Okay, for a while I couldn't get into the site and was completely bored cause I had nothing to critique. Then I said to myself "write a story, dork" so I did, a random piece of work. I started and it kept on going, and going, and going...lol, anyway. Here ya go:

Operation: Snow Cone

“Lieutenant Kelli, we have spotted the penguins.”

“Good job, Private,” Lieutenant Kelli replied over the com-link. “Capture them immediately.”

“Yes, ma’am,” the Private replied over the static. He was bundled up with plenty of coats and clothes and, yet, was still shivering from the cold winds and the ice smacking his face. “The men are now approaching the penguins.”

“Alright,” Lieutenant Kelli replied.

“They have released the nets—”

“Okay—”

“The penguins have been captured—”

“Private!” she snapped and the Private fell silent. “Just bring the penguins to the base so we can leave this beaver damn snow cone!”

“Yes, Lieutenant,” the Private said without knowing he annoyed the Lieutenant. “We’ll deliver the penguins in due time.”

“Thank you,” the Lieutenant said with exasperation and left the com-link.

They captured four penguins from the Arctic—not a very good catch. However, it was a good start for the zoo’s new Arctic exhibit, The Snow Cone. They were dumped off a couple weeks later. The four penguins were not afraid, however, of this new and strange place—no, they were cautious.

“Doc, scout the premises,” ordered a stern penguin, waddling a few steps in front of the group. A short, chubby penguin saluted in understanding and left the group to explore this strange environment.

“Boss, where are we?” asked a female penguin cautiously, her beady eyes studying the strange environment.

“I don’t know,” the first penguin replied, his eyes darting from one spot to another. It didn’t look like home at all. Boss felt the strange ice under his feet. As cold as it was, the strange fluffy stuff on top was not snow. Boss looked up at the two penguins behind him. “Lolly!”

“Yessir?” the female responded, resuming attention stance.

“At ease, Lieutenant,” Boss said. Boss looked around again as he thought of how to put his order, then finally said, “Where’s Eg?”

“Egbert?” Lolly repeated uncertainly, looking around the area. “Why, I don’t know, Boss—”

“Weee!” a cheery voice sounded, an echo bouncing around the area. Lolly and Boss quickly waddled over to the source, to find a big penguin sliding down an icy slide and flinging off into the water below with a huge splash. He swam up and jumped up in front of Lolly, his white face bright with excitement. “Come on, Lolly! Try it! It’s fun!”

“Private Eg!” Boss called and Egbert quickly straightened his posture, stumbling a bit and almost falling over. Boss shook his head with displeasure. “Get a grip on yourself, Private. We’re in a strange place and I don’t want any stupidity getting us into any more trouble.”

“Yessir!” Egbert said, quivering under Boss’ strong voice and heavy gaze, despite the huge difference in size.

“Boss!” Doc called breathlessly, sliding down on his stomach across the ice and popping up on his feet in front of them. “I don’t think we’re home anymore.”

“No dip, Snowlock,” Boss snapped. “Where are we?”

“I don’t know, honestly,” Doc replied. “There’s huge words hovering over some ice-like stuff in a language I don’t recognize. Come, sir, I’ll show you.”

Doc led them a short distance across the fake snow. They all stopped at once with shock as they saw the strangest thing they’ve ever seen.

The Arctic seemed to have…ended! The water did not go so far out, but was stopped by some transparent wall. Outside the wall, there were aliens staring at them with two, big eyes, all different heights, no feathers over their bodies, but a small patch of fur on their tops.

“What are they, Boss?” Lolly muttered.

“I don’t know…” Boss said, completely shocked himself. “Whatever they are, they got us in here, and we’re going to get out.”

“Over here, Boss,” Doc said, pointing with his black wing at a few distant letters. “Ree-sst ro-mmss. Reest Roms?”

Boss looked over and saw an alien come out of the door labeled Reest Roms. “The Reest Roms, huh? Well, whatever this place is, we’re getting out.” He turned to face his small crew when Lolly jumped on him, pushing him behind a huge fake ice-boulder. “Not now, Lolly!” Boss said with shock, pushing her off of him. “We’re in a bit of a situation! Can’t it wait?”

“Boss,” Lolly said under her breath, peaking out from behind the rock with wide, black eyes. “What are they?”

Boss stood himself up and looked around the boulder to find penguin-like birds. However, they had longer, skinnier legs and flatter webbed feet. They also had a wider bodies and humungous beaks. Boss recognized them.

“Puffin,” he said, studying them carefully. “Privately Uncontrollable Feral Flukes In Nature. Penguins were created and loved by the goddess, Mary Poppins, until the evil god, Badtz-Maru, disturbed her creation by combining the wonderful Penguin with the one and only…Duck.” The penguins gasped. The Duck was an insult to the Bird Kingdom. “I know,” Boss agreed. “As we all know, Badtz-Maru was young and did not care for much of anything but himself, and the Puffin was created, freely roaming the plains of the Arctic.”

