: Well then, what a puzzling case this is. I daresay, it may take two acts to solve it. (Love it.)
Officer Marmot: I don’t think the plot has had much flavor so far….
Butler: There have been worse.
Chief Garfield: Such as?
Butler: Do you remember Blubber the Musical?
Stan: I liked that one.
Chief Garfield: I don’t….
Butler: A whale of a show?
Chief Garfield: Oh, now I remember. Yeah, no that was a disaster.
Officer Marmot: It had a good opening number though……
Butler: Yeah but….. (All this is really great!)
At this moment, Elizabeth leaps up and draws a gun.
Elizabeth: Don’t move, anybody! (freeze) Stan, it is time. (Stan draws his own gun and steps next to Elizabeth) Yes, that’s right. Me and Stan. We’re getting married and my (sarcastic) dear father wouldn’t hear of it. The old coot got what he deserved.
Butler: Oh madame!
Elizabeth. We’re going to go to Canada now. You all are going nowhere, you know too much! (Dramatic Chord) (Haha.)
As she says this she and Stan aim their guns to fire, but just at this moment the playwright enters back on stage. Everything pauses.
Playwright: What…. the….. hell……
All the actors scurry back to their positions when the Playwright left off and Elizabeth and Stan dejectedly toss their guns backstage. The Playwright sits again at his seat. (Brilliant!)
Scene IV:
Playwright: Where were we? ... … …oh, right, I remember.
Chief Garfield: Then how do you explain the dirt from your boots which litters the entrance hallway floor?
Stan: Oh, you got me sir, I did come in during the morning. I know where the keys is, since I need to get into the house for tools. But I didn’t come in to kill Lord Potemkin. I’d have no justifiable reason to do so.
Chief Garfield: You do not appear to have a motive that I can see. Very well, that concludes questioning…. For the moment.
They walk out of the room and Stan sits back at his seat.
Chief Garfield: Will the lovely lady come in for questioning?
Elizabeth gets up and walks gracefully over to Chief Garfield. They go over to the chairs, and sit.
Playwright: Miss Potemkin gracefully stands from her chair and glides over to the Chief. In the early morning sun, her eyes sparkle and she sits down with a grace befitting of queens. Her beautiful figure demonstrates-
Chief Garfield: (Interrupting) So Ms. Potemkin, you got up at about 7 this morning and…
Elizabeth: I went down for some breakfast.
Chief Garfield: After getting your breakfast how did you come to discover your father?
Elizabeth: Well, I got my cereal, and I decided to go and eat in the ballroom. The sun streams in nicely through the big window…
Chief Garfield: Yes…
Elizabeth: Well, I came in and I saw a black figure on the floor… (starts to tear) and I went to it and turned him over and… (she sniffs)
Chief Garfield: It was your father. I know how hard for you this must be. Were you close?
Elizabeth: Not as much as I’d like, (sniff) we’d had disagreements, about my future, my job, friends, boyfriends…. I was hoping to reconcile with him this weekend… and I... (appropriate sniffs) I never got too…. (Why this weekend? Can you expand on this?)
Chief Garfield: Who might have had cause to harm Lord Potemkin?
Elizabeth: I don’t know….. (sniff) I don’t know why anyone would want to hurt father….
Chief Garfield: That’s enough Ms. Potemkin I wouldn’t like to cause you any more distress, that’s enough for now. (to the officer) Now, the sneaky, shifty eyed, rapscallion please!
Officer Marmot: The butler?
Chief Garfield: Yes, the guilty one.
Officer Marmot motions to the Butler, who gets up and walks to the interrogation room.
Playwright: Officer Marmot motions to the Butler, who gets up and walks to the interrogation room, guilt written all over his face.
Chief Garfield: Ahh sir, why don’t you have a seat? (he sits) Excellent, now, you are the butler for the victim?
Butler: Yes.
Chief Garfield: (suddenly) Why did you kill Lord Potemkin?
