Topic ID: 23357
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my_wonderwall
Junior Writer

 Gender:  Age: 17 Joined: 27 Nov 2007 Posts: 31 Reviews: 27 Country: United States of..you know 300 Points
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Posted: Sun Dec 16, 2007 3:32 am Post subject: I Am poetry |
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alrighty so here's the deal. i am about to make up my own "I Am" poem and you can also do the same when you leave comments. you just have to copy and paste and all of that. this was a type of poem that we did in my creative writing class. so have funnwith it. you can be honest or silly. thats up to you. okay here it goes.
your name: just call me ... A
i am: imaginative and hopeful
i wonder: how often you think about me
i hear: your voice
i see: your name
i want: you*
i am: imaginative and hopeful (first line repeated)
i pretend: to be young again with no worries
i feel: crazy around you
i touch: your heart
i worry: that you might reject me..again
i cry: when i think of you with someone other than me
i am: imaginative and hopeful (first line repeated)
i understand: that you need your time or that you used to
i say: why not take a chance
i dream: that some great day i will be happily with you
i try: to tell you but i gets harder everyday
i hope: that it all works out in the end
i am: imaginative and hopeful (first line repeated)
*this person's name shall remain anonymous.
okay now it's your turn. .. |
_________________ "In order to be irreplaceable one must always be different"
- Gabrielle Coco Chanel
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Last edited by my_wonderwall on Sun Dec 16, 2007 4:13 am; edited 1 time in total |
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kokobeans
Senior Writer

 Gender:  Age: 99 Joined: 02 Dec 2007 Posts: 186 Reviews: 104
300 Points
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Posted: Sun Dec 16, 2007 4:01 am Post subject: |
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(This looks like fun)
your name: (unknown)
i am: creative and bright
i wonder: what tomorrow will be like
i hear: music everywhere
i see: a world dancing
i want: to live and dream
i am: creative and bright
i pretend: everything
i feel: whatever my heart tells me to
i touch: anything new
i worry: that people might see straight through me
i cry: when i can't dream
i am: creative and bright
i understand: more than i say
i say: less than i mean
i dream: all the time
i try: my best to make things work
i hope: to always stay the same
i am: creative and bright
(Very thought inducing. I liked that) |
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my_wonderwall
Junior Writer

 Gender:  Age: 17 Joined: 27 Nov 2007 Posts: 31 Reviews: 27 Country: United States of..you know 300 Points
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Posted: Sun Dec 16, 2007 3:57 pm Post subject: |
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| hey good job. i like it. |
_________________ "In order to be irreplaceable one must always be different"
- Gabrielle Coco Chanel
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Suzanne
won NaNoWriMo! Writer of Legend

 Gender:  Age: 18 Joined: 21 Sep 2006 Posts: 7086 Reviews: 1754 Country: Riverbluff, MO 1137 Points
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Posted: Sun Dec 16, 2007 5:55 pm Post subject: |
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This is almost like a writing activity, isn't it? Oh well, I'll critique the poem anyway.
This style of poetry is... wow. Honestly, it should be killed and never allowed to come alive again, haha. Poetry, at least, readable-sharable poetry, is something that focuses a lot more on the reader than on the writer. You want to make the reader feel, think, realize something, and you want to avoid talking about you, you, you. That is called navel gazing, and no one wants to hear you talk about yourself. We want to learn about ourself through your words. Which is why a poem in this style fails so badly... It's a selfish style of poetry, haha, and leaves no room for your reader whatsoever.
My only other issue with it is the fact that you never capitalize the pronoun I. Please respect grammar? |
_________________ I demand
you put my heart back in my hand,
and wipe it clean from the mess you made of me. |
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Cade
Stores writing utensils in a flowerpot. Master of the Forum