“They don’t look menacing, Boss,” Doc said, taking a peak at the Puffin. “The Puffin aren’t doing anything but just…standing there.”

“That’s what they want you to think,” Boss said, turning on Doc so they were beak-to-beak. “They’re evil and dangerous folk.” Boss straightened and looked back at the Puffin. “Now I know why they took us to the Reest Roms: to destroy the Puffin.”

“Boss, I don’t think—”

“Sh, Lolly!” Boss said, holding up a wing and glaring at her. “I know what I’m doing. The Puffin is a chemical mess-up we must throw away. This is war, boys…and girl,” he added at the disapproving look from Lolly. “Here’s the plan…”

***

“Hey, Puffin! Yeah, I’m talking to you!” Boss called, stepping out from behind the ice boulder. He glared at them, standing wide open for any surprise attack the Puffin could commit. One Puffin heard Boss’ voice and his head snapped in the direction of the open and lonely Penguin. “I know what you’re really doing here. Why don’t you just do it! Come on, I’m wide open!”

The Puffin stared at Boss for the longest time. A few Puffin around it looked up as well, wondering what was disturbing their peace. They all looked clueless, but Boss knew they were only acting.

“Alright, boys,” Boss said quietly so the Puffin didn’t hear him. “Time for Operation: Lolly Pop.”

“Operation: Lolly Pop!” Doc and Egbert repeated, looking up at the top of the ice slide. Lolly stood up top and suddenly started sliding on her stomach down the slide. She flung off the bottom and landed in the midst of the Puffin crowd.

The Puffin squawked with horror, jumping back at the bomb attack. Lolly landed on her feet and put up her wings in a defensive stance, prepared for any attack. The crowd was dispersed into little groups.

“Very good,” Boss said and turned to Egbert with a nod. Egbert ran back behind them as Boss announced, “Operation: Eg Roll!”

Egbert waddled with quick speed then started rolling across the ice after a huge heave from the short Doc. Boss watched the Penguin ball roll into the first small group of Puffin. They all jumped back in different directions from the huge force, knocking into other surrounding Puffin who would fly into other Puffin.

“Woot! That’s a Turkey!” Doc shouted with excitement. Boss glared at him and Doc fell silent.

The whole Arctic field was now covered with unconscious or injured Puffin. Lolly helped Egbert to his feet. Doc followed Boss over to them.

“Good job, boys and girl,” Boss said with a nod to each Penguin. “Now, to see their leader…”

“Their leader, Boss?” Lolly repeated, uneasily.

Boss nodded and put a wing on Lolly’s shoulder. “It’s okay, Lolly, I’ll be fine. Private Eg!” Egbert straightened into attention stance at the formal title. “Keep an eye on Lolly while I’m gone.”

“Yessir,” Eg replied, a bit confused.

Lolly glared at Boss with frustration in her beady black eyes. “Boss! I’m not worried at all! You’re the one—”

“Shh, Lolly,” Boss said softly. Lolly sighed with exasperation and forced herself to keep quiet, which proved quite difficult.

“Boss,” Doc said, interrupting their conversation, if it deserved such a name, “Do you really think their leader is one to worry about?”

Boss shrugged. “We’ll soon find out. Now…” Boss looked around the place, asking, “Where is he?”

“Ooh, is that her?” Eg asked, his voice soft and his eyes staring admiringly.

Boss looked where Eg was looking, but could only see another fake ice-boulder. Boss climbed up on Eg’s shoulders and looked over and found a female Puffin standing with three Puffin surrounding her.

Boss straightened himself and waddled over and around the ice boulder. The other three penguins watched from the sidelines as he approached the female Puffin.

The Puffin looked over at the sound of Boss’ footsteps. The other three Puffin also looked in Boss’ direction, none of them looking very defensive. Boss straightened himself and called out, “We have defeated your minions, Lady Puffin! Surrender the grounds to us or suffer the same fate!”

Lolly sighed and put her head in her wings. “This is ridiculous,” she muttered under her breath.

Egbert patted Lolly on the back comfortingly. “It’s okay, Lolly. Boss will be alright.”

At this, Lolly shooed Egbert’s wing away and resumed watching Boss embarrass himself.

The Puffin didn’t reply to what Boss had said. She only stared at Boss, her head cocked with confusion. Finally, she resumed her place in doing nothing, ignoring Boss ever entered her life.

“Hey, I’m talking to you!” Boss snapped at the Puffin irritably. He waddled over to her and she looked up again, wondering why Boss was disturbing her.

Lolly couldn’t believe Boss was doing what she thought he was doing. She was a female Puffin and Boss was walking right up to her, ignoring the other males. This was just not going well.

“Admit it!” Boss said loudly. “You’ve been defeated! The Penguins now rule the Reest Roms!”

The female did nothing, but the surrounding Puffin were now doing their duty, if any. They approached Boss and Boss waddled back slowly, watching them carefully. “Now, ma’am,” Boss said, a bit fearfully, “we can talk this over, can’t we? Maybe a little deal?”