Butler: I did not sir.
Chief Garfield: Very good. How did you do it?
Butler: I did not commit the crime sir.
Chief Garfield: What was your motive for the crime?
Butler: I have no motive sir, I didn’t kill him.
Chief Garfield: Tough nut to crack are you? Think you can fool me?
Butler: I insist sir! (he shows anger for the first time) (What is he insisting on?I'm not sure this is quite the right phrase here.)
Chief Garfield: Come now, of course your (you're)guilty, you’re not fooling anyone.
Butler: Respectfully sir, I did not. (regains his composure but we see it is a little hard)
Chief Garfield: The butler always does it!
Butler: Not in this case. (Very good!)
Chief Garfield: But if I were to not suspect you, not arrest you, not name you as a top suspect then I would be violating years of established precedent!
Butler: Because the Butler always does it.
Chief Garfield: Right, it’s the greatest whodunit cliché of all time! (sighs) Very well, (this is difficult to say)(Don't think you need the bracketed section.) I’m afraid I cannot arrest you at the present.
Butler: My sincerest apologies sir. (They leave and the butler goes to sit with Elizabeth, and Stan. Officer Marmot goes over to Chief Garfield. They meet on the center of the stage)
Playwright: Chief Garfield goes over to center stage where Officer Marmot meets him.
Officer Marmot: So, who do you think did it?
Chief Garfield: Well…..
Playwright: (looking at his watch, then interrupting abruptly) Well, this is a perfect time to leave off for today. (he shuffles the script on his desk and then puts it in his cabinet. The actors are all frozen throughout this. Blackout. (I like this bit!)
Scene V:
The lights come up to half on the stage. After a moment, the playwright enters drunk. Bottle of beer in hand for emphasis. His words are slurred, his steps unsteady.
Playwright: Well well well, what do we have here? (nobody answers, actors remain frozen, the playwright speaks to nobody in particular) I think… I’ll work…. On my play…. Before going in… to bed… (he fumbles with the cabinet but gets it open in the end. He takes it out, and lights go up on the stage. He sits down, half on, half off the chair and begins to write clumsly. Chief Garfield and Officer Marmot continue the discussion they left off. The other actors should just sit around and groom themselves and talk between each other during this scene.)
NOTE: Actors must act completely serious, NOT drunk.
Chief Garfield: I think Samuel did it.
Officer Marmot: And why hath thou come to that conclusion?
Chief Garfield: Because.
Officer Marmot: That’s a very good reason.
Chief Garfield: I know.
Long silence
Officer Marmot: I think Lord Potemkin killed himself.
Chief Garfield: Oh really? What makes you think that misguided assumption of yours?
Officer Marmot: Same as you, just “because”…
Another long silence (Haha.This is great.)
Chief Garfield: I think that I am right and you are wrong…
Officer Marmot; No, I am right because I have carefully examined the evidence to reach my misguided assumption.
Chief Garfield: That is true, however I cannot help but think that you have missed some piece of evidence.
Officer Marmot: I never miss evidence!
Chief Garfield: You have this time (comma) murderer!
Officer Marmot: Call me a murderer do ye? I challenge you to a duel…. murderer! (points finger)
Playwright: Now….. it is getting to be (Don't think you need "to be.)good….. but the excitement is so intense…. That I will go to bed…
The lights blackout and the actors freeze.
Scene VI:
After a long blackout the lights go up to half. Nothing happens… the actors remain frozen…another long pause. At long last, the playwright shuffles into view. He is understandably not feeling well. He shuffles up to the desk and sits down and doesn’t move.
Playwright: (looks down at the desk…then at long last…) Nah….
The playwright gets up and shuffles off… blackout.
Scene VII:
Once again, the lights come up to half. And the playwright walks in. It is clear he feels better, there is a new spring in his step. He sits in the chair, and takes the play out of the cabinet. Light go up to full.