 Gender:  Age: 17 Joined: 13 Dec 2006 Posts: 1944 Reviews: 752 Country: Where the wild things are. 521 Points
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Posted: Sun Dec 16, 2007 10:35 pm Post subject: |
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I am: sick of navel-gazing, cliche, angsty poems.
Oh, dear, I do agree with Suzie. Navel-gazing makes lovely journal entries, not poetry. It's okay to write a poem about something that happened to you, but it's just not okay to write the whole poem about yourself. What happened to us readers, eh? Don't care about us? Fine. If that's the way it is, we'll leave.
-Colleen |
_________________ "My pet, I've been to the devil, and he's a very dull fellow. I won't go there again, even for you..." |
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my_wonderwall
Junior Writer

 Gender:  Age: 17 Joined: 27 Nov 2007 Posts: 31 Reviews: 27 Country: United States of..you know 300 Points
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Posted: Sun Dec 16, 2007 11:41 pm Post subject: |
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| thatnks for your input but it was just something mainly for fun. I did not mean for this to seem like navel gazing and I am sorry if it seems that way. I wrote this poem as I typed it. But like I said, it was just something for fun. You should try it. |
_________________ "In order to be irreplaceable one must always be different"
- Gabrielle Coco Chanel
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Meep
♥less Master of the Forum

 Gender:  Age: 19 Joined: 25 Oct 2006 Posts: 1851 Reviews: 209 Country: Nutopia 300 Points
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Posted: Mon Dec 17, 2007 10:17 pm Post subject: |
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I think this belongs in writing activities, not here.
Anyway, in defense of my_wonderwall, I'm wondering if this was a school assignment? I had to do something similar, only I had to start every poem with "I am ..." If it's a school assignment, I think that you did well within what I assume are the boundaries of the assignment. If it's for yourself ... er, try to be a little more creative next time? (I seem to remember finding this outline while Googleing examples of "I am ..." poems for my own assignment.) |
_________________ 「… the closer you get to the light // the greater your shadow becomes …」
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lyrical_sunshine
δυναμις Master of the Forum

 Gender:  Age: 18 Joined: 11 Sep 2007 Posts: 1346 Reviews: 208 Country: YOUR FACE!!! *bursts out laughing* 792 Points
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Posted: Mon Dec 17, 2007 11:23 pm Post subject: |
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i saw it as a writing activity. i thought it looked fun. *shrug* so i'm going to try it!
i am: myself
i wonder: when I will get it
i hear: my own voice
i see: the sunrise
i want: to live again
i am: myself
i pretend: to have it together
i feel: very lost sometimes
i touch: freedom
i worry: that i'm forgetting something
i cry: because i don't feel good enough, but
i am: myself
i understand: how to let go
i say: that it doesn't matter
i dream: of not caring
i try: to surrender
i hope: live again
i am: myself |
_________________ "I am their lawyer, and THIS is my necktie!"
~iCarly
"Stories are light. Light is precious in a world so dark. Begin at the beginning. Make some light." ~Kate DiCamillo |
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my_wonderwall
Junior Writer

 Gender:  Age: 17 Joined: 27 Nov 2007 Posts: 31 Reviews: 27 Country: United States of..you know 300 Points
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Posted: Tue Dec 18, 2007 2:48 am Post subject: |
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| well we did have a school assignment for a "who am i?" poem but my teacher just gave us this outline as an example and i just filled the outline out on here. i didnt realize there was a writing assignments section but then again i am pretty new to this site and am just figuring things out alittle bit. i would have been more creative had i written it out before typing. oh well. maybe next time. thanks for trying it lyrical sunshine. |
_________________ "In order to be irreplaceable one must always be different"
- Gabrielle Coco Chanel
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mirandamaddness
Writer