“Why, you stupid little Duck!” Lolly called over irritably. “She’s a female, Snowlock!”

“Oh, you don’t really think—” Boss started, but the Puffin snapped and Boss turned around, waddling as fast as he could toward the party. “Operation…something! Now!”

Egbert and Doc started to move, but Lolly put up her wings, causing them to stop. “Don’t bother trying to help. He’s stuck in a blizzard now. Operation: Doc In The House!” No one moved. Lolly sighed and said bitterly, “The Lieutenant has spoken! Move!”

Doc waddled away and Lolly turned to Egbert. She put her wings on him and dragged him over next to the ice boulder, facing Boss and the Puffin head-on. Egbert started shaking all over. “Don’t worry, Egbert,” Lolly said, stepping behind the boulder again. “You’ll be safe, I promise.”

Boss saw Egbert standing alone, the big penguin towering over them next to the ice boulder. He waddled behind the Private and braced himself for a Puffin attack. Egbert flinched from the Puffin’ approach, but nothing happened. Egbert looked down, Boss peeked around, and they both watched the Puffin stare up terrifyingly at Egbert then scuttle away.

“Good job, Private!” Boss said, patting Egbert on the wing. He looked up at Egbert, craning his neck to get a glimpse of Egbert’s bright face. “What do we call that Operation?”

“Operation: Save the Day,” Lolly said dully. “Are you hurt, Boss?”

“No, Lolly, I’m fine,” Boss said waddling over to her, but stopped as she stomped her way over to Boss and slapped him with her wing. “Lieutenant!” Boss snapped angrily, but Lolly just pushed him overboard into the water.

“I’m back!” Doc said, carrying a few pieces of the fake ice. His face fell at the sight of Boss regaining his balance in the water. “What happened?”

“Just teaching him a little lesson,” Lolly said as Boss popped back up on the ice and fell over, coughing. “You’re a jerk, you know that?” she said rhetorically to Boss.

Boss shook his head, still coughing.

“You’re hitting on me when we’re stranded in an alien environment?!” Lolly asked with irritation. “You set a poor example for Egbert, here, too! He’s doing the same thing! You know what? I’ll tell you what!” she said before Boss could say anything. Lolly waddled over to look at the Puffin, but Boss interrupted her.

“You know, Lolly, you’re right,” Boss said waddling over to her. “I have acted immaturely.” Lolly waited for Boss to continue, knowing this was not all he wanted to say. “So we’re stranded…alone…”

Lolly slapped him again and Boss fell to the ground. Egbert and Doc hurried to his side.

“Boss, are you okay?” Doc asked hurriedly.

“Do I look okay?!” Boss croaked. “Just give me a Cool-Aid!”

Doc handed Boss a piece of ice and Boss put it on his cheek with a sigh.

1 week later…

“Mommy, Mommy! Look at the penguins!”

“Oh yeah, let’s see if they do anything.”

They did nothing. The penguins stood there, staring up dazedly at the little suns above, also known as light bulbs—all four of them, standing in a row.

“I feel so…calm…” Boss said distantly.

“I see Lolly…” Egbert said dreamily.

“I feel…trapped,” Doc said dazedly.

“I feel…trapped…again,” Lolly said vaguely.

“Woah…what are they, Mama?” asked a small Puffin on the other side of the fake Arctic, staring with awe at the Penguin.

The female Puffin, or the ‘leader’, walked up to her little Puffin and looked at the stupid Penguin. “Those are Penguin: Potentially Endangering Nature and Giving Us Irreverent Names.”

“Oh…” the chick replied with a look of distaste.

“Don’t worry,” she said after a while, “they won’t harm a soul now.” She turned around and faced her three male Puffin. “Alright, front and center!” the Puffin immediately got in a row at attention stance. “Time to show these Penguin who’s boss.”

“Yes, Boss!”

“Mama, why are they just standing there?” the chick asked curiously.

“Because, Dear,” the female Boss replied, “these lights keep them from endangering any nature at all. We have nothing to worry about.”

The chick’s face brightened and he looked up to Boss. “Can I go poke it?”

“What’s the harm in that?” Boss asked humorously.

The little chick Puffin ran over to the Penguin. He stopped in front of the medium tall Penguin who looked stern...much like Mama. The chick poked it and stepped back a bit as the Penguin responded.

“Not now, Lolly, I’m busy…”

“Shut your beak,” another Penguin snapped. No one moved.

The chick poked it again.

“Lolly, please…”

“I’m not next to you, thank Mary Poppins…”

The chick poked it again.

“Lieutenant…”

“Boss…”

The chick poked it again

“At ease, gentlemen,” Boss said to the Puffin. “We can wait a bit longer. I seem to enjoy watching this. My son does well for a little chick.”

The little chick kept poking the Penguin, but none of them could move. They were all hypnotized by the bright little suns above. The little chick started laughing as he watched.

“Private Eg, please stop laughing…”

“I’m not doing anything, Boss…”

The chick poked again.

“For the love of Mary Poppins…”

“You’re telling me…”

The chick poked again…