| Young Writers Society - Community Forums For Young Writers |
|
This thread was created on April 5, 2007
 |
|
The Fire Within Goto page Previous 1, 2
Topic ID: 14824
|
View previous topic :: View next topic |
| Author |
Message |
crewgurl93
Senior Writer

 Gender:  Age: 15 Joined: 10 Aug 2007 Posts: 109 Reviews: 67 Country: United States 300 Points
|
Posted: Tue Aug 21, 2007 5:02 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| i like it! |
_________________ Goth-Hippie?! |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
Squall
Roll of Thunder, Hear My Cry Speaker of the Forum

 Gender:  Age: 17 Joined: 01 Feb 2007 Posts: 628 Reviews: 433 Country: New Zealand 2726 Points
|
Posted: Thu Sep 06, 2007 6:30 am Post subject: |
|
|
I like this. It flowed along quite nicely and it has that little beat in it. I especially liked the last verse, it's so ownage lol.
The problems would probably the repetition you used in the piece, it does get boring starting a new verse with the same starting word in each line. I think you could vary the structure of the first two verses (keep the third one, it rocked) to allow a more diverse emotion of your character.
Overall, it was good. |
_________________ Dolphins for the win!
Originally known as Clockwerk Goblin. Back to my first username. |
|
| Back to top |
|
dantheman
New Member
Gender:  Age: 17 Joined: 08 Sep 2007 Posts: 4 Reviews: 3
300 Points
|
Posted: Sat Sep 08, 2007 11:34 am Post subject: It's epic |
|
|
What I said in the subject.
its pretty epic
shot bo |
|
|
| Back to top |
|
Acoustic Sensitivity
Senior Writer

 Gender:  Age: 20 Joined: 21 Dec 2007 Posts: 150 Reviews: 96 Country: Sydney, NSW 300 Points
|
Posted: Mon Dec 24, 2007 1:09 pm Post subject: |
|
|
It's a nice song. It's like a song from an anime like Naruto. This would sound good in a band.
| Quote: |
Bridge 1:
I don't know what you've been told
Let me set the record straight
I don't fight for good or gold
I fight 'cause it's my fate
Chorus:
Fire, spread across the land
Fire, held inside my hand
Fire, bringing light to dark
Fire burn, the inner spark
This is all you'll ever see
The fire lives in me |
These two are my favorite lines. It kind of reminds me of the band, Meatloaf. I don't know why. Hey by the way, do you have the tabs or the chords for this? |
|
|
| Back to top |
|
hiverious
Novice

 Gender:  Age: 20 Joined: 08 Oct 2007 Posts: 5 Reviews: 5
300 Points
|
Posted: Thu Dec 27, 2007 2:22 am Post subject: |
|
|
That was a really cool song, but I'm with whence. The last line of the chorus does seem a bit short. It probably would work better if we had music to hear it to, but unfortunately that's not the case. Personally I think "The fire lives inside of me" seems to fit better in terms of length.
As for "You're cancer, I'm the cure" all I can suggest is a rather similar "You're the cancer that I cure", but that's not very good.
All in all great song. Try to get someone to write music for it sometime! |
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
You cannot post new topics in this forum You cannot reply to topics in this forum You cannot edit your posts in this forum You cannot delete your posts in this forum You cannot vote in polls in this forum You can attach files in this forum You can download files in this forum
|
|
| This thread was created on April 5, 2007 |
Graphics By Bobo | YWS Sword & Shield Logo by Bobo
Bartemius says, If a million people say a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing. - Anatole France
|