Playwright: (He looks at the pages he wrote earlier, laughs, crumples them up, and throws them to the audience. Actors go back to positions they were in when sceneIV ended) Now, to where we left off…..
Chief Garfield: I truly don’t know who committed this terrible act.
Officer Marmot: I don’t blame you sir, it seems impossible.
Chief Garfield: (pensively) Impossible….. Marmot, who do you think did it?
Officer Marmot: (to everyone) Well, I don’t think any of these fine people did it. They all have their secrets sure, but we all do. I can’t see any of these people murdering Lord Potemkin. It seems to me that we need to look outside of the box. We’ve looked hard for solutions. Perhaps now we ought to sit back and let the solutions come to us. I’ve always had the feeling in this case that the killer is right near me all the time. Maybe he is. Who killed Lord Potemkin?
All: (Turning to face audience) Who killed Lord Potemkin? (Good!I lenjoyed this!)
Playwright: (The actors pace around the room pretending to be thinking. The Playwright stands and faces the audience accidentally knocking his script to the stage. He does not notice) Who killed Lord Potemkin? If this were a mini mystery, or quicksolve you would now think and reread what you read and come to a conclusion. (Officer Marmot stops and stares at the Playwright. He pokes Chief Garfield and he looks too) Doubtless someone made a slip of the tongue that betrayed them. (Stan turns to stare at the Playwright) There is always some slip of the tongue or obscure fact that unmasks the killer. You then flip to the back of the book and get the answer. This, however is a play, and it will show you what happens. But puzzle still audience; Who killed Lord Potemkin? (Elizabeth and The Butler turn and stare at the Playwright. Al the actors eyes are now focused upon him he looks over at them) Uhhh…. (he waits) Do you need the next line? (Nothing moves) Ok, whats going to happen is Officer Marmot will lean against the wall stage left and he accidentally presses a secret panel and (name of person who the audience would know… and inside joke) leaps out….
Stan: (interrupting in an accusing tone) You.
Elizabeth: Right there.
Officer Marmot: Right near me all the time….
Butler: My god.
Playwright: What?
Chief Garfield: You killed Lord Potemkin.
Playwright: Me? (they advance on him and he backs up upstage) You’re off script…
Chief Garfield: You’re the only other person here…..
Playwright: But wait… I wrote about him dying, yes, but I only wrote about it. He died only in the play. You’re in the play, all of you are actors in my play!
Officer Marmot: (grabbing Playwright’s script) Look at this! (Stan goes to look and Officer Marmot flips through the script) He’s been orchestrating this whole thing! Look that’s what I said a couple of minutes ago! This is what I’m saying now. There I just said it! (Love it!)
Playwright: Well, yes, I am the playwright… anything I write happens but…
Chief Garfield: We’ve been puppets in his little show. But no longer!
Elizabeth: (hysterically, with rage) Murderer!
Playwright: But it’s a show! Oh no…… turned upon by my own characters…
Stan: And look! (reading) “Lord Potemkin stumbles across the stage from stage left and falls in the light of the window gobo. As he gasps for breath, he whispers his last words for the audience: “it was… the pen…Then, he dies”” He was there. When Lord Potemkin died! He killed him! He killed him with these very words!
Chief Garfield: Get that fiend!
(they all close in. Playwright is forced back, but he runs along the side and stops at the edge of the stage in the middle. Everyone gathers around him on all sides)
Chief Garfield: The game is up. (He grasps the playwright’s right shoulder and Officer Marmot grabs the playwright’s left) I arrest you for the murder of the late Lord Potemkin. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can be used against you in a court of –
Playwright: (he has an idea) Wait!
Chief Garfield: What?
Playwright: Just let me finish my play! (he grabs the scrip from Stant and takes out a pencil )Please let me end it. It has a surprise ending. Please….