 Gender:  Age: 14 Joined: 25 Nov 2007 Posts: 63 Reviews: 31 Country: Up The Spiral Staircase And Into The Hallway In My Mind 300 Points
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Posted: Thu Dec 20, 2007 12:06 am Post subject: |
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This looks cool...hmmm...*thinks hard*...got it!
my name: Is anything you want it to be...
i am: An almost ordinary girl...
i wonder: Why...
i hear: The whisper of magic...
i see: Everything I need to...
i want: To contact my magical sisters...
i am: An almost ordinary girl...
i pretend: To see things normal people do...
i feel: For the shrinking forests...
i touch: Anyone who are willing to belive...
i worry: That my faery friends will dissapear...
i cry: For nature...
i am: An almost ordinary girl...
i understand: Everything magical...
i say: They are gardians of nature...
i dream: Of dragons and knights in shining armor...
i try: To see all, hear all, know all...
i hope: To see a different world...
i am: An almost ordinary girl...
That's cool...
Star |
_________________ *The Self Proclaimed Queen of The Maddness Minions*
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Everyone has a song that tells about themselves, but I have an entire soundtrack. ~Anonymous
http://www.youngwriterssociety.com/topic34064.html (I need crits) |
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Wolf
ςђเคг๏รςยг๏ Master of the Forum

 Gender:  Age: 13 Joined: 25 Oct 2007 Posts: 1403 Reviews: 571 Country: in Atlanta, with my super-hawt rapper boyfriend.<3 259 Points
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Posted: Thu Dec 20, 2007 12:13 am Post subject: |
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This looks awesome!
I am: Whoever I want to be
I wonder: About rain and fire
I hear: The sound of a thousand sufferings
I see: The trees outside my window
I want: So many things
I am: Whoever I want to be
I pretend: That I am a pirate
I feel: A vast sea of emotion
I touch: The rain-wet boughs of a willow tree
I worry: That one day I will be old
I cry: When I am angry at the world
I am: Whoever I want to be
I understand: That 1+1=2
I say: A river of words
I dream: Of flying on scarlet wings
I try: Not to fail Math class
I hope: That I will be young forever
I am: Whoever I want to be |
_________________ " My books are water; those of the great geniuses are wine. (Fortunately) Everybody drinks water. "
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Kyte
Fantasy guru Master of the Forum

 Gender:  Age: 17 Joined: 13 Aug 2007 Posts: 1054 Reviews: 409 Country: Somewhere in Florida 91 Points
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Posted: Thu Dec 20, 2007 12:28 am Post subject: |
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I am: a writer and an artist.
I wonder: where my next idea will come from.
I hear: songs in my head.
I see: a thousand possibilities.
I want: to break out into the real world.
I am: a writer and an artist. |
_________________ Oh, the humanity!
Black Cat Sachiko
We are the Folk, and tonight we speak in one voice of the deeds of all.
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my_wonderwall
Junior Writer

 Gender:  Age: 17 Joined: 27 Nov 2007 Posts: 31 Reviews: 27 Country: United States of..you know 300 Points
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Posted: Fri Dec 21, 2007 12:55 am Post subject: |
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wow.. more replies...
shooting star i enjoyed yours, you sound like a dreamer....like me. Ayra, this made my night. 1+1 does indeed =2, you are right about that so maybe you won't fail math after all and you are whoever you want to be. Kyte yours was short but it gets the point across. Keep writing =)
Thanks for the replies! |
_________________ "In order to be irreplaceable one must always be different"
- Gabrielle Coco Chanel
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Phoebe
Junior Writer

 Gender:  Age: 20 Joined: 21 Dec 2007 Posts: 44 Reviews: 34
300 Points
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Posted: Fri Dec 21, 2007 2:50 pm Post subject: |
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my name: whatever you want to call me, babe
i am: a whore
i wonder: why they call me that
i see: my cat, asleep, soft breathing
i want: just one more, just another, please
i am: a mother
i understand: why they call me that
i say: that they still don't know what it means
i dream: of things I never remember
i try: to remember, and fail, and shrug
i hope: it will be warm enough outside for a walk today
i am: a child |
_________________ What would Brad do? |
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my_wonderwall
Junior Writer

 Gender:  Age: 17 Joined: 27 Nov 2007 Posts: 31 Reviews: 27 Country: United States of..you know 300 Points
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Posted: Fri Dec 21, 2007 3:45 pm Post subject: |
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Pheobe i like how your poem went through stages of being a whore then a mother then a child. Thanks for trying it out!
ya know, you can learn alittle bit about people in these poems. |
_________________ "In order to be irreplaceable one must always be different"
- Gabrielle Coco Chanel
got YWS? |
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