Topic ID: 24653
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Kang227
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 Posted: Mon Jan 14, 2008 9:43 pm Post subject: The Tyrant - Chapter One |
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Ahh...um...no. Not really, no.
Last edited by Kang227 on Wed Jul 23, 2008 11:42 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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griffonscouncil
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| Posted: Tue Jan 15, 2008 1:35 am Post subject: your story |
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| What an imagination! Your first part was great and you transitioned from veiwpoint to veiwpoint smoothly and I never felt lost untill it came to all the peoples names and which name was which person. I got a little lost there but other then that it was awesome. Kepp going, you're doing great!! -_- |
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deleted1
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| Posted: Tue Jan 15, 2008 2:03 am Post subject: |
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| Not to be picky, but can you please prepare a .odt (Free Openoffice document form). I have trouble importing docs into my generic Microsoft Word Processor (its not Word). The whole .doc tag turns almost anything from Word into unreadable junk. Sorry for the inconvenience in attachments. |
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Kang227
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| Posted: Tue Jan 15, 2008 2:24 am Post subject: |
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| I'm sorry Errant, but I don't seem to have the option of saving it as that kind of file. Any other suggested types? |
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seeminglymeaningless
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| Posted: Tue Jan 15, 2008 2:49 am Post subject: |
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*slow clap* ........ *shakes head* ........ *more clapping*
This is terrific writing. Absolutely excellent. The story drew me in straight away. The stories from all sides is also riveting. See - most stories only show the good side, with infrequent visits from the bad side. Your story is so much better because it provides the reader from ALL points of view! Your story proves the saying, "There are no bad men, only bad leaders." Well done!
Have you tried to get this published? If this was a book I had found in a bookstore, I would buy it, no hesitation, no matter the cost.
The Tyrant (I think just plain "Tyrant", would make the title less static) is on par/surpasses the Belgriad (David Eddings), Witches of Eliniena <sp?> (Kate Forsyth), fantasy from Raymond E. Feist, sci-fi from Alan Dean Foster --- in short, your story is AMAZING.
And you've only supplied us Chapter One!
I found no spelling/grammar/literate mistakes - which was outstanding. How long have you been working on this?
I loved how you described all the battle formation/practices/rallying for each side. It told me that both the good side and the evil side are REAL too. They're not evil, they have lives, friends, uncles (lol). It was good.
The only place I found fault in was the beginning. . . When the son's king found out Niro had died. It just seemed a bit thin. . . a bit weak compared to the rest of the story so far. Maybe Nirako could roar a little more, throw things across the room. Also, where is Niro's wife? Maybe you can have something there, maybe Falrunir could think something along the lines of, "Poor boy. To deal with the loss of his mother so recently, and now this, his father. . ." ....... Unless the mother is alive?
Yeah - I'm a sort of gender crazed gal  It was great to see that there were female warriors - and that they are coloured [*2 thumbs up*] I think you could wirte something about the Queen of Teromin standing dumurely in the background as Pylene declares war to his people.
I wish you all the luck in the publication of this Book, Kang227, for I sincerely hope to pick this book off the shelves one day and think to myself, "Dreams do come true."
Thanks for such a good read, and I hope there is more to come!
- jai - |
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[hidden for the safety of younger YWSers at the request of our friendly Moders]
ReAdInG suggestions: Scotty.Knows (sci-fi) & Kang (fantasy)
Please tell me I'm a Hoopy Frood. Please. |
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Kang227
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| Posted: Tue Jan 15, 2008 3:00 am Post subject: |
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*Sobs with happiness* 
Thank you! I am greatly heartened by this.
No, I have yet to try to get it published - because I've only just started! What you read is the very first draft of chapter one. I've only JUST (as in today) finished chapter two, and I am currently writing chapter three.
I have been working on the series for a while...I would like to say that I first laid some tentative concepts for the nations in late (November) 2006. Since then, I found a uniting storyline, realized its potential, expanded it into three, then six, books.
Over the summer of 2007 I took a vacation to Costa Rica (fantastic country). During my 'down time' there I returned to this idea and really started heating up the iron - while I had my MAIN characters, I expanded it to include the eleven the book has now. I also wrote the outline, figuring out how and where the story progresses, and in what order I wanted it to be told.
I 'rehauled' my first chapter from late 2006 a few months ago. Originally I had written four viewpoint sections - Falrunir, Arctius, Paoline, and Tanari'k (you'll see Tanari'k - you'll probably love him too, he's completely off his rocker). Using my expanded characters and outline, I wrote the chapter you see now, with only a few differences (which I've changed by now).
A few...days? Yes, days. A few days ago I returned to this, really intending to make this a bit of a New Year's Resolution to work on this at a steady pace.
Chapter one and two are done (first draft wise). There are...twenty SEVEN? to go. Let's get typin.
PS: Pylene doesn't have a wife. In fact, a lot of the characters aren't married. A lot of them are fairly young...but still...
PPS: I'm afraid the "The" in "The Tyrant" stays. It fits with the rest of the series:
-The Tyrant
-The Triumph
-The Transcendance
-The Book-Which-Isn't-Named-Yet-Because-I-don't-want-it-to-start-with-T
-The Nemesis
-The Wielders |
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R. J. Hoffman
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| Posted: Tue Jan 15, 2008 2:55 pm Post subject: |
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| could you please make it available in another way, i would like to read it, but am unconfortable about down loading a file from some random guy. |
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Kang227
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| Posted: Tue Jan 15, 2008 4:03 pm Post subject: |
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| I PMed you with a pasted version. |
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deleted1
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| Posted: Wed Jan 16, 2008 9:58 am Post subject: |
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| Please post it here in the first post and for the rest of them. It doesn't seem to be a large file for any of them. :/ For attachments they are good for the advanced forum, but even then we have lots of personal or reading issues with just new files. |
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Kang227
Senior Writer
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Age: 17
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Posts: 104
Reviews: 8
Country: United States
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| Posted: Wed Jan 16, 2008 4:41 pm Post subject: |
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| Well, it's thirteen pages long...I don't know if I want to paste something that hugelike on here... |
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