Chief Garfield: Hmmm. Very well only if it’s quick…
Playwright: Ok it will be… (writes on script. Says lines with an air of mystery) and then, suddenly, abruptly, shockingly, and without any kind of warning… (dramatic pause)
All: What?
Playwright: (triumphant) All the actors dropped to the ground…. dead! (he looks at the audience as he says this and the actors fall. Blackout)
The lights go off on “… dead” and the actors fall to the ground with loud clunks. The lights are off as the actors hit the ground)
Fin
(Haha. That was great.)
Overall, I thought this was great. Really funny. Is it finished?It doesn't look as though it would be very long, probably not even twenty minutes would be my guess. Maybe try roping friends/family members into reading it for you so you could get a sense of the length. Plays tend to look much longer on paper.This was a very fresh piece and I really enjoyed it. |
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xhalcyonx128
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| Posted: Thu Jan 03, 2008 2:50 am Post subject: |
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awesome short play. i could feel the transition from when the characters stopped being controlled by the playwrite. you might want to go back and check some dialogue though. for example:
"Stan: Oh, you got me sir, I did come in during the morning. I know where the keys is, since I need to get into the house for tools. But I didn’t come in to kill Lord Potemkin. I’d have no justifiable reason to do so"
stan jumps from sounding nearly illiterate (apropos, seeing as he's a gardener) and then BOOM! he says "justifiable". small detail, but id change that sentence. maybe "I never had no reason to do that, sir."
i have to say, i loved the concept of the playwrite being in the play himself, it really captures the writing process and how the writer gets so into his/her work. LOVED scene six, lol (it made me laugh). you seem to have put alot of work into this, and it shows. |
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| Posted: Fri Jan 04, 2008 2:44 am Post subject: |
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It was very good but there's only thing I didn't like and that is the playwright part. Well I know it would be a bit funny in a play if the playwright is a part of the main characters but since the title of your play is, "Who killed Lord Potemkin", it kind of takes something away from it.
| Quote: |
Sound Op: (the god mic has been left on) Get the light up!
Light Op. Oh right.(the window gobo comes on) (whispering) Turn the god mic off you idiot, everyone can hear us! (It goes off) |
Also about that part, isn't that the playwright is still writing the play? If so then why is there already a crew member along in the stage with him/her? Plays should be written first before they can be put to play right?
Anyway your play could have been a great one for me if not for the, "Playwright" character. The tension was already building for me and I was already thinking and questioning myself as to who killed Lord Potemkin but it all vanished because of that part. Maybe you could change it and make the Playwright, the Narrator instead. |
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Flemzo
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| Posted: Sat Jan 05, 2008 9:33 pm Post subject: |
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A very enjoyable play. It just puts the whole "my characters are running away with the story" line that writers keep using into tangible evidence. My only thing is that sometimes it seems too conversational. Sure, the characters are talking to each other, and it's not really supposed to be super formal, but at times it was like I was reading a transcript of a phone conversation. Cleaning up the dialogue a little bit would be a plus for this already hilarious play.
I loved Scene VI, where the playwright just didn't feel like writing. I'm sure everyone, whether they've realized it or not, have felt something like this. I don't know if you want to run with this, but maybe you could extend that scene a little bit, but adding a moment where the playwright is wanting to write something, but just can't think of anything to write. It'd be another little sight gag where the playwright would start something, scratch it out, and start over, and the actors would start to move, then reset themselves. Just something to consider.
Other than that, I'm really not seeing anything you could work on. Just try to make the dialogue and stage directions a little more professional looking/sounding, and you'll be good to go. |
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| Posted: Wed Jan 30, 2008 3:36 am Post subject: |
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This has some great ideas in it and is very original in the "play's" plot, but the idea of it coming from the writer, and the charactors turning on him reminds me an awful lot of a play my local drama group did for a competition called "Progress to a Play."
This could be purely coincidental, and if it is then well done on the writing and ideas, but that fact sort of spoils the whole play for me. No offense. |
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