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Trapped by Fate
Trapped by Fate
by jasmine12 in Other Fiction
Young Writers Society Forum Index » Scripts

This thread was created on December 24, 2007
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A Christmas Parable (Removed)
Topic ID: 23728
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smorgishborg   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Mon Dec 24, 2007 9:09 pm    Post subject: A Christmas Parable (Removed) Reply with quote
This play has been removed because it was terrible. Sorry if you were unfortunate enough to read it.

~ smorg

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Last edited by smorgishborg on Fri May 23, 2008 6:02 pm; edited 4 times in total
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abbisnail   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Thu Dec 27, 2007 10:58 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
That was quite good, I thought. The lighting ideas were very well thought out. I especially liked the end with the "Merry Christmas" sign. I have to say, it was a little bittersweet what with spending Christmas alone, but the light at the end seemed like a symbol of hope. The funny parts were actually funny though (something that is hard to find in a lot of writing). Nice job!
~abby~

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PostPosted: Sun Apr 27, 2008 11:37 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
Meh. You've had much better, believe me--this was a piece of mediocre, coming from YWS's official script writer. Basically, it had a pooping plot. Too preachy, yes, too cliche, too christmasy. I suggest you dump it.

The dialogue was good. The characters weren't. You had some completely unnecessary lines, like "Are you gay?" and the whole "Marty, I'm speaking to a customer!" subplot. All in all, bleh.

I just reread your "Below" script, and it was spectacular. So congrats amigo.

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This thread was created on December 24, 2007

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